To make this happen, you should work in a role that feels like a good fit for both yourself and your employer. If you eventually realize you may not be a good fit, though, you may have a better chance of finding a job elsewhere that is better suited for you.

What does it mean not to be a good fit? Or when you hear it’s just “not a fit.”

Not being a good fit typically means you may not be the right candidate for a role. Employers may provide this reason after applying or interviewing for a role. You may also realize that you’re not an excellent fit for a position if your interests, personality, or skill set don’t align with the company’s position or team.

Why do employers say someone isn’t a good fit?

If employers say someone isn’t a good fit, they typically mean their skills, interests, or personality differs from what’s expected for the role. Most employers use the interview process of a job search to evaluate both the qualifications and the fit of potential employees. They typically review your resume and application to determine whether you meet the skills, experience, and expertise requirements for the role.

Employers may ask in-depth questions during the interview to gain insight into your personality, interests, and work style. Many have a strong understanding of the employees you may work with, which causes them to ask questions to learn how well you could fit with the culture. They may even ask others on the team to sit in on the interview to determine how well you may get along with coworkers. Hiring employees who work together can lead to a more collaborative, team-building, and productive environment.

When is a hire released for “Not being a good fit” after working in the role for a while?

When we think about employees as a good fit or bad fit, most of the time, the conversation revolves around hiring. When hiring the right person for the right job and team, organizations can avoid the topic of bad fit release altogether.

That’s easier said than done, though. If everyone hired at every organization were the perfect match, the recruitment industry wouldn’t exist.

Getting to the bottom of what it means depends on the many reasons I plan to list shortly. However, being a good or bad fit is primarily an issue of the corporate culture.

• Will the new hire mesh well with the pre-existing team to strengthen the team and allow the new hire to get to work and thrive immediately?

In reality, getting released for “not being a good fit” is the last resort to address the problem. To get to the core of it, HR and management need to document why the employee isn’t fitting in and make a case for their termination. To follow proper steps to assess the situation that can benefit the employer and the employee if correctly followed, such as:

• A case has to be made as to why the person is not a good fit; this helps all to understand why the employee isn’t fitting in (additionally, it may even lead to a way to keeping them on board that isn’t a form of termination). It also helps show that their release isn’t discriminatory.
• Discrimination claims can be easily made when it comes to cultural fit.
• Documenting all of the issues is needed to show that the new hire isn’t working out because their work ethic, personality, and things of that nature are not blending well with the current team and causing problems.
• After the employer decides best practices are the way to go. Meaning professional the employer requires to take unbiased steps to handle the situation. Such as:

• • Arrange for a meeting (preferred face-to-face) and providing the terminated employee with a written letter that details the action taken and why it’s happening.
  • Within reason, the employee should be allowed to state what they need to say and make sure you listen. They may have even seen this coming if they don’t fit in and aren’t enjoying working for your organization. On the other hand, they may be blindsided entirely (the assumption here is that you have been working with them on the issues before just up and firing them). Be ready for either response.
  • And remember being released for not being a good fit is different from being fired for rule-breaking or misconduct. It’s not totally the person’s fault that they aren’t a good fit (it’s likely a poor hiring situation). Knowing that it can help to add a few extra benefits to these situations, treating them less like a firing and more like a lay-off event.

Release for “not being a good fit” – The benefits:

Because being a poor fit at a company is a hiring mishap most of the time, those being released for not being a good fit should be offered vital benefits, too. Such as:

1. A severance agreement and payment to protect yourself from potential lawsuits while providing the employee an amount that can help them get through their job transition.
2. Included with the severance agreement, consider offering outplacement services to the employee. As a refresher, outplacement is a service provided to now former employees that can help them get back to working in a new role quicker than going alone.

Someone who was released for not being a good fit can benefit quite a bit from these additions in hopes of them landing a role that is better suited for them. You should want this person to succeed even if they aren’t doing well for your specific team.

Reasons for not being a good fit

As mentioned earlier, there may be many reasons for a new hire not being a good fit for the role after starting a new job and finding out months to a year later that it’s not working out either for the employee or employer. Let’s explore some of the reasons.

1. Cultural fit
2. Personalities differences
3. Role fit
4. Values are misaligned
5. Underutilized skills/or not right skillset
6. Frustration or seeming bored
7. The role isn’t appropriately structured for anyone to succeed
8. The company merged with or acquired another company, and roles have changed for existing employees. Naturally, there should be some repositioning to follow that initial reorganization.
9. Lack of diversity, equity, and inclusion
10. Lack of structure
11. Bad business practices
12. Lacks direction in terms of goals, mission, and objectives
13. Toxic management
14. Workplace Nepotism
15. Bad ethical standards
16. Lack of belonging
17. Lack of trust in leadership
18. Moral conflicts
19. Lack of transparency and communication
20. Hyper-competition, micromanagement, or bullying behaviors.
21. Lack of empathy and flexibility

Cultural fit: perception versus actual meaning

Very frequently, hiring managers think a good cultural fit is someone similar to themselves and others who work at the organization. They may feel a connection to some aspect of a prospective hire’s personality (“I like their sense of humor”), or often they discover some sort of common ground (“we went to the same school” or “we’re from the same town”).

Or maybe the hiring prospect feels like a person with whom the hiring manager would enjoy having a drink at happy hour. It’s very common to hear hiring managers say, “We’re a fun bunch here, and we like to go out for a few drinks after work, so we’re looking for someone with energy for sure.”

However, this type of mindset can:

• Allow unconscious bias or familiarity bias to sway the hiring decision – notably at the expense of hiring the optimal, most qualified individual
• Draw hiring managers toward overly focusing on individuals who think or look like them. This can touch on protected classes, such as gender, age, or race – and if that leads to a hiring decision, that would be discrimination
• Leading to a homogeneous, and overtly conformist workforce

In short – you’re not hiring your newest best friend. You are bringing someone on board who is supposed to help move the organization onward to further success.

Instead, cultural fit is actually about finding someone who meets both of these criteria:

• Aligns with your organization’s mission, vision, values, and professional ethics and has a similar outlook on the company’s trajectory
• Adds something new to the organization that’s currently missing

Although ‘cultural fit’ is a widely used term, it may be misleading and outdated. Because what you’re aiming for with any new hire is cultural impact.

Ask yourself whether any new hire:

1. Has a different perspective
2. Approaches challenges differently
3. Has a new type of experience
4. Will likely result in improvements or enhancements within your organization

Tips for assessing your fit before or during an interview process

During the interview process, to help determine whether your personality and interests match the company is best to start by asking questions, researching the organization, or paying attention to the interviewer’s communication style. Use these tips to properly assess your fit at an organization before and during the interview process:

1. Ask questions about the company culture. To gain insight into whether you believe you could be a good fit for the company, you should ask questions about the employees and overall culture. For example, can you describe the organizational culture? How would you describe the personalities of most team members here?
2. Conduct online research. Research the company’s atmosphere, values, and employee experience. Visit the company’s “about” page to learn more about the perks and benefits they offer employees, review any company testimonials, or read its mission statement.
3. Take a tour of the office. Interviewers may take you on a tour of the office to familiarize yourself with the atmosphere and employees. If you’re not offered a tour, politely request one if you have enough time. You can get a good feel of what the culture is like by scanning the environment. For example, an open office layout with couches and group workspaces can signify a collaborative work style. Personalized desks can also resemble a more laid-back or professional environment. This helps determine if your work style matches the office’s tone, layout, and atmosphere.
4. Focus on the interactions with the employer. Throughout your interview, pay attention to how well you get along with the employer and other employees, especially if they’re your potential team members or managers. This can give you a better idea of what it may be like interacting with them every day. Key elements for you to focus on when talking with employers during the interview include:

1. • Professionalism and courteous attitude: Pay attention to how professional the interviewers act throughout the interview process. Elements to look for include if they greeted you upon entering, shook your hand, and nodded politely while listening to your interview answers.
   • Timeliness: Interviewers can show they respect your schedule by showing up on time to interviews, promptly responding to any questions you may have, and promptly updating you on different stages of the process.
   • Ease of conversation: As you talk with the interviewers, assess how comfortable you feel when speaking to them. A simple and natural conversation may be a strong sign that you can get along well with the employees and potentially fit quickly with the culture.

