Mind, Body and Spirit Wellness – Consider it an ‘anytime’ spring cleaning that you can do as often as you choose.

A couple of years ago, I was having difficulty on a personal level. I was at a stage where I felt burnt out and unfulfilled; my stress level and anxiety were through the roof—thinking of wellness? I don’t think so!

There was this remarkable woman, a colleague, a confidante who treated me like her own daughter and grew to become my closest and wisest friend. She cared so much about me and empathized with me through all my trials and tribulations. One day during a challenging time in my life, she asked, “Have you ever tried Yoga?” I smiled and said to her, “You know I hate exercising. It’s just not my thing, and besides, I don’t have the time to do it anyway.”

Patiently she began to educate me on Yoga and convinced me that all I need is 20 mins a day, and I could do it on the weekends if I wanted. She told me about how her husband is into meditation, and I should investigate that as well, as it’s all about living mindfully. She added that it would help bring clarity and calm in the long run if I get into it.

I must admit she tried everything in her power to help me find my inner awareness, my triggers, and how to control my anxieties and thoughts.

She was, without fail, so patient and determined that she bought me this book that I had fallen in love with almost immediately called “You Can Heal Your Life,” filled with amazing daily affirmations.  She looked up Yoga websites, YouTube videos, and printed Yoga poses to help me with the back pain I was having, no doubt from the stress.

Oh, she did not stop there either. She would send me daily text messages of encouraging quotes she searched on Pinterest for me to read each morning. She was, and is, my biggest supporter, personally and professionally, and a fantastic friend I adore and admire immensely.  Most days, I reflect on the question, “what would I have done without her?”

It was not as easy at the beginning to get close to her. She is very private and ensures her work professionalism is kept that way.  But deep down, I knew I needed to get close to her because I saw (or maybe felt) qualities in her that I admired and secretly wished I could someday be just like her.

Eventually, when we grew closer, she happily coached and taught me the ropes of being a “kick-ass” Executive Assistant. She taught me a lot. One of the many tips I learned from my office sensei’ was the “shift delete” method for peace of mind. I love how it takes away unnecessary noise on any given day; that’s about as far as I can say. It’s an inside joke that I will keep as such, sorry!

She also knows how much I give to others and never have time for myself. She suggested I go on a mini getaway to relax and escape all the family crises and noise around me. Her advice was to find time alone to be in my own company.  I needed to balance my mind, body, and spirit. She could see I was too hard on myself and unkind to myself.

She told me, “Your love bucket is empty.” You can’t think you can give or receive love when yours is empty.” Her words fell on me like a ton of bricks. “For Amal to be happy and healthy,” she started, “you must understand yourself. You must spend time with yourself and find things that will reignite that energy inside of you. What do you like to do? How do you like to spend time?”  I knew right when I found out my best friend was also my counselor, psychologist, and psychic all together as one! She was one of those rare friends who could hear your story and carry the burden of the situation with you.

I had listened and set out on a mission. I found this place called “Grail Springs Wellness Retreat.” Oh yes, this place was unique and different. A total departure from Amal-land! I had a fantastic peaceful time there. It was a 2-day detox from anyone and anything in the world around you. Best investment made in me ever! This place was about empowerment by taking charge of the one thing you have control over in life, your inner self. Your beliefs and attitudes color all that happens to you. Why not play the hand you were dealt with more awareness? It begins with a decision to get to know yourself better and to take care of yourself on all levels: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. A well-nourished self is creative, energetic, joyful, and giving; has rich, meaningful relationships and continually grows.

I am blessed to have her in my life and am a better person for it. I am convinced my journey would not have begun, and the repercussions of which would have been devastating. Faith brought her to me at the right time in my life, where I would start the journey needed to improve my life and, hopefully, those close to me. To that end, I would like to thank you, my dearest friend, from the deepest part of me.

So, now towards the end of such a long journey, with my biggest supporter cheering me on to continue the discovery and finding balance in my life, I have stumbled upon a few things that I thought might also help others. It begins with a couple of definitions of Self-Esteem that I have found during times of self-reflection.

 

“Self-Esteem, on a subtle and often unconscious level, is an emotion, how warm and loving you actually feel toward yourself, based on your individual sense of personal worth and importance. It is how you feel about yourself.”   L.S. Barksdale, Building Self-Esteem

“Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself, based upon your personal evaluation of yourself. You consciously and unconsciously send thoughts, opinions, and images of yourself to yourself. Your perceptions, beliefs, and self-concept may or may not be accurate.
Suzanne E. Harrill, Enlightening Cinderella Beyond the Prince Charming Fantasy

 

Many valuable resources helped me get out of my stuck mindset. Two of which I will be sharing below. It helps to spend time with yourself and take a closer look. Taking stock of your life, people, situations, your daily environment, and your heart’s mental and physical condition is essential to eliminating the toxins from your life. Consider it an annual spring cleaning you can do as often as you choose.

See this checklist that I use to look so often:

Signs of High Self-Esteem

• Having an internal locus of control, feeling good from within, not from others.
• Taking care of yourself – physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
• Maintaining a balance between extremes of thought, feeling, and behavior, taking action to correct when out of balance.
• Learning from mistakes and being able to say, “I made a mistake.” If it involves another person, being able to make amends or say, “I’m sorry.” Able to forgive self and others.
• Managing your life responsibly.
• Honoring individual differences among people.
• Listening to other points of view.
• Taking responsibility for your perceptions and reactions, not projecting them onto others.
• Having the ability to listen to your wise inner self (your intuition) and to act on this guidance.
• Knowing your strengths and weaknesses.
• Choosing continuous self-improvement and taking positive risks.
• Balancing between being and doing.
• Feeling warm and loving towards self.
• Giving and receiving love easily, with no strings attached.
• Demonstrating self-respect, self-confidence, and self-acceptance.

Signs of Low Self-Esteem  

• Self-blame, self-criticism, or constantly putting others down through guilt, blame, shame, or faultfinding and finding forgiveness difficult.
• Over- or under-achieving, -eating, -working, -doing, etc.
• Playing the victim, rationalizing that outside circumstances are the causes of your problems.
• Not taking responsibility for your own life, turning power over to another to make decisions for you, then feeling victimized if the results are not to your liking.
• Taking too much responsibility for the lives of others, dominating, and making decisions for them.
• Fear of change and reluctance to take risks. Or too much change, taking dangerous, unwise risks.
• Constant negativity or being too optimistic that reality is denied.
• Reacting to others with extreme emotion or no emotion.
• Boastfulness, lying, embellishing, exaggerating, and overbearing behavior around others.
• Inability to maintain integrity during interactions with others.
• Demanding to be “right,” needing to have an agreement or have your way most of the time, or constantly acquiescing to the will and opinions of others.
• Constantly comparing yourself to others, thereby feeling inferior or superior.
• Black/white, either/or thinking, e.g., believing that a person is either good or bad based on rigid standards of behavior.
• Having pervasive, deep-seated feelings of fear, terror, or panic.
• Speaking with lots of shoulds, the oughts, could haves, and yes, buts.
• Interpreting the hurtful words or actions of others as proof of your unworthiness.

Ways to Improve Your Self-Esteem

1. Change your negative self-talk – