When Your Most Isn’t Enough
Whether forging a new career opportunity, creating a dynamic fitness plan, or making new friends, hitting a goal is rarely smooth sailing. Here’s how to cope when your best falls short.
You can probably remember a time you gave something your best effort in the hope of achieving a goal, and yet you didn’t make progress at the rate you were expecting. You might even be experiencing this now, and the chances are it’ll happen again in the future.
Targets are great things to have. They can create a sense of purpose and keep you motivated. The trick, however, is learning to keep them in check because to cross the line from healthy aspiration to intense desire leaves too much room for feelings of inadequacy to creep in if and when things don’t go as planned.
The struggle that often follows when you set a goal is natural. Part of the battle is finding enjoyment in the journey, but this isn’t easy when your to-do list seems never-ending, and it’s a choice between ticking one more thing off or getting a good night’s sleep. If you aren’t careful, your dream can soon become all-consuming, and the passion for the project is lost in worry and self-doubt.
Suddenly, it’s a burden to bear. This is even more likely to happen if you base your self-worth on attaining goals. So, what happens when, for whatever reason, these targets are deferred? Consider this your guide for when you’re giving it your all but with little sign of success.
- Empower yourself
When you’re aiming high, patience is key. Life isn’t next-day delivery. It’s important to realize we’re not being ‘picked out’ to go slower or to have it harder than anyone else. And it doesn’t mean things aren’t happening. Instead, we can’t be in control of every single part of something coming to life. It can be freeing to realize that unexpected external factors will affect the rate of progress.
It’s also about making sure that you’re a good host for the opportunity when the opportunity you want does arrive. Are you feeling your best and looking after yourself so that you can rise to meet it? You might be so focused on the end goal that you’ve forgotten about living with its outcome. Consider how you might create the conditions for what you want to happen.
- Befriend Comparison
Something to watch out for is how you respond to comparison. The plethora of social media apps available means it’s never been easier to look at someone else’s good news and wonder why it’s not your turn to share the same. The comparison doesn’t have to be a negative experience. Sometimes you can get caught in the moment of “I don’t have that, and it should be mine,” which is unpleasant. But it’s in that moment you are reminded of how much you desire something and how important it is to you.
The comparison feels horrible because it reminds you where you’re not and how far you’ve got to go. Take any negative feelings and reframe them as evidence that what you want is possible because if others can have it, so can you.
Nobody gets to skip the work, but it’s easy to forget when looking at perfect artwork or smiley photo posts. Try not to let it harm your contentment. Noticing your trigger for comparison can help you become clearer on what you want. Name some of your triggers; what do they reveal to you?
- Let Ambition Serve you
Ambition plays a role in how kind or unkind you are to yourself when it feels as though you could be doing more. Or that your full capacity is never enough. Even if you don’t regard yourself as ambitious, that quality tends to reveal itself when someone is invested in meeting a target, be it professional or personal.
Aspirations can serve to cultivate the energy needed to set things in motion. When you allow your goals to dominate your mindset, however, you can motivate yourself to the point of punishment. There will always be one more thing to do, but learning to view relaxation as necessary rather than lax will be better for your well-being and your relationship toward your objective. Consider how you can best use time away from everyday life to recharge.
- Be Clear on Your Worth
It’s also sensible not to rate one’s worth in terms of productivity. My worth is not measured by ticking off tasks. It’s measured by my continued passion for loving what I’m doing. Adopting this mindset isn’t easy, and there are often other external pressures that come into play that make it hard, so it’s important not to feel bad if it’s a struggle to put enough distance between your self-worth and successes.
It takes a lot of practice to think this way, but in the long run, it will help to negate any feelings of guilt when the pending items on a task list steadfastly refuse to be ticked off. Deciding on non-negotiable things that make you feel good, like going for a walk or meditation, will limit your productive hours. What do you enjoy doing?
- Find self-compassion
Setting mini-targets, almost like checkpoints, can help to manage thoughts that you aren’t achieving what you “should” be. Try listing them. And when you hit these mini-milestones, mark the occasion, and derive as much enjoyment from it as you can. What reward might you give yourself?
- Is your Dream Demanding Too Much of you?
It probably is if you’re wondering whether it’s time to put your goal on hold. Rest is an essential part of the process, after all. Are you doing or experiencing any of the below:
- Sacrificing sleep often
- Running on adrenaline most of the time
- Coping with dread or anxiety at the thought of your goal rather than feeling excited
- Feeling guilty when you take time off
- Canceling social plans
- Forgetting to eat regular healthy meals
- Stopping personal activities you enjoy, like reading, walking, or painting
- Not making time to exercise or get outside
- Allowing your self-worth to fluctuate in line with successes and setbacks.
- Always thinking about your goal, from first thing in the morning to last thing a night.
If you said yes to at least three of these, it could signify that it’s time to schedule some fun plans that have nothing to do with your goal. Carving out the time and space to enjoy activities that have nothing to do with your goal can refresh your thinking process and might even spark new inspiration.
Lastly, I suggest you consider activities that you could do each week to bring you serenity and calmness and recharge your spirit.