5. Reach out to current employees. This one might be tricky for some as it requires you to be brave enough to reach out to strangers asking about the potential company, to which you may or may not get a response back to your inquiry.

That being said, it’s always a good idea to get in touch with current employees to learn first-hand about their experiences in the role. You can visit social media sites, connect with these employees online, and send them a message requesting information about the overall employee experience.

You can also visit company review sites such as “Glassdoor” and read any feedback current or past employees have left about the company to give you a bit more insight into what it’s like to work at the company or in specific departments.

Final thoughts

Cultural fit is one of those employee qualities that every company wants, but many don’t entirely understand or know exactly how to achieve desired outcomes. Here, we explained that the term cultural fit could be replaced with cultural impact, because that’s what you should be going for: an employee who aligns with your organization’s values and goals but brings some new strengths to your team.

Remember, ‘cultural fit’ has nothing to do with hiring employees who look or think like you or with whom you share commonalities.

The post It’s Just Not a Fit appeared first on myEAblog.com.

Your Executive forgets to mention plans are changing or fails to copy you on a request, yet they expects you to anticipate changes and adapt to them quickly.

To earn your Executives’ respect and appreciation, you must know your underlying expectations that your Executive will never say.

Here is what your Executive is thinking and what you can do in response:

Be loyal to me: make your Executive feel that you are their most prominent advocate. You believe in their work and the direction of their leadership. When your Executive believes you are loyal, they are more likely to reciprocate in return.

One key component of this rule is never to leak confidential information. Be the gatekeeper and never abuse your power.

Make me look good in EVERYTHING you do: yes, they want to look good in everything you do. For example, in your interactions with external vendors or clients, to internal stakeholders and employees. Keep things organized, communicate in a professional manner, dress professionally, and handle interruption respectfully because everything you do reflects on your Executive.

An excellent example of this rule: disagreeing with your Executive in front of their direct report(s), higher-ups, or the team won’t cast you or your Executive in a good light.

I expect perfection: even though your Executive may not be perfect, they expect you to be. Do that by being ten steps ahead of them. If they are late for meetings, keep them on schedule. If their office is disorganized, you are the neat freak.

One example of this rule: if they forget to review or sign documents or return calls, set reminders for them in their schedule, including blocks of time in their calendar to do those tasks.

I am nervous when I walk into a room/event to speak: be aware that your Executive may be worried about delivering a tough message or trying to solicit audience buy-in for a project or new idea, even when they act self-assured. Look for ways to help and show your support.

Example of how you could help: maybe help gather as many facts, details, or information as possible to support the Executive feel more confident when presenting. Follow up with individuals/resources needed to collect the required information to allow the Executive time to prepare and practice before their speaking engagement.

Yes (does not always mean Yes): your Executive may agree to things/ideas etc., but it does not always mean a confirmed yes. That’s why you need to choose the time and day to discuss the critical items/tasks you would like to accomplish. What was agreeable verbally might be a no when it’s on paper.

One way to manage this situation: gather all the facts, and detail the advantages & disadvantages, costs, benefits, and expected results on paper. Provide a copy to the Executive and book a time to discuss and obtain the ‘yes’ you hoped.

Let’s look at this in a couple of weeks: this means they are not in the mood to deal with the current task, they are looking for a break, and they want you to postpone this for them until they are either in the mood or ready to deal with it.

An example is when the Executive is not up to meeting with someone or wants to plan an Executive dinner. You can help by pushing the dates further out to give the Executive a break. Come up with a creative excuse on behalf of the Executive to buy them time.

Can you get the phone or respond to this email: you are probably thinking, why can’t they answer their own phone when they are in the office? Or how come they don’t want to respond to this email? It’s because they are avoiding either talking to or committing to something or a person.

One way to help: the best action to take is to do as they said. Take the call or respond to the email on their behalf. It’s one of those intangible requirements of the job to protect their space, and you will help them save face.

Let’s do something nice this year for a team event or an Executive event: what they mean is for you to be creative and come up with something to impress and please the audience (costs may not be an issue here). Your Executive may be looking to compete with a past ghost (a tradition or predecessor perhaps), and they feel they need to brand (a.k.a. ‘prove’) themselves as better to top whatever was done in the past!

One thought on this rule: don’t resist or worry about costs. Get creative and present your new ideas to get their approval and agreement before proceeding!

I don’t have an ego: it’s totally the opposite, as many may have an ego at one point or another. After all, confidence and egos are how most of them got to the top! Watch out for when the moments of the ‘over-ego’ arise. Your role is to understand the behavior and identify what’s important to them and what they are fighting for.

Some thoughts: your job is not to point out to the Executive they have an ego at play here. Your job is to support them with what is important to them and help them balance between taming their egos and getting what they want when they want it.

You have done great stuff, but there is always room for improvement: this means you are great, and I am happy with your work, but I want more to be done, and also, I’m not too clear about what you’ve accomplished recently. Help bring clarity to this by providing bullet points of tasks, projects, and items accomplished throughout the year. Most times, the Executive will forget what other tasks an Executive Assistant does, aside from the obvious core duties of calendar management, expenses, and travel booking.

Additional note on this: highlight and identify the big projects you’ve been involved in or led and contributed to their successful completion.

Why don’t you come up with a list of how you see your (EA) role evolve in the future: this means the Executive is putting the ownership on you to improve or develop your role. For the most part, they can’t think of areas of growth, learning, or expansion in mind for your role. This could be due to the fact the Executive lacks a far-sighted picture of the role, especially if the role is viewed as a junior level or the Executive is new to his senior role.

How to manage this: take advantage of the opportunity to make a business case to convince them how your role can evolve in helping them become more productive, balance personal & work schedules, and help support and drive accelerated business operations, specifically in process and efficiencies. Your goal is to show your Executive how you can be a strategic partner and an office management/team leader.

I hope you found these points valuable. Let me know if you have more of your own to add.

The post What your boss isn’t telling you. appeared first on myEAblog.com.

Even when you succeed at your job, the gatekeepers won’t let you in, pay you what you’re worth, or recognize your potential. Some of your friends or family members look genuinely surprised when you meet someone amazing or get promoted.

This microaggression may be brought on by race, gender, age, socioeconomic conditions, personality differences, foolish competition, or any of the abovementioned factors. Receiving such messages is upsetting, no matter the motivation.

According to a clinical psychologist, when people underestimate us, they burden us with unfavorable presumptions that can destabilize us and cause us to doubt our skills. Being undervalued causes trauma to one’s self-identity. It feels like you’re being told or exposed to be a fraud.

Why do we undervalue or overvalue things?

We frequently overrate others’ positive characteristics and underrate their flaws. In our minds, this inconsistency is understandable.

It’s logical that if you have known someone for a time, you will find it far simpler to recall their positive traits than their negative ones.

We frequently have self-doubt as a result of what people say about us. They may be somewhat correct, but many things are invisible to someone looking in from the outside (or vice versa!).

