Various factors can influence self-efficacy, including past experiences, social support, and physiological and emotional states. For example, if you have completed a similar task in the past, you may feel more confident in your ability to do so again. However, if you have repeatedly failed at a particular task, your self-efficacy may need to be higher.

As studies have shown that social support also plays a role in self-efficacy. If you have people who believe in and encourage you, your self-efficacy may be higher. While if you are surrounded by people who are pessimistic or doubt your abilities, your self-efficacy may suffer.

Physiological and emotional states can also impact self-efficacy. When you feel tired, stressed, or overwhelmed, your self-efficacy may be lower. Your self-efficacy will likely increase when you feel rested, relaxed, and focused.

Search and studies have shown that self-efficacy can be improved through various strategies, which include:

Setting achievable goals: Setting goals that are too difficult can lead to feelings of frustration and defeat, while setting goals that are too easy can lead to a shortfall in motivation and boredom. By setting achievable but challenging goals, you can build your self-efficacy and confidence in your abilities.

Seeking feedback: Receiving feedback from others can help you pinpoint your strengths and areas for improvement, boosting your self-efficacy. Ensure you seek input from trusted people who have your best interests at heart.

Seeking social support: Surrounding yourself with supportive and encouraging people can help boost your self-efficacy. These people can provide encouragement, motivation, and guidance as you work towards your goals.

Practicing self-affirmation: Engaging in self-affirmation, or repeating positive statements to yourself, can help increase your self-efficacy and confidence. This can be especially helpful when facing a challenging task or situation.

Engaging in positive self-talk: Similar to self-affirmation, engaging in positive self-talk can help boost your self-efficacy. Instead of focusing on negative thoughts or self-doubt, try to reassess your thoughts and hold them in a more positive light.

Using visualization techniques: Visualizing yourself completing a task or achieving a goal can help increase your self-efficacy and confidence. Take a few moments to close your eyes and picture yourself succeeding in the task or goal you are working towards.

Engaging in activities that challenge you: Taking on tasks or actions can help build your self-efficacy. You can gain confidence in your abilities and increase your self-efficacy by successfully completing these tasks.

Final thoughts

Self-efficacy is an essential factor in motivation and performance, and there are many strategies you can use to improve it. By setting achievable goals, seeking feedback and social support, practicing self-affirmation and positive self-talk, using visualization techniques, and engaging in activities that challenge you, you can increase your self-efficacy and confidence in your abilities. This, in turn, can help you take on new challenges and persist in the face of setbacks.

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Reflect on your behavior: The first step in transforming a difficult relationship is to take a step back and consider your behavior and actions. Are you contributing to the negative dynamic in the relationship? Are there patterns of behavior that you could change to improve the relationship?

Communicate openly and honestly: Communication is vital in any relationship, but it is essential in difficult ones. Make an effort to be open and honest with the other person and try to listen to their perspective. Jumping to conclusions or making assumptions should be avoided while instead being open to compromise and finding common ground.

Set boundaries: Establishing and respecting boundaries in any relationship is essential. This can help to reduce conflict and increase understanding and respect between you and the other person. Be clear about what you are and are not comfortable with, and be willing to communicate your boundaries to the other person.

Practice empathy: The ability to understand and share another person’s feelings is known as empathy. When dealing with a difficult relationship,  put yourself in the other person’s shoes to better understand their perspective. This can help to reduce conflict and build a deeper connection between you.

Seek outside help: If you are struggling to transform a difficult relationship on your own, consider seeking the help of a coach, therapist, or counselor. They can provide you with the tools and support you need to work through your challenges.

Take care of yourself: It is important to prioritize your well-being when working to transform a difficult relationship. Make sure to set aside time for self-care and practice healthy coping mechanisms to manage any negative emotions that may come up.

Practice forgiveness: Forgiveness is an essential step in transforming a difficult relationship. It does not mean that you have to forget about the harm that has been done, but it does mean letting go of anger and resentment and working towards a more positive future.

Be patient: Transforming a complicated relationship takes time and effort, and being patient with yourself and the other person is essential. It’s critical to note that change does not happen overnight, and it is important to be kind and understanding as you work towards a healthier relationship.

In conclusion, while difficult relationships can be challenging, they can also be an opportunity for growth and transformation. By reflecting on your behavior, communicating openly and honestly, setting boundaries, practicing empathy, seeking outside help, taking care of yourself, and practicing forgiveness, you can work towards transforming a difficult relationship into a healthier and more positive connection.

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Structure Your Decision

Getting a job offer is a significant ego boost. It shows that your skills are desired, and you are a potentially valuable asset to the team. However, it’s important to think beyond the flattery and give careful consideration to what’s most beneficial for you and your career. Both long-and short-term. Career decisions can get complicated and risky, and maintaining objectivity without a plan is next to impossible. Before you begin to think through your decision-making process, outline your career goals and criteria for acceptance, laying out a roadmap for evaluating each element.

Ask Questions

We all know not every promise made during an interview will eventually be fulfilled. There are employers who optimistically paint that overly rose-colored picture of an incredible work experience in their organization, which can fuel unrealistic expectations of job candidates about what to expect. This happens more often than you think.

You can mitigate being led astray with a bit of preemptive planning by taking a deep dive into the culture and environment during interviews. It’s essential to ask exploratory questions about employee engagement, expectations, metrics, challenges faced, growth potential, and, just as vital, how long people historically stay in their roles. Some good questions to start with:

• What would success in the role look like to you?
• How often do one-on-ones take place with your staff?
• What do you like about working here?

Beware of Cognitive Bias

The tendency to favor information that supports what we believe, like noticing and buying into stories that align with our current views, is known as Confirmation bias. Confirmation bias comes in many forms, such as giving more credence to information linked to recent memory, so it’s essential to identify and counter these biases quickly before making any life-altering decisions, such as a career change.

Seek an Outside Perspective

An organization’s genuine commitment to employee development and determining whether it walks the walk should be a purpose bigger than just its tagline. To learn whether a company’s values are in sync with your own is hard enough to do without first talking to people who already work there. Before accepting any offer, you would benefit from making it a priority to network with employees who work for the company if you can. Let them know you are interested in joining, and get their view of what it’s like on the inside.

When you do reach a tentative decision, ensure you discuss your decision-making criteria with those you know who will challenge your assumptions rather than relying on people who share your views. Look for individuals with no vested interest in your ultimate choice and tell them they can help you most by being entirely honest.

With some thoughtful planning, lay out a roadmap for your decision and career goals. Pay close attention to your assumptions and biases, and take a minute out to ask the right people the right questions prior to accepting a new position. Recognizing and discussing the realities of your role, responsibilities, and relationships upfront can help you avoid a painful career misstep.

When You Make an Impulsive Move

Switching jobs without rationally thinking it through may tempt you to accept a job quickly just to get away. Soon after starting the new career, you’ll question why you acted so impulsively. For example, the recruiter may have pushed the role too aggressively,  or perhaps the interviewer(s) over-promised and under-delivered. In your haste to join the resign-my-job club, you may have overlooked the obvious red flags (personally been there, done that).

You may find yourself stuck in a rebound job. Now you may be faced with this dilemma. Do you quit after only a couple of months, or do you try to stick it out for another year or so to keep your résumé looking enticing to recruiters? Truth be told, you have every right to worry about looking like a job hopper. Every time you go for an interview, you’ll be grilled over the short stint. It’s not fair, but this is what happens.

To make matters worse, being unhappy in the new role, you start searching again. Feeling disappointed and desperate, it’s likely that you’ll take the first offer to escape. The odds are high that this wasn’t the best offer or job. Now, you are in another dead-end role. These will be two instances you now have to suffer through explaining to human resources for the rest of your career.

To make matters worse, when the topic of your job switches arises, you’ll understandably feel angry and frustrated. This is not a good look in the interview. The hiring manager may question your decision-making process and surly attitude and take a pass for someone with a “cleaner” job history.

Lateral Moves

You are advised not to make lateral moves; a new job appears to be your only chance of making a giant leap in title and compensation. Yes, if you are going for the title and salary, and if that’s your goal, you may find what you are looking for. However, more money and a better title rarely are what makes you happy in a job. And given how flat some companies are today, there is often nowhere to go in your current position or another one. It would be best if you focused on finding exciting work and instead look for autonomy, mastery, and purpose rather than worrying about lateral moves.

Always on The Lookout for Your Next Job

In a perfect world, you should never be looking for your next job if you love what you do and are in a flow state. You want to be happy and not feel like you’re constantly searching. Research points out a form of “flow” as a neurological condition of our brain where we can achieve maximum productivity while simultaneously, our brain consumes very little energy. In effect, we are fully immersed in what we do in our job. We remain fully absorbed, even losing a sense of time, yet we can function at our best. When you have found this “flow” in a particular job, then looking for your next one would be seen as unnecessary.

Regardless, even if you’ve found a role that you are happy with, you should still be learning and growing. It does not have to be a new role with a new company, but it can be a different role or maybe a challenge in your existing job. As we know, the world is changing so rapidly that you must be agile or adaptable. Look for training or projects that give you more skills and allow you to do things outside your comfort zone, not just the ones you need for your current role.

When Changing Jobs or Careers is a Good Option

• Let’s say you dread getting up in the morning, with the thought of work leaving you feeling stressed, anxious, or with a case of “the Mondays”? It may be an excellent time to begin thinking if this is the right job or career for you. As many who have or have ever had this feeling know all too well, it doesn’t go away without making a meaningful change in your life.
• You lack interest in the role. It has become an old “familiar shoe.” You could probably do this job with your eyes closed. You may be feeling bored and even no longer motivated to do more than what’s required of the position. You are no longer passionate about it. It might be time to seek new opportunities or challenges to get you out of the comfort zone you are in right now.
• There are no career advancement opportunities. An important motivational factor in one’s career is often advancement itself. You may want to be a manager or a leader, but there is no clear path at your current company. Or you may have plateaued in your role, and there are no paths available to make an impact within the current organization. Whatever your professional objectives, if you can’t see a clear path to landing your ideal position, this may no longer be the best fit for you.
• You would like more compensation. Research to know what your peers in similar positions are making. Sites like Glassdoor and Indeed can help you identify the average salary for any given job title. You could discover that your income is either above or below the industry average for your position. In any case, knowing this information will help you determine if leaving your current work will result in higher pay.
• You no longer share the ideals of the organization. You could no longer be in line with the company’s goal, purpose, or vision as a result of a restructuring or a change in leadership. To increase your clarity on this, looking at what you value is a great place to start. Describe the ideals you uphold on a personal or professional level. Decide on the 4-5 basic ideals that apply to both areas of your life. This might assist you in finding discrepancies between your values and those of your firm. Additionally, it will make it clearer which kinds of businesses you want to work with in the future.
• Your job is impacting you personally. Whether it is a lack of work-life balance, work stress coming home with you, or your relationships being affected, it may be time to consider a change. One way to notice if this is the case for you is to check in with your body. Are you not sleeping, having headaches, or having gastrointestinal issues? All these can be signs that something is off and needs attention. A notable change in your work environment may be warranted.

Over your career, you are likely to switch jobs multiple times. I would not feel so bad or consider myself a job-hopper. There are always personal or professional circumstances that bring about change; regardless of the reasons for change, whether a volunteer or forced, in the end, everyone is looking for a fulfilling, meaningful, and challenging role. In addition to work-life balance and learning opportunities, that creates a state of flow and satisfaction. Until this need is fulfilled or satisfied, seeking new changes or career moves will constantly be an evolving door until you find what you desire.

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Here are some tips for becoming known for your ideas:

Define your niche and focus on it.

To become known for your ideas, you must have a clear focus and be an expert in a specific area. This means identifying your niche and developing a deep understanding of the topic. By specializing in a particular area, you can differentiate yourself from others and become a go-to source of information and expertise.

Build your knowledge and skills.

To be taken seriously as a thought leader, you must have solid knowledge and skills in your chosen field. This means investing in learning and continuing to educate yourself through formal education, workshops, or self-study.

Share your ideas and expertise.

One of the most effective ways to become known for your ideas is to share them with others. This could be through writing articles, presentations, or sharing your thoughts on social media. By consistently sharing your ideas and expertise, you can build a following and establish yourself as a respected authority in your field.

Network and collaborate.

Networking and collaboration are essential for becoming known for your ideas. Building relationships with other experts and thought leaders in your field can help you gain visibility and credibility. It can also lead to new opportunities for sharing ideas and collaborating on projects.

Be open to feedback and willing to adapt.

Becoming known for your ideas requires a certain level of vulnerability. You will need to be open to feedback and willing to adapt your ideas based on the input of others. This can be challenging, but it is essential for growing and improving as a thought leader.

Stay current and relevant.

You must stay current in your field to remain relevant and continue to be known for your ideas. This means staying current on new research and developments and adapting your ideas and approach accordingly.

Be authentic and genuine.

Authenticity is critical to becoming known for your ideas. Your followers and supporters must believe in you and your thoughts, which requires honesty and genuineness. Be authentic in your interactions with others and be true to your values and beliefs.

In Summary

Becoming known for your ideas takes time and effort but can be rewarding and fulfilling. By focusing on your niche, building your knowledge and skills, sharing your ideas, networking and collaborating, being open to feedback, staying current and relevant, and being authentic and genuine, you can establish yourself as a thought leader and make a real impact with your ideas.

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Top Traits of Highly Resilient People and Tips on Developing Those Traits:

Positive attitude: Highly resilient people have a positive attitude, even in the face of adversity. They believe that they can overcome challenges and that things will get better. To develop a positive attitude, try to focus on the good things in your life and the things you can control. Practice gratitude and look for the silver lining in difficult situations.

Flexibility: Highly resilient people are flexible and adaptable. They are able to adjust to change and adapt to new situations. To develop flexibility, try to be open to new experiences and be willing to try new things. Practice being open-minded and be willing to change your plans if necessary.

Problem-solving skills: Highly resilient people are skilled at finding solutions to problems. They are able to think critically and creatively to come up with effective solutions. To develop problem-solving skills, try to approach problems with a clear mind and an open attitude. Look for multiple solutions and be willing to try different approaches until you find one that works.

Emotional intelligence: Highly resilient people have high emotional intelligence, meaning they are able to understand and manage their own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. To develop emotional intelligence, try becoming more aware of your emotions and how they affect your behavior. Practice mindfulness and try to regulate your emotions in difficult situations.

Emotion Regulation: Resilient people have the ability to regulate their emotions effectively. They can recognize and manage negative emotions, such as fear, anxiety, and stress, and channel them into positive action. To develop emotion regulation, practice mindfulness, deep breathing, and cognitive-behavioral therapy.

Self-awareness: Highly resilient people are self-aware and able to recognize their own strengths and limitations. They are able to understand their own emotions and thoughts, and they are able to manage their reactions to difficult situations. To develop self-awareness, try to be mindful of your own thoughts and emotions and practice self-reflection to better understand your motivations and behavior.

Strong social support: Highly resilient people have strong social support networks and are able to rely on others for help and support when needed. To develop strong social support, try cultivating close relationships with friends and family and be willing to ask for help when needed.

Self-care: Highly resilient people prioritize self-care and make time for activities that nourish their physical, emotional, and mental well-being. To develop self-care habits, try to make time for activities that you enjoy and that help you feel refreshed and rejuvenated. This could include exercise, hobbies, or relaxation techniques.

Coping skills: Highly resilient people have effective coping skills that they can use to manage stress and difficult emotions. To develop coping skills, try to identify your own personal stressors and find strategies that work for you to manage them. This could include techniques such as deep breathing, mindfulness, or seeking support from others.

Persistence: Highly resilient people are persistent and able to keep going even when faced with challenges and setbacks. To develop persistence, try to set goals for yourself and work towards them consistently, even if you encounter setbacks along the way. Practice persistence by trying new things and pursuing your passions, even when faced with challenges.

Optimism: Highly resilient people tend to be optimistic and have a hopeful outlook on life. They believe that things will work out in the end and are able to find the silver lining in difficult situations. To develop optimism, try focusing on your life’s positive aspects and practice gratitude.

Adaptability: Highly resilient people are able to adapt to changing circumstances and find ways to overcome challenges. They are flexible and open to new ideas and are able to adjust their approach as needed. They are also able to see the bigger picture and understand that change is a natural part of life. To develop adaptability, try to embrace change and look for opportunities to learn and grow in the face of it.

Resourcefulness: Highly resilient people are resourceful and are able to find creative solutions to challenges. They are able to think on their feet and come up with innovative ideas and strategies. To develop resourcefulness, try approaching challenges with a problem-solving mindset and looking for creative solutions.

Gratitude: Highly resilient people practice gratitude and are able to find joy and appreciation in the present moment. They are able to recognize the positive aspects of their lives and express gratitude for them. To cultivate gratitude, try to focus on the things you are grateful for and express gratitude regularly.

Resilient Thinking: Resilient people have a resilient mindset. They view challenges and setbacks as temporary and solvable. To develop resilient thinking, practice positive self-talk, cultivate a growth mindset, and reframe negative thoughts into positive ones.

Supportive Relationships: Resilient people have a strong support system. They have close relationships with family, friends, and colleagues who provide emotional support and practical help when needed. To develop supportive relationships, prioritize building and maintaining connections with people who share your values and support your goals.

Perseverance: Resilient people have a strong work ethic and are willing to persevere through difficult times. They do not give up easily and are committed to achieving their goals. To develop perseverance, set achievable goals, break them down into smaller tasks, and celebrate your successes along the way.

Summing up, resilience is a crucial trait that can help individuals overcome challenges and thrive in the face of adversity. By developing the ten traits of highly resilient people, you can increase your own resilience and improve your ability to adapt to change, overcome obstacles, and achieve your goals. Remember, building resilience is a lifelong process; it takes time, practice, and patience to develop these skills.

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Improved Physical Health: It is well established that there is a strong link between mental and physical health. Poor mental health can lead to physical health issues such as cardiovascular disease, diabetes, and even shortened lifespan. On the other hand, good mental health can lead to improved physical health. For example, individuals with high stress and anxiety levels are more likely to experience headaches, stomach aches, and other physical symptoms. By improving mental health, individuals can reduce their risk of developing these physical health issues.

Increased Productivity: Good mental health is essential for optimal work and daily life performance. When struggling with mental health, focusing and completing tasks efficiently can be challenging. This can lead to decreased productivity and a negative impact on career advancement. On the other hand, when mental health is improved, individuals are able to focus and perform at their best, leading to increased productivity and success in their personal and professional lives.

Enhanced Relationships: Mental health transformation can also lead to improved relationships with others. When an individual struggles with mental health, maintaining and building relationships can be difficult. They may struggle with communication, empathy, and problem-solving, all of which are essential for healthy relationships. By improving mental health, individuals are better equipped to build and maintain strong relationships with others.

Increased Resilience: Mental health transformation can also lead to increased resilience, or the ability to bounce back from challenges and setbacks. When an individual is struggling with their mental health, they may feel overwhelmed and defeated by even minor challenges. By improving mental health, individuals are better able to cope with stress and adversity, leading to increased resilience and the ability to navigate difficult situations more effectively.

Improved Quality of Life: Perhaps the most significant benefit of mental health transformation is an overall improvement in quality of life. When an individual is struggling with their mental health, it can be difficult to enjoy and appreciate life’s simple pleasures. By improving mental health, individuals can experience more joy and contentment in their daily lives.