Therefore, why do people undervalue us:

1. You haven’t done it before.
   Everybody must begin somewhere. Sure, you could make more mistakes when you’re doing something new. As a rookie, you lack awareness of prospective obstacles. On the other hand, though. You frequently have an open mind when you are learning something new. You haven’t been damaged by bad encounters in the past. But the doubters fail to recognize that attitude matters as much as experience. A lot of the heavy lifting may be done by attitude, resilience, and determination. Remember that lack of experience does not equate to incompetence when you are undervalued.

2. People are quick to pass judgment.
   Unfortunately, it occurs frequently. People immediately determine that you are incompetent or incapable of doing XYZ without getting to know you well.- You keep to yourself.-You speak too loudly.-You lack assertiveness or are excessively so-You act overly aggressive

   -You’re less lively.

   -Not much fun! A strict stance, etc.

   Sometimes, these opinions turn into outright biases based on sexual orientation, age, gender, or color.

3. They are unaware of the previous work you have completed. Your critics are unaware of their own ignorance. Their perspective is limited; therefore, your objective could appear ambitious. What if they were aware of the study, courses, and training you had completed before opening your business?Or how, before your 9 to 5 employment, you constantly worked on your project daily? Or that before starting your current profession, you have years of experience in a different sector? Their viewpoint would change as a result of that information.The final word? They are unaware of your potential.

4. They are underestimating your abilities rather than you because of their own experience. Each person carries baggage and holds biases. When people undervalue you, it’s frequently more about them than you.

Why do we think others are superior to us?

1. You suffer from impostor syndrome.
2. You’ve been socialized, whether consciously or unconsciously, to accept criticism.
3. Over time, your perception of yourself was formed based on the opinions of others.
4. You are less significant than other individuals because, as humans, we have a natural tendency to value things unique from those of others.
5. Although you have been taught to blend in and follow the crowd, these are only social constructions that aren’t always true for everyone.
6. Because you don’t want to be rejected, you are afraid to shine.
7. You don’t have faith in your abilities to succeed.
8. You’re too harsh with yourself.
9. You assess yourself against others.
10. You give failures too much attention at the expense of success.
11. You give reasons why you can’t achieve your objectives.
12. You speak in “shoulds” when expressing your emotions.
13. You dwell on issues for much too long.
14. You are reluctant to communicate your needs and wants.
15. You’ve experienced trauma in the past.
16. You make snap judgments about people depending on how they seem.
17. You seek justifications for failing.
18. You give undue attention to minor details that detract from the greater picture and keep you from taking advantage of essential possibilities. You must accept your imperfection and the messiness of human nature if you wish to alter the course of your current circumstance.

How to overlook the skeptics and continue to believe in yourself

• Remove your rose-colored glasses and begin by being brutally honest with yourself and start asking the right questions. As long as you speak to the right people, asking for input is a smart idea.
• Leverage your skills by being aware of what you excel in and how to use them most effectively to achieve your objective.
• Change your mindset and learn to value the “journey.” Although your objective and final destination are important, what you learn along the journey is more significant. Use a growth mentality, take responsibility for your mistakes, and move on. Focus on growth rather than perfection.
• Set measurable and specific goals.
• The greatest approach to establishing yourself is to show, not tell; do it for yourself (and to prove them wrong). Why argue with those who are skeptical? Focus on the following steps and trust your instincts. It’s simple to offer unwanted advice. Consistently carrying out what you must do each day is more difficult. Your aim and other people’s perspectives will change if you show up and make progress, no matter how small.
• Stop requesting permission; do you obsess too much about what people think? Is getting advice worthwhile? Absolutely. But much too frequently, people speak up of their own volition. Your response is entirely up to you. Ask yourself this question for a moment: Why do I care?
• What does it matter if someone undervalues you and turns out to be correct? Letting go of what other people think has power, but it also requires dedication to be true to who you are and what you believe (and is a lifelong struggle for many of us). However, it’s also necessary for leading a meaningful life.
• Shake off the expectations that people have of you; when you are underappreciated, it’s important to understand that the situation’s reality has nothing to do with your inner potential.
• When you’re feeling undervalued, it can help to concentrate on what you can manage because you have no influence over what other people believe or do. Recognize your positive self-perceptions because we frequently seek outside approval.
• We may recognize how we show up for that also affects what attracts us if we can begin to examine our values, look at what’s important, and how we’re showing up in our own lives.
• When you’re underappreciated in your professional life, widen your social circle. You can put yourself on a more favorable route in a distinctive (even if virtual) environment by stepping outside your professional or industry-specific social groups and connecting with others in different ways. Joining an intellectual organization unrelated to your line of work can be beneficial if you want to develop a new interpersonal style that shows you have something to contribute.
• If you are only viewing the world through the eyes of those who have already found fault with you, all that does is challenge how you see yourself.
• Rallying strategic support is important. It also helps to surround yourself with positive people working hard to achieve similar objectives. These people should be motivated, ambitious, and competitive in a way that encourages one another rather than out of insecurity.
• Play the long game and keep moving forward despite the doubters. Although maintaining a long-term perspective for your vision can sometimes be difficult, try to conceive of things in decades rather than days, weeks, or years.
• Don’t undervalue yourself; the impostor syndrome was imposed on us to deceive us.
• Be outraged; anger, redemption, and revenge are powerful motivators when you are underappreciated. They represent normal parts of our coping mechanisms. It’s quite simple to turn the tables at the time and put the underestimating offender straight into place by stating, “Huh, that’s fascinating,” once you know that someone is attempting to embarrass, gaslight, or humiliate you (by underestimating you). A simple response of ” We’ll have to agree to disagree” or something similar should work. They feel uneasy since you don’t care what they think of you.

Final thoughts

Being underappreciated might motivate you. Sometimes taking a risk is much more fulfilling than being told you can’t. Whatever your goal and regardless of the result, it’s crucial to take what you learn from the process and use it now (or in the future).

Be frank, thoughtful, and brave enough to ignore the doubters. Keep in mind that many people like watching the underdog succeed. Learn about those folks that do.

The post What to do when You’ve Been Underestimated appeared first on myEAblog.com.

Having the courage to lay it all out there, call it “a day in a life of the ordinary,” if you will. To talk about the things most people avoid going there, bringing impactful topics, and maybe some will call it deep! We all have something valuable to share or a story to tell. But society has taught us to fit in. In the way we show up, talk, write, and read about positive, value-add, cool and exciting things.

After all, who wants to bring up topics that require courage, authenticity, and vulnerability to the surface? To do that means you must expose yourself to the world to share what’s on your mind. And if and when you do, you risk facing ridicule, judgment, or rejection; none of these emotions and feelings are worth the trouble it brings to make anyone be up for the task. After all, humans are hard-wired for connection, belonging, and acceptance, so why risk it, right?

They say, “without risk, there are no rewards,” and I would add growth, improvement, or self-awareness to that statement.

What do I mean by the exhausted brain- you know when you have a week, a day, or months of exhaustion piled on from navigating daily challenges that life throws at you! Whether we admit to it or not, showing up to life is not an easy task. The exhausted brain can look or mean different things to different people. There is no one size fits all. But what I know for sure is that a common recurring theme pops up amongst the masses.

Let’s dive into those themes by category; you might notice they sound familiar, or you might be currently living through it in silence or otherwise.

1. Toxic Positivity

Sustaining a positive outlook and using positive language is excellent.

There are a few caveats, however, to keep in mind. Positivity is great, but you must remember not to cross over into toxic positivity. When you take your positive mindset to the extreme by demanding positivity in all situations and refusing to allow or experience negative emotions to surface, this is when toxic positivity occurs. The problem is that it isn’t healthy for leaders or their teams. If we look at it from a leadership point of view, toxic positivity tends to make leaders less open to concerns or feedback as they may be perceived as negative input from team members. For these employees, if toxic positivity is in the work environment, it can be tough to have your voice heard when issues need to be addressed.