There are many ways to achieve mental health transformation, and what works for one individual may not work for another. Some common approaches include therapy, medication, self-care practices, and lifestyle changes. Therapy can be particularly helpful for individuals struggling with mental health issues as it provides a safe and supportive space to explore and work through challenges. Medication can also be an effective treatment for specific mental health conditions, such as depression and anxiety.

Self-care practices, such as exercise, meditation, and journaling, can also help improve mental health. Working with a coach helps bring a laser focus to achieving goals, problem-solving, finding solutions, and accountability. As well as making lifestyle changes, for example, getting enough sleep and maintaining a healthy diet, can also have a positive impact on mental well-being.

To sum it up, mental health transformation can lead to numerous benefits, including improved physical health, increased productivity, enhanced relationships, increased resilience, and an overall improvement in quality of life. It is essential to prioritize mental health and seek out resources and support when needed. With the right tools and support, individuals can transform their mental health and experience a more fulfilling and rewarding life.

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I have decided to write this one on fear and emotional pain that comes with change, focusing on the mixed emotions they bring and how to cope with them, as I have shared some real-life experiences in previous posts.

I spent most of my life trying to protect myself from emotional pain, hiding my fears and pretending that I could manage them with each change or life event. For someone who went through such trouble to show people how resilient I can be, I have learned nothing from my past hardships until very recently.

To keep it short, I will give a brief breakdown of fear and emotional pain from change and their effects on the lessons learned in my life. Living in a country with severe political issues already, followed by the pain of my father’s death at eight years old and living in survival mode, one would assume I would be a pro at handling change, pain, and fear. Each time there was a change, each time there was fear or discomfort, it was followed up with a survival mode ‘suck it up’ mindset implanted in my brain. The result was that my ability to properly navigate the emotions of fear and emotional pain from each transition would fail for many years to come.

“A lot of cheap seats in the arena are filled with people who never venture onto the floor. They hurl mean-spirited criticisms and put-downs from a safe distance. The problem is, when we stop caring what people think and stop feeling hurt by cruelty, we lose our ability to connect. But when we’re defined by what people think, we lose the courage to be vulnerable. Therefore, we must be selective about the feedback we let into our lives. For me, if you’re not in the arena getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.”

― Brené Brown, Rising Strong

I have struggled repeatedly every time my life was affected by the change, or pain, which invited fear into my heart. When you think about it, we don’t always recognize our thoughts about emotions that well while at the moment. Unless you are entirely mindful 24/7 and have self-reflected on the events that were past or are currently happening, dealing with your feelings while under the stress of change is difficult for any of us to manage alone. As the saying goes, “everything happens for a reason” I genuinely believe in that statement. However, it’s always easier said than done to understand and process methodically ‘at the moment!

Can you go through change without pain or fear? Can you do fear without change? Can you feel pain without change or fear? I don’t believe so. They all play a part, either all the time or at once, in our personal & professional life.

Change is inevitable, and it’s all around us. It’s moving to a new country, joining a new company, moving to a new house, children growing up and leaving their parent’s nest, a new relationship/or marriage, etc. I know that there are two sides to change, positive & negative. How you choose to cope with it affects your outcome and views on the change you are experiencing.

I must admit that currently going through a change, leaving an organization that I was familiar with its culture and people to join a new organization, has not been an easy one, or a walk in the park. It explains why people working longer than five years in a company don’t jump ship that easily. It’s not just about the pension. As most people explained, it’s about shifting from everyday comfortable shoes to a new pair that will take so much effort to break in. We are creatures of comfort, and when, after a few years working, given the option of leaving the company, you will not do so as you are already deeply ingrained with the culture and co-workers. Most employees will leave because of a bad boss, but most will stay because of social circles within the company.

Change forces you to stretch yourself. It challenges your knowledge and skills and tests your patience. Another thing change does – is it humbles you down to the core. It’s not about what you know or what you have accomplished already. It’s about how quickly you can learn with an open mindset versus a closed one. Change has one more quality in common with pain. It tests your stamina and brings a vulnerability to the surface.

Fear is another emotion we can experience during change or emotional pain. We are being hurt in a relationship, fear of losing someone, fear of failing at a new job, fear of transitioning from being out of our comfort zone, and fear that brings shame, to name a few. When you fear the pain and the change, you miss all the opportunities that present themselves to you. Fear delays you from taking risks, challenging your ability to grow. It has the opposite effect of moving forward. Fear paralyzes us. Our society taught us that fear is shameful and a sign of weakness, but we know that if channeled right, it produces perseverance and character.

“Of all the things trauma takes away from us, the worst is our willingness, or even our ability, to be vulnerable. There’s a reclaiming that has to happen.”

― Brené Brown, Rising Strong

The lesson I keep learning is that I can’t outrun fear to accomplish anything. I must face my fears head-on and hope for the best (relocation to a new country, buying a place, changing jobs, having children, having a cancer scare, losing loved ones, etc.). We are here on this earth for a purpose, and to get to our destination, we must go through all the complexity of emotions which is part of the refining process of who we are meant to be.

Pain tends to bring all sorts of emotions to the forefront, with anger being the most common. Some discomfort is good for you! I know it sounds crazy, but you can’t make it through life without pain, and to reach contentment, peace, and joy, you must go through the pain to get to the other side. Some pain brings out the worst in people, of course. But if you take a moment and look closely around you, everyone has a story involving pain, losses, regrets, failures, or addictions such as food, alcohol, drugs, or sex.

When I reviewed my list, change, fear, and pain all have shame and anger in common, which places us in a vulnerable state. In a society that does not like to talk about shame or feelings of vulnerability, we are taught to suck it up and get a thick skin. In most cases, the cycle repeats itself, leading us to teach our children the same. Don’t talk about emotions; there is no place for feelings in the real world. You need to show you are strong and hide weakness; you need to be a fighter, and you need to be resilient.

Resilient? Do I need to be resilient? Did anyone stop and ask themselves how one becomes resilient? Technically resilience is the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties and toughness. The more challenges you have, the quicker your ability to spring back. The key words here are ‘spring back.’ How does one spring about? With a stiff upper lip, you can bury the event or fear, get back on your feet, and move on. This way is much faster, as many have shown, but, in the end, it will prevent you from experiencing deeper emotional connections.

But if you go through the ‘tougher road,’ facing the pain, changes, fear, vulnerability, showing up, and being seen. The sheer act of leaning into despair and the willingness to face that uncomfortable situation head-on ultimately gives you the strength to spring back stronger and deal with the situation should it occur again.

Nobody who breathes will tell you it was easy. It will always be harder to build resilience properly. Once you have dealt with the pain, not buried it, dealt with the fear, not to be kept hidden, you will transform to become a person of incredible strength inside.