There must also be a safe space for team members to share negative emotions. There is value to expressing negative emotions in the workplace. They can help businesses in a variety of ways, including:

• Identifying pain points for employees or customers.

• They were addressing issues in your company’s culture. If a specific person or group is feeling disrespected or underappreciated, they should be allowed to feel angry or frustrated. Speaking up on discrimination or harassment can be challenging and emotional. Additionally, it would be unfair to expect those who suffer to put a positive spin on their experiences and smile as if all is well.

• Working through periods of external or internal change.

Sometimes, sensitive subjects must be addressed, whether massive layoffs or significant outside issues, for example, the coronavirus pandemic. It’s okay to approach these with positivity and optimism. Still, you should also acknowledge the fear, sadness, and uncertainty that others may feel and provide them with a place to work through those emotions.

It’s worth noting here that while positive emotions are great, it has been shown that those who feel a more comprehensive range of emotions tend actually to be happier on average. Keep in mind that this doesn’t mean that leaders or employees should be radiating negativity; there’s still a way to acknowledge and address negative experiences or issues positively. It does mean, however, that you should work to avoid falling into the trap of toxic positivity.

2. Keeping The Lights On

This category says, “you work to live or live to work.”

When family obligations, bills, and food on the table fall on the shoulder of one family member or, at times, both. When the sight of retirement is nowhere near, the continued rat race is the only path in sight. When life challenges that bring on the emotional downward spirals overwhelm the upwards spirals moments. In case you are wondering about the downward spiral emotion, those are.

• Boredom, pessimism, frustration/irritation/impatience
• Overwhelm, disappointed, doubt, worried, blame
• Discouragement, anger, revenge, hatred/rage, jealousy
• Insecurity/ guilt/ unworthiness, fear/ grief/ depression, powerlessness, and victim mentality.

And the upwards spirals are the ones you want to feed in your life to keep your sanity and lights on.

• Joy/ knowledge/ empowerment/ freedom/ love/ appreciation (gratitude)
• Passion
• Enthusiasm
• Positive expectation belief
• Optimism
• Hopefulness
• Contentment

In reality, your emotions give you precise feedback on where you are in relationship to your inner being or source of love and awareness. So, check where you are on the up/down spiral scale. Which beast are you willing to feed?

3. Burn Out

Burnout can be described as mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion caused by prolonged and excessive stress. When burnout appears in the course of employment, it can make one feel emotionally drained and unable to function in work and other aspects of life. Fighting against keeping your job or prioritizing your health, mental well-being, and time with family threatens your quality of life. And the only way to reclaim your power, your time, and your health requires you to have the courage to create boundaries and have the guts to say “no” more often, choosing yourself over and over and making time for self-care in your life as your number one priority and job is last.

Do your career aspirations, your passion, and your employer allow you? Do you dare to step into being rather than the doing? Can you make room for more “no” in your life? When will enough be enough for you?

Knowing what you are giving up or sacrificing to get where you want without projecting, punishing, or retaliating.

4. Purpose

I find this a tough category to tackle because, when you know exactly what your purpose is, a shift in life takes you down a different path- one that you were not prepared for or expected would throw you in a loop. And then what?

You find yourself stuck and only going through the motions, trying to come up for air, leaving you to continue doing what you know and comfort with over and over.

The longer you stay where you are, the feelings of not knowing and not being able to step into one purpose that makes sense in your life drive you deeper into a hole of unfulfilled dreams and goals.

Deep down, you know you are struggling within because you know there is a battle inside, and it must be won to get over to the other side where all dreams and purpose are discovered, where calculating risk-taking is the only way out. You must give up one thing to pursue another. How willing are you to get to your North star?

The deep satisfaction of living well is living a life of meaning and purpose where you are living your purpose. Purpose can be a big and grandiose term, but let’s break down the formula for purpose: your skillset + what you love + what serves the world [that is the sweet spot].

In reality, what you are meant to do shouldn’t be easy. But it should be fulfilling and filled with forwarding motion.

5. Four Tasks of Mourning

As universal as grief is, it remains something that is still little understood. At some point, we will all grieve and mourn a loss in our lives. That is, unfortunately, a certainty.

But what is uncertain, though, is how we will grieve. It’s also uncertain how long we will mourn. And there is also uncertainty about how we will cope as we make the journey through grief while trying to find a path toward healing. In the real world, grief isn’t as simple as a list of steps or stages, and everyone grieves in their unique way.

A Harvard Medical School professor of psychology, J. William Worden, proposed the idea of the Four Tasks of Mourning. This was noted as an alternative to “stages of grief.” Worden’s book, Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner, explains this model in depth.

The main idea behind the Four Tasks of Mourning model is that grief is work. An article states Worden’s theory “requires commitment and active participation on the part of the person who is grieving, and…on the part of those who wish to help them.”

Professor Worden’s model is meant to be observed as flexible. In effect, each task of the mourner can be approached at any time and in no particular order. Some psychologists state mourners must complete each “task” several times throughout their life. Think of Worden’s model as a grief map or a tool for guidance to help avoid getting “stuck” in bereavement and risk developing complicated grief. The following describes each of Worden’s Tasks for Mourners.

Task 1 — To Accept the Reality of a Loss

It feels unreal when faced with a death, especially when a sudden or unexpected loss occurs. And it can hit us on many levels. For example, we might rationally accept the fact a loved one is no longer with us, but deep down, emotionally, we don’t. Acknowledging the new reality is an essential foundation for healing.

So how do mourners complete this task? Rituals often help. Acts such as viewing the body, helping plan the funeral or memorial service, or scattering a loved one’s ashes are all ways that help move us closer to acceptance.

Task 2 — Process Grief and Pain

This task states that a mourner should allow themselves to feel. When we grieve, there’s no telling what emotions we might feel. Grief exists on a large spectrum. There will be sadness, pain, fear, anger, helplessness, guilt, and other feelings.

The critical thing to remember about this task is that you can’t avoid these emotions. Some people try to put them off or avoid them. They might pick up extra hours at work, try to refrain from crying, or even pick up other unhealthy habits.

Worden’s model states we shouldn’t avoid our emotions but rather express them. By acknowledging how grief makes us feel and being open about these feelings, a mourner can better work through these complex feelings.

Task 3 — Adjust to the World Without Your Loved One

After a loss, we must adjust to our “new realities” of life without our loved ones. This task requires changing externally to the world but also internally to new emotional and spiritual needs.

The adjustments also vary depending on our relationship with our loved ones. For example, someone who has lost a spouse will have extra responsibilities as a caregiver around the house. This requires external adjustments. But a recent widow or widower will also have to adjust to living alone or doing things alone. This requires emotional adjustments.

Worden notes these adjustments are not easy and will take time. But working on this task helps us to understand our new role in the world better, as well as helps us realize the impact that the loss has created in our lives.

Task 4 — To Find a Connection with the Deceased While Embarking on a New Journey

This task means finding a way to remain emotionally connected to our loved ones. This helps reaffirm that our relationship with a loved one didn’t end at death. There are many ways to do this. It could be creating a physical memorial connection, such as a memorial photobook, memorial jewelry, or another keepsake item. Or it could also be a ritual, such as hosting an annual memorial dinner in their honor or visiting the gravesite at particular times of the year.

Creating this connection is essential because we can maintain our relationships with our loved ones even as our lives continue to change.

6. Stories

The stories we tell ourselves are endless, and most have negative impacts. Whether childhood stories we carry or news we create. Our minds are battlefields; what we feed grows within, whether it’s done intentionally or unintentionally. What is within us is within everything. When we step outside the parameters of ourselves and realize the power within us once we understand this truth.