I would love to share two amazing quotes by Dr. Brene Brown. Her message and her books have helped me a lot; her research on shame, for example, has made a tremendous impact on me:

Lastly, if you can try to put into practice the Ten Guideposts for Wholehearted Living listed below: by ― Brené Brown, Rising Strong

1. Cultivating authenticity: letting go of what people think
2. Cultivating self-compassion: letting go of perfectionism
3. Cultivating a resilient spirit: letting go of numbing and powerlessness
4. Cultivating gratitude and joy: letting go of scarcity and fear of the dark
5. Cultivating intuition and trusting faith: letting go of the need for certainty
6. Cultivating creativity: letting go of comparison
7. Cultivating play and rest: letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self-worth
8. Cultivating calm and stillness: letting go of anxiety as a lifestyle
9. Cultivating meaningful work: letting go of self-doubt and “supposed to”
10. Cultivating laughter, song, and dance: letting go of being cool and “always in control.”

Hopefully, you will find it a helpful coping mechanism for whatever you are facing in the present, past, or future.

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Even when you succeed at your job, the gatekeepers won’t let you in, pay you what you’re worth, or recognize your potential. Some of your friends or family members look genuinely surprised when you meet someone amazing or get promoted.

This microaggression may be brought on by race, gender, age, socioeconomic conditions, personality differences, foolish competition, or any of the abovementioned factors. Receiving such messages is upsetting, no matter the motivation.

According to a clinical psychologist, when people underestimate us, they burden us with unfavorable presumptions that can destabilize us and cause us to doubt our skills. Being undervalued causes trauma to one’s self-identity. It feels like you’re being told or exposed to be a fraud.

Why do we undervalue or overvalue things?

We frequently overrate others’ positive characteristics and underrate their flaws. In our minds, this inconsistency is understandable.

It’s logical that if you have known someone for a time, you will find it far simpler to recall their positive traits than their negative ones.

We frequently have self-doubt as a result of what people say about us. They may be somewhat correct, but many things are invisible to someone looking in from the outside (or vice versa!).

Therefore, why do people undervalue us:

1. You haven’t done it before.
   Everybody must begin somewhere. Sure, you could make more mistakes when you’re doing something new. As a rookie, you lack awareness of prospective obstacles. On the other hand, though. You frequently have an open mind when you are learning something new. You haven’t been damaged by bad encounters in the past. But the doubters fail to recognize that attitude matters as much as experience. A lot of the heavy lifting may be done by attitude, resilience, and determination. Remember that lack of experience does not equate to incompetence when you are undervalued.

2. People are quick to pass judgment.
   Unfortunately, it occurs frequently. People immediately determine that you are incompetent or incapable of doing XYZ without getting to know you well.- You keep to yourself.-You speak too loudly.-You lack assertiveness or are excessively so-You act overly aggressive

   -You’re less lively.

   -Not much fun! A strict stance, etc.

   Sometimes, these opinions turn into outright biases based on sexual orientation, age, gender, or color.

3. They are unaware of the previous work you have completed. Your critics are unaware of their own ignorance. Their perspective is limited; therefore, your objective could appear ambitious. What if they were aware of the study, courses, and training you had completed before opening your business?Or how, before your 9 to 5 employment, you constantly worked on your project daily? Or that before starting your current profession, you have years of experience in a different sector? Their viewpoint would change as a result of that information.The final word? They are unaware of your potential.

4. They are underestimating your abilities rather than you because of their own experience. Each person carries baggage and holds biases. When people undervalue you, it’s frequently more about them than you.

Why do we think others are superior to us?

1. You suffer from impostor syndrome.
2. You’ve been socialized, whether consciously or unconsciously, to accept criticism.
3. Over time, your perception of yourself was formed based on the opinions of others.
4. You are less significant than other individuals because, as humans, we have a natural tendency to value things unique from those of others.
5. Although you have been taught to blend in and follow the crowd, these are only social constructions that aren’t always true for everyone.
6. Because you don’t want to be rejected, you are afraid to shine.
7. You don’t have faith in your abilities to succeed.
8. You’re too harsh with yourself.
9. You assess yourself against others.
10. You give failures too much attention at the expense of success.
11. You give reasons why you can’t achieve your objectives.
12. You speak in “shoulds” when expressing your emotions.
13. You dwell on issues for much too long.
14. You are reluctant to communicate your needs and wants.
15. You’ve experienced trauma in the past.
16. You make snap judgments about people depending on how they seem.
17. You seek justifications for failing.
18. You give undue attention to minor details that detract from the greater picture and keep you from taking advantage of essential possibilities. You must accept your imperfection and the messiness of human nature if you wish to alter the course of your current circumstance.

How to overlook the skeptics and continue to believe in yourself

• Remove your rose-colored glasses and begin by being brutally honest with yourself and start asking the right questions. As long as you speak to the right people, asking for input is a smart idea.
• Leverage your skills by being aware of what you excel in and how to use them most effectively to achieve your objective.
• Change your mindset and learn to value the “journey.” Although your objective and final destination are important, what you learn along the journey is more significant. Use a growth mentality, take responsibility for your mistakes, and move on. Focus on growth rather than perfection.
• Set measurable and specific goals.
• The greatest approach to establishing yourself is to show, not tell; do it for yourself (and to prove them wrong). Why argue with those who are skeptical? Focus on the following steps and trust your instincts. It’s simple to offer unwanted advice. Consistently carrying out what you must do each day is more difficult. Your aim and other people’s perspectives will change if you show up and make progress, no matter how small.
• Stop requesting permission; do you obsess too much about what people think? Is getting advice worthwhile? Absolutely. But much too frequently, people speak up of their own volition. Your response is entirely up to you. Ask yourself this question for a moment: Why do I care?
• What does it matter if someone undervalues you and turns out to be correct? Letting go of what other people think has power, but it also requires dedication to be true to who you are and what you believe (and is a lifelong struggle for many of us). However, it’s also necessary for leading a meaningful life.
• Shake off the expectations that people have of you; when you are underappreciated, it’s important to understand that the situation’s reality has nothing to do with your inner potential.
• When you’re feeling undervalued, it can help to concentrate on what you can manage because you have no influence over what other people believe or do. Recognize your positive self-perceptions because we frequently seek outside approval.
• We may recognize how we show up for that also affects what attracts us if we can begin to examine our values, look at what’s important, and how we’re showing up in our own lives.
• When you’re underappreciated in your professional life, widen your social circle. You can put yourself on a more favorable route in a distinctive (even if virtual) environment by stepping outside your professional or industry-specific social groups and connecting with others in different ways. Joining an intellectual organization unrelated to your line of work can be beneficial if you want to develop a new interpersonal style that shows you have something to contribute.
• If you are only viewing the world through the eyes of those who have already found fault with you, all that does is challenge how you see yourself.
• Rallying strategic support is important. It also helps to surround yourself with positive people working hard to achieve similar objectives. These people should be motivated, ambitious, and competitive in a way that encourages one another rather than out of insecurity.
• Play the long game and keep moving forward despite the doubters. Although maintaining a long-term perspective for your vision can sometimes be difficult, try to conceive of things in decades rather than days, weeks, or years.
• Don’t undervalue yourself; the impostor syndrome was imposed on us to deceive us.
• Be outraged; anger, redemption, and revenge are powerful motivators when you are underappreciated. They represent normal parts of our coping mechanisms. It’s quite simple to turn the tables at the time and put the underestimating offender straight into place by stating, “Huh, that’s fascinating,” once you know that someone is attempting to embarrass, gaslight, or humiliate you (by underestimating you). A simple response of ” We’ll have to agree to disagree” or something similar should work. They feel uneasy since you don’t care what they think of you.