This shift in awareness may seem small, but it has profound consequences. Cleaning your mental mess, as you can’t change your story, but you can change what it looks like inside of you and how it plays out in your future. Where your mind goes, your life follows.

An unmanaged mind may be what’s holding you back. Tune in, get curious, unravel the stories, pause, unclutter the mind, heal the self with compassionate inquiry, and recreate what serves and nourishes your mind.

Living an intentional, well life requires knowing who you are (50%). Knowing what you want (10%)? And learning how to achieve it (40%)

7. Transformation

In social media, we see others’ transformations, but we rarely hear about the process it takes to create transformational change in someone’s life. And at times, we read some magical story of how a person got from point A to B, and somehow it paints quickly and actionable steps to take or follow, with a promise of a peaceful landscape that awaits.

Hard truth: transformation is deep, dark, messy, and hard; it’s a journey without a final destination. Our most extraordinary transformation happens through our most challenging times. It’s an ongoing process that tends to appear ordinary when something special happens deep within.

To transform and elevate, you may be required to go it alone. You will have people and things removed from you so that you can search within and find your power. Trust that you’re being directed towards peace, healing, and growth during this period.

8. Conflict

Conflict is seen as the struggle resulting from incompatible or opposing needs, drives, wishes, or external or internal demands. Organizations require conflict to operate. Common conflicts include making a trade-off between two priorities, identifying a gap or a risk in a plan, and giving someone feedback that they don’t want to hear.

We tend to disklike conflict, especially in our in-groups. We are biologically wired to get along with those in our group and are raised to be polite. The culture and norms of organizations often discourage overt conflict; the result is that we usually avoid conflict or drive them underground.

Organizations require conflict, and Humans run from it. The result is conflict debt.

Conflict debt is the build-up of issues that should have been addressed but go undiscussed and unresolved. There are multiple ways to get into conflict debt:

• You can avoid the issue altogether, taking it off the agenda
• You can discuss an issue but avoid the opposition by talking only with like-minded people
• You can discuss an issue with the right people but avoid friction by keeping the discussion superficial and safe.

How many of us have been there? My guess would be many can relate. Facts don’t solve fights. It would be great if you had the emotional data and the values insight to resolve a conflict. The secret is to speak their truth before you express your own.

The other person doesn’t feel heard, seen, or understood when we don’t listen effectively. Effective listening helps you figure out what treasure their castle is protecting. Poor listening causes them to fortify the wall and fire arrows through the battlements.

Also, adding to conflict, when you invalidate someone, they experience you as an adversary, become more assertive and combative, or channel their concerns into passive-aggressive form. Validating causes them to come to the wall and engage; invalidating causes them to take up the drawbridge and prepare for battle.

When you start a conflict with statements and assertions, the other person feels less sense of agency in finding a solution, perceives your position as a target to aim at, interprets it as you not having confidence in their solutions, doesn’t have a path forward if they disagree with you.

Effective questioning helps you engage as allies; a statement can signal that you’re willing to be adversarial. Listening, validating, and questioning will neutralize an unhealthy conflict before it begins.

Final Thoughts

Finding peace is about meeting life, regardless of what arises, with a responsive and open heart. It is, in fact, the steadiness of mind and a calm understanding that allows us to be with our world as the landscape is constantly shifting and changing.

Peace does not mean indifference or apathy; instead, it is a spaciousness of mind that empowers lovingkindness, and compassion, supports us in action and reminds us that we are, in truth, not as alone as we sometimes feel.

To support and uplift, relieving the burden of overwhelm, trauma, grief, and pain through the benefits of mindfulness and compassion. This is a practice for our challenging times—one of conflict, frustration, and uncertainty.

The post The Exhausted Brain appeared first on myEAblog.com.

Selfishness is easy to have a natural tendency toward. Often, life feels like a dog-eat-dog situation, and it can seem less complicated to look out for number one: yourself. Indeed, there are times when you are encouraged to care for yourself first, above others. There exists a fine line between self-care and selfishness, though; you might know a person whose footsteps tread heavily in that region of self-absorption. They may start every conversation with “I,” always take the last cookie but never buy a  new pack, often seem to be in a drama more sensational than anyone else, and rarely ask how you are. Maybe that someone is even you.

What Does it Mean to Be Selfish?

I regularly help people through challenges and change. “The people I have worked with over time have defined “selfish” as those who repeatedly put their own needs first, to the detriment of others.” I believe, however, that the concept points more to a common human value of respect.

As a community-driven species, mutual respect tends to pay dividends for everyone, and there’s much to be gained from healthy connections. When we dish out respect, we quite rightly expect it back. Who doesn’t want to feel respected in relationships and interactions? Sometimes you need to give people the benefit of the doubt, though-did they deliberately ignore you in the street, or had they forgotten their glasses? A couple of selfish acts could well be mistakes or good old development opportunities, but a repeat offender may not know how to collaborate effectively in some relationships or, in plain speak, may act selfishly.

Effect on Relationships

Being around a selfish person can be draining, and over time it can become an unfulfilling friendship that you feel inclined to let go of. In the case of close family, it can be infuriating and frustrating. For the selfish person in question, it can be hard to understand the cause of lost relationships and why friends eventually become unavailable. If someone is being too selfish, they may wonder why either conflict or distance is impacting a relationship or, indeed, many relationships.

What Causes Selfishness?

Selfishness is motivated by many things. Sometimes a person’s life experiences and circumstances can cause them to build walls or become inward-facing. Mental illness can also be a trigger. Sometimes it’s simply personality differences-after all, everyone is wired uniquely. Scientific research has shown that the activation of the area of the brain known as the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex triggers self-control and can affect whether someone keeps selfish impulses under control. While some may lean more easily into selfishness than others, it’s not to say that it’s impossible to turn back the tide and find a new way of thinking. You can challenge your behaviors (if you want to) and make positive changes.

My past experiences (have) taught me that selfishness derives from thinking that our problems are worse than everyone else’s and no one can understand us. However, if we take the time to reflect and observe other lives around us, we quickly realize that our problems are not more significant; they are just different. There will always be someone else who experiences worse situations than you and I. While it’s important not to fall into overanalyzing yourself or self-sabotage, a little self-reflection can be helpful.

Is Selfishness Always a Bad Thing?

Recognizing the distinction between self-care and being inconsiderate of others is essential. It’s important to define the art of being selfish. From childhood to adulthood, many of us carry an important lesson that being selfish is “bad.” Being selfish means we don’t’ care about others, only ourselves- or so we are told. We have been taught not to be selfish all our lives, but being selfish doesn’t mean you have to be inconsiderate of others or hurt them in the process. Self-compassion or self-love and selfishness cannot exist without one another. They are the two faces of the very same coin. The path to self-love can only be achieved through the art and act of selfishness.

It can be a positive trait when selfishness doesn’t hurt or disrespect another person. The art of being selfish is your ability to attend to the wants and needs of your body, heart, and soul to protect your happiness. No one else can make you happy. Remember that the only person who can make you happy is you. When you focus on yourself, you are taking responsibility for your happiness. Hence, I want you to selfishly take care of your needs and meet them so that you don’t look to others to fulfill your desires. You can’t make your happiness someone else’s responsibility.

Put Yourself First

This statement is often misunderstood and follows the emotion of guilt. Looking after number one is not a bad thing when there’s giving as well as receiving. Negative selfishness is about one-sided transactions, and that’s when being selfish becomes a bad thing. Instead, think of the advice you are given on an aircraft- adjust your oxygen mask before assisting others.

Are you Being Too Selfish?

One of the first steps to spotting the signs is to become more aware. Ask yourself the following questions and answer them honestly.