Final thoughts

Being underappreciated might motivate you. Sometimes taking a risk is much more fulfilling than being told you can’t. Whatever your goal and regardless of the result, it’s crucial to take what you learn from the process and use it now (or in the future).

Be frank, thoughtful, and brave enough to ignore the doubters. Keep in mind that many people like watching the underdog succeed. Learn about those folks that do.

The post What to do when You’ve Been Underestimated appeared first on myEAblog.com.

Having the courage to lay it all out there, call it “a day in a life of the ordinary,” if you will. To talk about the things most people avoid going there, bringing impactful topics, and maybe some will call it deep! We all have something valuable to share or a story to tell. But society has taught us to fit in. In the way we show up, talk, write, and read about positive, value-add, cool and exciting things.

After all, who wants to bring up topics that require courage, authenticity, and vulnerability to the surface? To do that means you must expose yourself to the world to share what’s on your mind. And if and when you do, you risk facing ridicule, judgment, or rejection; none of these emotions and feelings are worth the trouble it brings to make anyone be up for the task. After all, humans are hard-wired for connection, belonging, and acceptance, so why risk it, right?

They say, “without risk, there are no rewards,” and I would add growth, improvement, or self-awareness to that statement.

What do I mean by the exhausted brain- you know when you have a week, a day, or months of exhaustion piled on from navigating daily challenges that life throws at you! Whether we admit to it or not, showing up to life is not an easy task. The exhausted brain can look or mean different things to different people. There is no one size fits all. But what I know for sure is that a common recurring theme pops up amongst the masses.

Let’s dive into those themes by category; you might notice they sound familiar, or you might be currently living through it in silence or otherwise.

1. Toxic Positivity

Sustaining a positive outlook and using positive language is excellent.

There are a few caveats, however, to keep in mind. Positivity is great, but you must remember not to cross over into toxic positivity. When you take your positive mindset to the extreme by demanding positivity in all situations and refusing to allow or experience negative emotions to surface, this is when toxic positivity occurs. The problem is that it isn’t healthy for leaders or their teams. If we look at it from a leadership point of view, toxic positivity tends to make leaders less open to concerns or feedback as they may be perceived as negative input from team members. For these employees, if toxic positivity is in the work environment, it can be tough to have your voice heard when issues need to be addressed.

There must also be a safe space for team members to share negative emotions. There is value to expressing negative emotions in the workplace. They can help businesses in a variety of ways, including:

• Identifying pain points for employees or customers.

• They were addressing issues in your company’s culture. If a specific person or group is feeling disrespected or underappreciated, they should be allowed to feel angry or frustrated. Speaking up on discrimination or harassment can be challenging and emotional. Additionally, it would be unfair to expect those who suffer to put a positive spin on their experiences and smile as if all is well.

• Working through periods of external or internal change.

Sometimes, sensitive subjects must be addressed, whether massive layoffs or significant outside issues, for example, the coronavirus pandemic. It’s okay to approach these with positivity and optimism. Still, you should also acknowledge the fear, sadness, and uncertainty that others may feel and provide them with a place to work through those emotions.

It’s worth noting here that while positive emotions are great, it has been shown that those who feel a more comprehensive range of emotions tend actually to be happier on average. Keep in mind that this doesn’t mean that leaders or employees should be radiating negativity; there’s still a way to acknowledge and address negative experiences or issues positively. It does mean, however, that you should work to avoid falling into the trap of toxic positivity.

2. Keeping The Lights On

This category says, “you work to live or live to work.”

When family obligations, bills, and food on the table fall on the shoulder of one family member or, at times, both. When the sight of retirement is nowhere near, the continued rat race is the only path in sight. When life challenges that bring on the emotional downward spirals overwhelm the upwards spirals moments. In case you are wondering about the downward spiral emotion, those are.

• Boredom, pessimism, frustration/irritation/impatience
• Overwhelm, disappointed, doubt, worried, blame
• Discouragement, anger, revenge, hatred/rage, jealousy
• Insecurity/ guilt/ unworthiness, fear/ grief/ depression, powerlessness, and victim mentality.

And the upwards spirals are the ones you want to feed in your life to keep your sanity and lights on.

• Joy/ knowledge/ empowerment/ freedom/ love/ appreciation (gratitude)
• Passion
• Enthusiasm
• Positive expectation belief
• Optimism
• Hopefulness
• Contentment

In reality, your emotions give you precise feedback on where you are in relationship to your inner being or source of love and awareness. So, check where you are on the up/down spiral scale. Which beast are you willing to feed?

3. Burn Out

Burnout can be described as mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion caused by prolonged and excessive stress. When burnout appears in the course of employment, it can make one feel emotionally drained and unable to function in work and other aspects of life. Fighting against keeping your job or prioritizing your health, mental well-being, and time with family threatens your quality of life. And the only way to reclaim your power, your time, and your health requires you to have the courage to create boundaries and have the guts to say “no” more often, choosing yourself over and over and making time for self-care in your life as your number one priority and job is last.

Do your career aspirations, your passion, and your employer allow you? Do you dare to step into being rather than the doing? Can you make room for more “no” in your life? When will enough be enough for you?

Knowing what you are giving up or sacrificing to get where you want without projecting, punishing, or retaliating.

4. Purpose

I find this a tough category to tackle because, when you know exactly what your purpose is, a shift in life takes you down a different path- one that you were not prepared for or expected would throw you in a loop. And then what?

You find yourself stuck and only going through the motions, trying to come up for air, leaving you to continue doing what you know and comfort with over and over.

The longer you stay where you are, the feelings of not knowing and not being able to step into one purpose that makes sense in your life drive you deeper into a hole of unfulfilled dreams and goals.