1. What did you do today that could have been too self-centered?
2. Is there anything you could have done differently?
3. During a recent conversation, was it balanced, or did you speak more than the other person?
4. Why was this? Was it a one-off, or does this one-sided style of conversation happen regularly?

Ways to Get the Balance Right

The following suggestions may help you find that fine line between selfishness and self-care.

Understanding

To be blunt, not everything revolves around you. Your own priorities may not necessarily be the same as another person’s; they will have their own challenges and priorities to deal with. Take a moment out to remind yourself of this when you need something from someone else can help ease any frustrations.

Awareness

Be aware of the words you use toward others and of your surroundings. Keep the word respect in mind and pause a little more to think before you speak.

Giving

Be a giver, not just a receiver. This doesn’t need to be of material things only; it can also be time spent listening to someone. Become a good listener as well as a good talker. This will definitely help to make you a much better friend.

Empathy

Taking a moment to think first before judging or weighing in with advice involves empathy. Put yourself in another’s shoes and ask the right questions to understand your friend better or a loved one’s perspective or dilemma.

Acceptance

Don’t live your life only to seek validation from others. It can be easy to yearn for validation and acceptance, which can be a slippery slope to self-absorption. Instead, have faith in yourself and your own abilities- and give compliments to others where they are due. You’ll find they come back on their own.

The post Are You Too Selfish? appeared first on myEAblog.com.

While the dictionary defines confidence as feeling sure of yourself and your abilities, some high achievers have another understanding of what it means. They believe it will come once they get another qualification or reach their next goal. Many will wait for approval from someone they consider superior or more experienced before they feel good enough.

In many ways, desiring external validation is normal and gives a person a boost, but it cannot replace their belief in themselves.

This poses a big question: Why are we socially conditioned to value external validation more than our approval? The answer lies in evolution. According to some organizational behavior psychologists, “Homo sapiens emerged some 200,000 years ago, yet according to evolutionary psychology, people today still seek those traits that made survival possible then: for instance, an instinct to fight furiously when threatened and a drive to trade information and share secrets.”

 Path to Acceptance

Similarly, being part of a group was necessary for living and hunter-gatherer ancestors. And while the world has changed since then, that instinct to fit in is hardwired. What was once essential for survival has evolved into cultural normality. “One of our more enduring social misconceptions is the idea that what others think of us matters; while this notion has primal evolutionary roots, its shift from survival instinct to social imperative has become a formidable obstacle to self-acceptance.” Says psychotherapist Michael J. Formica.

Gaining confidence is not a matter of eliminating your desire for external validation. It’s about making a conscious effort to start accepting who you are so you feel safe to be yourself. I have learned that validation is part of being interdependent and relying on the feedback and encouragement of others around us. Even very independent people still need this in some aspects of their lives. However, they can also accept their self-validation if they don’t get it from someone else.

Remember: the confidence you are seeking is inside you, and it’s growing stronger every moment that you place your focus on it.

Find your Inner Power

There are simple ways to help you cultivate your self-confidence, a good start.

1. Get to know yourself

Go on a self-discovery journey. Learn who you are rather than who others think you should be. It’s not about labeling yourself; it’s about gaining awareness and permitting yourself to move through the world in that way of being—an excellent way to start with asking yourself some of these questions.

• What lights you up?
• What depletes you?
• What are your natural strengths?
• What are your weaknesses?

2. Don’t try to be perfect

Know that being confident isn’t about being right or perfect. Try to be compassionate toward yourself when you are neither of those things. Your confidence is not dependent on a specific result or outcome, and it’s not about being in control. It’s deep-rooted knowledge that you are always enough, even when you make a mistake or don’t feel your best.

If you hear that inner voice of yours telling you that you’re not at your best, replace that voice with one that says, ‘I am enough.’ Repeat this every morning and evening until it’s baked in your brain and your mind accepts it. I am enough, and I have enough. I have been and will always be enough.

3. Don’t underestimate your capabilities.

The mind can run wild thinking of the potentially unfavorable outcomes and the various what-ifs. The next time this happens, remind yourself that you’re talented, capable, and resourceful.

You’ve survived bad days, losses, let downs and created many opportunities for yourself. Most importantly, you are capable of experiencing negative emotions and allowing them to pass, which is part of the human experience. What do you believe about yourself and your abilities? Are they valid? What would your friends or family think of them?

4. Learn to refuse

Doing this for something that isn’t right for you is one of the most confident things you can do. When you come across something that makes you feel small, and you say no, you feel that it doesn’t honor your values or doesn’t work for where you are in your life right now, you are saying that you value yourself and your time.

5. Trust yourself

The next time you think about changing your answer to please someone or watering down your message to appeal to more people, take a moment and remember you are on your own path. It might look different to your friends, colleagues or the one your parents chose but that is perfectly normal. Keep following your curiosity and trust what’s unfolding in front of you.

6. Focus on something that you desire

Maybe you want a specific lifestyle, a travel opportunity, or a successful career. Try to think of something that excites you but also scares you a bit. This vision will require you to expand into a bigger, more self-assured version of yourself, and you will need the courage to get there.

7. Be quietly confident

You might think the most confident person in a room is the loudest, most charismatic individual with lots of people around them, but that’s rarely the case. It’s often the one who has a calm sense of peace and doesn’t need to prove who they are.

Final thoughts

Start taking small steps beyond your comfort zone and watch your confidence grow as you show yourself how highly capable you are. Remember that the more you believe in yourself, the more others will. As your confidence increases, you might notice others look to you for answers and offer you a new level of support.

It’s also possible you will feel more at ease with people you were once nervous around. Compliments ad encouragement from others are great plus points when you already feel good about who you are.

The post Validation and Courage of Conviction appeared first on myEAblog.com.

Like Carl Rogers, a psychologist, says, “like sunsets, we’re becoming. It’s the process that makes us wonderful and perfect, even if we need or think we need a bit of editing at any given moment. Perhaps, this is why photos of sunsets are often disappointing. The unfolding captures our hearts, but our pictures are still. It might also be why we can differ in the moment of perfection.”

Some of us feel most moved by the promise of the sky’s early rosy tones, while others are dazzled by the intensity of its peak.

Present Imperfect

Perfection is elusive. We know it and desire it anyway. Artists probably know this better than anyone. They have a passion for drawing and painting all sorts of things from a young age, but all they draw, they think it’s nothing worth taking into account. They continue the art of perfection; they keep painting and drawing more, but nothing measures up to them becoming “real painters” in their eyes. It’s just not there yet! The truth is, will it ever be there?

If these experiences teach us anything, one person’s perfection will almost certainly seem flawed to another. The paradox of imperfect perfect makes intuitive sense because we experience it in nature every day. As Alice Walker said, “In nature, nothing is perfect, and everything is perfect. Trees can be contorted, bent in weird ways, yet still beautiful.” This applies to people we love all the more for their scars, sorrows, and terrible jokes.

You’d think there would be a handy phrase to help us pass on this wisdom, but instead of “imperfect is perfect,” we have “practice makes perfect.”

Perfection Myth

“Practice makes perfect” is a story we’ve been telling one another for a decade. According to a 2014 survey of childhood wisdom conducted by the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children in the United Kingdom, it’s the most influential saying passed from adults to children.

Can you remember the first time you heard the phrase? Could you guess how many times you have heard it in your life? I can’t because I lost count! You might say it too from time to time. I do as well.

The phrase is so neat and has such pleasing symmetry and alliterative flair that it slips under our truth radar unquestioned. So, what hope is there for the rest of us?

The things we say over and over again have great power. Like a prayer or mantra, an oft-repeated phrase echoes inward, shaping our belief system, and outward, influencing others and the world we share. If we practice and don’t achieve perfection in what we do, or worse, in who we are, we’re likely to feel discouraged at best.

Over a while, our small failures can snowball into self-doubt, anxiety, depression, shame, guilt, and fear. The gentle art of getting it wrong means knowing our efforts will be imperfect and trying anyway. Somewhere in the process, we will experience something akin to perfection when we least expect it.

Seven Ways to Practice Imperfection

At first, embracing imperfection might mean not trying our best, but it’s more about being kind to yourself in pursuing goals or undertaking new tasks. The ways of being outlined here are truthful and nonjudgmental. Recalling and using them can help you feel more able to meet complex tasks and situations. If being vulnerable or accepting is too hard today, practice self-compassion. Put your feet up, grab a hot cup of coffee and a good book, know you need this space, and don’t feel guilty about it.

1. Vulnerability: look beneath your perfect

It’s vulnerable to make an effort. Sitting for an exam, meeting someone new, repairing a punctured relationship vulnerability because we don’t know what will happen when we begin. We hope for success, whether it comes dressed as an A-grade or compliment. However, there’s every chance we will end up with a burned pan or a flat tire. But a triumph is not the point. As author and professor Brene Brown say, the more we “show up” and “step up,” the greater our courage and resilience. And when we shift our focus from the illusion of perfect success to imperfect grounding experiences, we feel more able to risk vulnerability and encounter more of what life offers.

2. Enough: the present is all you need

When looking for wisdom on the art of moderation, the Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius’s Meditations is a series of personal writings that are honest, humble, and kind. He wrote about grieving the loss of his wife and how life is short, to get what you can from the present thoughtfully and justly. As a stoic, he practiced “unrestrained moderation” in all life’s sensory and material pleasures, valuing a clear head and self-restraint over excess and indulgence. He wrote, “very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself in your way of thinking.”

3. Reaching Out: perform random acts of kindness

Doing good is good for you. Random acts of kindness help other people and can also improve personal well-being. People taking part in studies of altruism say they feel physically healthier, less stressed, and happier due to volunteering. The trick is to do good deeds without fuss and in moderation. If we advertise our kindness, we may unconsciously seek the reward of praise, and if we overdo it, we might start to feel resentful and unappreciated. The Dalai Lama described altruism as a seed that, when cultivated, will blossom into forgiveness, tolerance, and confidence to overcome fear and insecurity.

4. Intention: toward what are you pointing your power?

You can do anything, but not everything. This should be your new mantra; trying to do one thing perfectly is enough to compromise self-esteem, but trying to do many things perfectly is impossible and can only result in stress and failure.

5. Thankfulness: notice the small perfections in each day

Whether a butterfly at your widow, a call from an old friend, or a walk on a beautiful day. Being thankful runs so much deeper than politeness. In recent years, the distinction has been made by using gratitude to denote a more deliberate practice of thankfulness. We know from research that people who practice gratitude regularly notice an improvement in their mood, sleep, physical and mental well-being, resilience, patience, and relationships.

6. Acceptance: let the light in

Life is filled with suboptimal moments; raining summer days, missed trains, broken washer or dryer, and broken mugs being a few of the more trivial ones. Resigning ourselves to a life of these moments is awful. Tolerance buries sadness or anger that may harm us later; as for understanding, accidents happen. There is no use throwing our hands in the air and dwelling. “Why did this happen to me? Why, oh why?”. By describing the forces that rock us and recognizing them for what they are, without resignation, tolerance, or understanding, we can choose how we respond and allow ourselves to find peaceful acceptance. As musician Leonard Cohen says, “There is a crack in everything; that’s how the light gets in.”

7. Self-compassion: there is no flow without ebb

The first six practices on this list require some effort, and this is only possible when the foundations of self-compassion have been laid first. This final practice is for other times. The occasions when we falter, go inward, or ebb. This is a period for self-compassion, which will look different to each of us. It might be a bath, a long walk, a duvet day, a quiet movie, a night out, or a talk with a friend.

The point, as American Tibetan Buddhist nun Pema Chodron teaches, “isn’t some kind of self-improvement project or ideal… it starts and ends with having compassion for all those unwanted parts of ourselves.” It’s about embracing all those perfect imperfections.

The question remains- do you dare practice the gentle art of getting wrong and applying self-compassion from start to finish? What are the results?

The post The Gentle Art of Getting it Wrong appeared first on myEAblog.com.

For example, your team will be able to develop new skills and gain knowledge, which prepares them for more responsibility in the future.

Delegation can also clearly show that you respect your subordinates’ abilities and trust their discretion. Employees who feel trusted and respected tend to have a higher level of commitment to their work, their organization, and, especially, their managers.

How do you delegate tasks effectively; there are a few things to consider.

• Choose the right person for the task

• Explain why you are delegating; providing context goes a long way

• Provide sufficient instructions

• Allow for training and access to resources

• Delegate responsibility and authority to make decisions empower the individual to carry on with the task. Nurture an environment and culture where people feel they can make decisions, ask questions, and take the necessary steps to complete the work.

• Inspect what you expect. Follow up on the work you delegated to your team members when it’s complete, make sure they did it correctly, and give them any feedback needed to improve when handling the task.

• Don’t forget to say thank you. Take the time to show genuine appreciation and point out specific things they did right or well. When you note those specifics, you’re giving people a roadmap for what they should continue to do to be successful. This is the most straightforward step but one of the hardest for many people to learn. It will inspire loyalty, provide satisfaction for work, and become the basis for mentoring and performance reviews.

Now that we discuss things to consider, let’s list the tasks that leaders can delegate effectively and when it makes more sense for a leader to spend time on higher priorities versus low priorities. Having an administrative professional to help with these tasks is also an excellent investment if you do not have to support yourself.

1. Calendar management & booking meetings
2. Travel booking
3. Expense management
4. HR management tasks: performance review process, vacation approval, onboarding, and offboarding staff logistics.
5. Departmental budget cycle management
6. Office Operation management
7. File management and record retention schedules
8. Meetings Management: invites, tracking attendance, compiling of agendas, meeting minutes, and follow-ups on action items.
9. Special ad-hoc projects; one-off type of projects: e.g., office move/refresh
10. Presentation slides: tasks related explicitly to formatting or designing slides.
11. Culture building: staff activities and social events that increase morale and cultivate the team-building spirit and strengthen relationships
12. Annual celebrations & gifting ideas
13. Event management and planning, restaurant reservations and catering
14. Department communication: internal messaging, announcements, monthly newsletter, etc.
15. Crisis management and business continuity
16. Market Research: content, competitors, and informational data
17. Social media management
18. Process and improvement procedures/protocols
19. Registrations to events, professional development, or conferences
20. Facility management and vendor negotiations.

Final Thoughts

If you delegate effectively, you can increase trust and commitment with your employees, improve productivity, and make sure the right people perform the tasks that best suit them. Delegating is not about offloading your work; it’s about providing learning opportunities to your staff.

Please do not mistake offloading your work as a development opportunity for someone else. A thoughtful leader will balance and evaluate the difference between low-value learning opportunities and high meaningful ones. A leader is encouraged to allow new pathways to learning opportunities that provide growth, balance challenge, and suit the individual involved. Offloading your work is not a development opportunity for others.

The post Tasks that Leaders Can Delegate appeared first on myEAblog.com.

You mute your delivery out of fear of being misjudged or having to be the unpopular spoken opinion in the room. You play it safe.

As a result, a less powerful version of yourself shows up. I understand that there’s value in being aware of our audience, but I would be inclined to say how often we make assumptions about our audience that are wrong.

These same assumptions lead us to show up differently, less authentic therefore less powerful.

So, if you want things to change, you must choose to do it differently.

The details of people around us won’t change, but how we choose to show up can. I recently needed to remind myself of that. I could never control or change how people behave, react, or show up if I was honest with myself. But I can only control how I show up within a situation.