Deep down, you know you are struggling within because you know there is a battle inside, and it must be won to get over to the other side where all dreams and purpose are discovered, where calculating risk-taking is the only way out. You must give up one thing to pursue another. How willing are you to get to your North star?

The deep satisfaction of living well is living a life of meaning and purpose where you are living your purpose. Purpose can be a big and grandiose term, but let’s break down the formula for purpose: your skillset + what you love + what serves the world [that is the sweet spot].

In reality, what you are meant to do shouldn’t be easy. But it should be fulfilling and filled with forwarding motion.

5. Four Tasks of Mourning

As universal as grief is, it remains something that is still little understood. At some point, we will all grieve and mourn a loss in our lives. That is, unfortunately, a certainty.

But what is uncertain, though, is how we will grieve. It’s also uncertain how long we will mourn. And there is also uncertainty about how we will cope as we make the journey through grief while trying to find a path toward healing. In the real world, grief isn’t as simple as a list of steps or stages, and everyone grieves in their unique way.

A Harvard Medical School professor of psychology, J. William Worden, proposed the idea of the Four Tasks of Mourning. This was noted as an alternative to “stages of grief.” Worden’s book, Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner, explains this model in depth.

The main idea behind the Four Tasks of Mourning model is that grief is work. An article states Worden’s theory “requires commitment and active participation on the part of the person who is grieving, and…on the part of those who wish to help them.”

Professor Worden’s model is meant to be observed as flexible. In effect, each task of the mourner can be approached at any time and in no particular order. Some psychologists state mourners must complete each “task” several times throughout their life. Think of Worden’s model as a grief map or a tool for guidance to help avoid getting “stuck” in bereavement and risk developing complicated grief. The following describes each of Worden’s Tasks for Mourners.

Task 1 — To Accept the Reality of a Loss

It feels unreal when faced with a death, especially when a sudden or unexpected loss occurs. And it can hit us on many levels. For example, we might rationally accept the fact a loved one is no longer with us, but deep down, emotionally, we don’t. Acknowledging the new reality is an essential foundation for healing.

So how do mourners complete this task? Rituals often help. Acts such as viewing the body, helping plan the funeral or memorial service, or scattering a loved one’s ashes are all ways that help move us closer to acceptance.

Task 2 — Process Grief and Pain

This task states that a mourner should allow themselves to feel. When we grieve, there’s no telling what emotions we might feel. Grief exists on a large spectrum. There will be sadness, pain, fear, anger, helplessness, guilt, and other feelings.

The critical thing to remember about this task is that you can’t avoid these emotions. Some people try to put them off or avoid them. They might pick up extra hours at work, try to refrain from crying, or even pick up other unhealthy habits.

Worden’s model states we shouldn’t avoid our emotions but rather express them. By acknowledging how grief makes us feel and being open about these feelings, a mourner can better work through these complex feelings.

Task 3 — Adjust to the World Without Your Loved One

After a loss, we must adjust to our “new realities” of life without our loved ones. This task requires changing externally to the world but also internally to new emotional and spiritual needs.

The adjustments also vary depending on our relationship with our loved ones. For example, someone who has lost a spouse will have extra responsibilities as a caregiver around the house. This requires external adjustments. But a recent widow or widower will also have to adjust to living alone or doing things alone. This requires emotional adjustments.

Worden notes these adjustments are not easy and will take time. But working on this task helps us to understand our new role in the world better, as well as helps us realize the impact that the loss has created in our lives.

Task 4 — To Find a Connection with the Deceased While Embarking on a New Journey

This task means finding a way to remain emotionally connected to our loved ones. This helps reaffirm that our relationship with a loved one didn’t end at death. There are many ways to do this. It could be creating a physical memorial connection, such as a memorial photobook, memorial jewelry, or another keepsake item. Or it could also be a ritual, such as hosting an annual memorial dinner in their honor or visiting the gravesite at particular times of the year.

Creating this connection is essential because we can maintain our relationships with our loved ones even as our lives continue to change.

6. Stories

The stories we tell ourselves are endless, and most have negative impacts. Whether childhood stories we carry or news we create. Our minds are battlefields; what we feed grows within, whether it’s done intentionally or unintentionally. What is within us is within everything. When we step outside the parameters of ourselves and realize the power within us once we understand this truth.

This shift in awareness may seem small, but it has profound consequences. Cleaning your mental mess, as you can’t change your story, but you can change what it looks like inside of you and how it plays out in your future. Where your mind goes, your life follows.

An unmanaged mind may be what’s holding you back. Tune in, get curious, unravel the stories, pause, unclutter the mind, heal the self with compassionate inquiry, and recreate what serves and nourishes your mind.

Living an intentional, well life requires knowing who you are (50%). Knowing what you want (10%)? And learning how to achieve it (40%)

7. Transformation

In social media, we see others’ transformations, but we rarely hear about the process it takes to create transformational change in someone’s life. And at times, we read some magical story of how a person got from point A to B, and somehow it paints quickly and actionable steps to take or follow, with a promise of a peaceful landscape that awaits.

Hard truth: transformation is deep, dark, messy, and hard; it’s a journey without a final destination. Our most extraordinary transformation happens through our most challenging times. It’s an ongoing process that tends to appear ordinary when something special happens deep within.

To transform and elevate, you may be required to go it alone. You will have people and things removed from you so that you can search within and find your power. Trust that you’re being directed towards peace, healing, and growth during this period.

8. Conflict

Conflict is seen as the struggle resulting from incompatible or opposing needs, drives, wishes, or external or internal demands. Organizations require conflict to operate. Common conflicts include making a trade-off between two priorities, identifying a gap or a risk in a plan, and giving someone feedback that they don’t want to hear.

We tend to disklike conflict, especially in our in-groups. We are biologically wired to get along with those in our group and are raised to be polite. The culture and norms of organizations often discourage overt conflict; the result is that we usually avoid conflict or drive them underground.

Organizations require conflict, and Humans run from it. The result is conflict debt.

Conflict debt is the build-up of issues that should have been addressed but go undiscussed and unresolved. There are multiple ways to get into conflict debt:

• You can avoid the issue altogether, taking it off the agenda
• You can discuss an issue but avoid the opposition by talking only with like-minded people
• You can discuss an issue with the right people but avoid friction by keeping the discussion superficial and safe.

How many of us have been there? My guess would be many can relate. Facts don’t solve fights. It would be great if you had the emotional data and the values insight to resolve a conflict. The secret is to speak their truth before you express your own.