It has nothing at all to do with being the most liked, the loudest voice, or taking more space for speaking. Showing up powerfully is about making choices that align with who you are, what lights you up from inside, brings you joy, and supports you in living consciously.

A mentor recently reminded me that I couldn’t fix or save everything. The situation sometimes calls for me to stand down and remain on the sidelines as events unfold. Because the only way out is the way through, at first, we don’t always see it that way.

We rush to either resist, hide, avoid, or numb from difficult emotions or conflict, whether personally or professionally. Most of us are not reasonably equipped to handle the waves, the highs, the lows, or the depth.

What is the solution?

You Name it:

In what scenario do you show up as a muted version of yourself?

Is it when you are in a meeting, networking event, family gathering, new situation, or a significant life-changing decision or discussion? What’s in for you to stay silenced? What are you gaining? What are you losing in the process?

Get Clear on your Values:

What are your values? What matters to you the most? What can and can’t you live with? A list of the qualities that need to be present to live your best, most authentic, fulfilling, and joyful life. What are those values that help support you in living in harmony, calmness, and peace of mind? When I think about my values, they are ownership, inclusive, fairness, resilience, hope, faith, joy, efficiency, getting out of my comfort zone, family, and mindfulness.

What are yours?

Use your Values List as a Tool:

I recommend capturing your values List or manifesto where you can see it as a reminder for when you are in these situations. Maybe in a notebook, a journal, or printed and framed on your desk or plain post-it note on your mirror where you can see it daily. I know you probably think this sounds crazy, but it works. Try it before you resist it.

Let your values list or manifest serve as a reminder for you to go into a situation. Refer to your list and acknowledge the values you honor when you choose to show up powerfully in the situation.

What do you notice?

It’s about choosing to get out of your way, so you can influence, lead, or live with more impact as a participant rather than a consumer.

No regrets or judgment:

Once you decide that showing up powerfully is what brings joy and lights you up, you will need to step into your power. As life will continue to throw curveballs your way, showing up powerfully becomes the pathway to making more decisions from a place of “being” instead of “doing.”

This truth is not necessarily easy, but a change mindset and daily practice will help you hone the path of least resistance. As a result, you become more self-aware and will be making decisions that align with what you believe to be authentic and truthful to who you are as a human being. Eliminating regrets, judgment, or looking back in the past ruminating on “should’ve, could’ve statement” but instead finding courage, ownership, and acceptance of all parts of yourself, the good and flawed parts of oneself.

Final Thoughts:

Frankly, you can never control how your actions will land, interpret, or how people will respond, but you can control how you feel and why you choose to own your power and take action.

When you ground yourself in your values, you can trust that showing up powerfully is simply in line with who you are authentically.

The post How to Show Up Powerfully appeared first on myEAblog.com.

You can probably remember a time you gave something your best effort in the hope of achieving a goal, and yet you didn’t make progress at the rate you were expecting. You might even be experiencing this now, and the chances are it’ll happen again in the future.

Targets are great things to have. They can create a sense of purpose and keep you motivated. The trick, however, is learning to keep them in check because to cross the line from healthy aspiration to intense desire leaves too much room for feelings of inadequacy to creep in if and when things don’t go as planned.

The struggle that often follows when you set a goal is natural. Part of the battle is finding enjoyment in the journey, but this isn’t easy when your to-do list seems never-ending, and it’s a choice between ticking one more thing off or getting a good night’s sleep. If you aren’t careful, your dream can soon become all-consuming, and the passion for the project is lost in worry and self-doubt.

Suddenly, it’s a burden to bear. This is even more likely to happen if you base your self-worth on attaining goals. So, what happens when, for whatever reason, these targets are deferred? Consider this your guide for when you’re giving it your all but with little sign of success.

1. Empower yourself

When you’re aiming high, patience is key. Life isn’t next-day delivery. It’s important to realize we’re not being ‘picked out’ to go slower or to have it harder than anyone else. And it doesn’t mean things aren’t happening. Instead, we can’t be in control of every single part of something coming to life. It can be freeing to realize that unexpected external factors will affect the rate of progress.

It’s also about making sure that you’re a good host for the opportunity when the opportunity you want does arrive. Are you feeling your best and looking after yourself so that you can rise to meet it? You might be so focused on the end goal that you’ve forgotten about living with its outcome. Consider how you might create the conditions for what you want to happen.

2. Befriend Comparison

Something to watch out for is how you respond to comparison. The plethora of social media apps available means it’s never been easier to look at someone else’s good news and wonder why it’s not your turn to share the same. The comparison doesn’t have to be a negative experience. Sometimes you can get caught in the moment of “I don’t have that, and it should be mine,” which is unpleasant. But it’s in that moment you are reminded of how much you desire something and how important it is to you.

The comparison feels horrible because it reminds you where you’re not and how far you’ve got to go. Take any negative feelings and reframe them as evidence that what you want is possible because if others can have it, so can you.

Nobody gets to skip the work, but it’s easy to forget when looking at perfect artwork or smiley photo posts. Try not to let it harm your contentment. Noticing your trigger for comparison can help you become clearer on what you want. Name some of your triggers; what do they reveal to you?

3. Let Ambition Serve you

Ambition plays a role in how kind or unkind you are to yourself when it feels as though you could be doing more. Or that your full capacity is never enough. Even if you don’t regard yourself as ambitious, that quality tends to reveal itself when someone is invested in meeting a target, be it professional or personal.

Aspirations can serve to cultivate the energy needed to set things in motion. When you allow your goals to dominate your mindset, however, you can motivate yourself to the point of punishment. There will always be one more thing to do, but learning to view relaxation as necessary rather than lax will be better for your well-being and your relationship toward your objective. Consider how you can best use time away from everyday life to recharge.

4. Be Clear on Your Worth

It’s also sensible not to rate one’s worth in terms of productivity. My worth is not measured by ticking off tasks. It’s measured by my continued passion for loving what I’m doing. Adopting this mindset isn’t easy, and there are often other external pressures that come into play that make it hard, so it’s important not to feel bad if it’s a struggle to put enough distance between your self-worth and successes.

It takes a lot of practice to think this way, but in the long run, it will help to negate any feelings of guilt when the pending items on a task list steadfastly refuse to be ticked off. Deciding on non-negotiable things that make you feel good, like going for a walk or meditation, will limit your productive hours. What do you enjoy doing?

5. Find self-compassion

Setting mini-targets, almost like checkpoints, can help to manage thoughts that you aren’t achieving what you “should” be. Try listing them. And when you hit these mini-milestones, mark the occasion, and derive as much enjoyment from it as you can. What reward might you give yourself?

6. Is your Dream Demanding Too Much of you?

It probably is if you’re wondering whether it’s time to put your goal on hold. Rest is an essential part of the process, after all. Are you doing or experiencing any of the below:

• Sacrificing sleep often
• Running on adrenaline most of the time
• Coping with dread or anxiety at the thought of your goal rather than feeling excited
• Feeling guilty when you take time off
• Canceling social plans
• Forgetting to eat regular healthy meals
• Stopping personal activities you enjoy, like reading, walking, or painting
• Not making time to exercise or get outside
• Allowing your self-worth to fluctuate in line with successes and setbacks.
• Always thinking about your goal, from first thing in the morning to last thing a night.

If you said yes to at least three of these, it could signify that it’s time to schedule some fun plans that have nothing to do with your goal. Carving out the time and space to enjoy activities that have nothing to do with your goal can refresh your thinking process and might even spark new inspiration.

Lastly, I suggest you consider activities that you could do each week to bring you serenity and calmness and recharge your spirit.

The post When Your Most Isn’t Enough appeared first on myEAblog.com.