The other person doesn’t feel heard, seen, or understood when we don’t listen effectively. Effective listening helps you figure out what treasure their castle is protecting. Poor listening causes them to fortify the wall and fire arrows through the battlements.

Also, adding to conflict, when you invalidate someone, they experience you as an adversary, become more assertive and combative, or channel their concerns into passive-aggressive form. Validating causes them to come to the wall and engage; invalidating causes them to take up the drawbridge and prepare for battle.

When you start a conflict with statements and assertions, the other person feels less sense of agency in finding a solution, perceives your position as a target to aim at, interprets it as you not having confidence in their solutions, doesn’t have a path forward if they disagree with you.

Effective questioning helps you engage as allies; a statement can signal that you’re willing to be adversarial. Listening, validating, and questioning will neutralize an unhealthy conflict before it begins.

Final Thoughts

Finding peace is about meeting life, regardless of what arises, with a responsive and open heart. It is, in fact, the steadiness of mind and a calm understanding that allows us to be with our world as the landscape is constantly shifting and changing.

Peace does not mean indifference or apathy; instead, it is a spaciousness of mind that empowers lovingkindness, and compassion, supports us in action and reminds us that we are, in truth, not as alone as we sometimes feel.

To support and uplift, relieving the burden of overwhelm, trauma, grief, and pain through the benefits of mindfulness and compassion. This is a practice for our challenging times—one of conflict, frustration, and uncertainty.

The post The Exhausted Brain appeared first on myEAblog.com.

Selfishness is easy to have a natural tendency toward. Often, life feels like a dog-eat-dog situation, and it can seem less complicated to look out for number one: yourself. Indeed, there are times when you are encouraged to care for yourself first, above others. There exists a fine line between self-care and selfishness, though; you might know a person whose footsteps tread heavily in that region of self-absorption. They may start every conversation with “I,” always take the last cookie but never buy a  new pack, often seem to be in a drama more sensational than anyone else, and rarely ask how you are. Maybe that someone is even you.

What Does it Mean to Be Selfish?

I regularly help people through challenges and change. “The people I have worked with over time have defined “selfish” as those who repeatedly put their own needs first, to the detriment of others.” I believe, however, that the concept points more to a common human value of respect.

As a community-driven species, mutual respect tends to pay dividends for everyone, and there’s much to be gained from healthy connections. When we dish out respect, we quite rightly expect it back. Who doesn’t want to feel respected in relationships and interactions? Sometimes you need to give people the benefit of the doubt, though-did they deliberately ignore you in the street, or had they forgotten their glasses? A couple of selfish acts could well be mistakes or good old development opportunities, but a repeat offender may not know how to collaborate effectively in some relationships or, in plain speak, may act selfishly.

Effect on Relationships

Being around a selfish person can be draining, and over time it can become an unfulfilling friendship that you feel inclined to let go of. In the case of close family, it can be infuriating and frustrating. For the selfish person in question, it can be hard to understand the cause of lost relationships and why friends eventually become unavailable. If someone is being too selfish, they may wonder why either conflict or distance is impacting a relationship or, indeed, many relationships.

What Causes Selfishness?

Selfishness is motivated by many things. Sometimes a person’s life experiences and circumstances can cause them to build walls or become inward-facing. Mental illness can also be a trigger. Sometimes it’s simply personality differences-after all, everyone is wired uniquely. Scientific research has shown that the activation of the area of the brain known as the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex triggers self-control and can affect whether someone keeps selfish impulses under control. While some may lean more easily into selfishness than others, it’s not to say that it’s impossible to turn back the tide and find a new way of thinking. You can challenge your behaviors (if you want to) and make positive changes.

My past experiences (have) taught me that selfishness derives from thinking that our problems are worse than everyone else’s and no one can understand us. However, if we take the time to reflect and observe other lives around us, we quickly realize that our problems are not more significant; they are just different. There will always be someone else who experiences worse situations than you and I. While it’s important not to fall into overanalyzing yourself or self-sabotage, a little self-reflection can be helpful.

Is Selfishness Always a Bad Thing?

Recognizing the distinction between self-care and being inconsiderate of others is essential. It’s important to define the art of being selfish. From childhood to adulthood, many of us carry an important lesson that being selfish is “bad.” Being selfish means we don’t’ care about others, only ourselves- or so we are told. We have been taught not to be selfish all our lives, but being selfish doesn’t mean you have to be inconsiderate of others or hurt them in the process. Self-compassion or self-love and selfishness cannot exist without one another. They are the two faces of the very same coin. The path to self-love can only be achieved through the art and act of selfishness.

It can be a positive trait when selfishness doesn’t hurt or disrespect another person. The art of being selfish is your ability to attend to the wants and needs of your body, heart, and soul to protect your happiness. No one else can make you happy. Remember that the only person who can make you happy is you. When you focus on yourself, you are taking responsibility for your happiness. Hence, I want you to selfishly take care of your needs and meet them so that you don’t look to others to fulfill your desires. You can’t make your happiness someone else’s responsibility.

Put Yourself First

This statement is often misunderstood and follows the emotion of guilt. Looking after number one is not a bad thing when there’s giving as well as receiving. Negative selfishness is about one-sided transactions, and that’s when being selfish becomes a bad thing. Instead, think of the advice you are given on an aircraft- adjust your oxygen mask before assisting others.

Are you Being Too Selfish?

One of the first steps to spotting the signs is to become more aware. Ask yourself the following questions and answer them honestly.

1. What did you do today that could have been too self-centered?
2. Is there anything you could have done differently?
3. During a recent conversation, was it balanced, or did you speak more than the other person?
4. Why was this? Was it a one-off, or does this one-sided style of conversation happen regularly?

Ways to Get the Balance Right

The following suggestions may help you find that fine line between selfishness and self-care.

Understanding

To be blunt, not everything revolves around you. Your own priorities may not necessarily be the same as another person’s; they will have their own challenges and priorities to deal with. Take a moment out to remind yourself of this when you need something from someone else can help ease any frustrations.

Awareness

Be aware of the words you use toward others and of your surroundings. Keep the word respect in mind and pause a little more to think before you speak.

Giving

Be a giver, not just a receiver. This doesn’t need to be of material things only; it can also be time spent listening to someone. Become a good listener as well as a good talker. This will definitely help to make you a much better friend.

Empathy

Taking a moment to think first before judging or weighing in with advice involves empathy. Put yourself in another’s shoes and ask the right questions to understand your friend better or a loved one’s perspective or dilemma.

Acceptance

Don’t live your life only to seek validation from others. It can be easy to yearn for validation and acceptance, which can be a slippery slope to self-absorption. Instead, have faith in yourself and your own abilities- and give compliments to others where they are due. You’ll find they come back on their own.

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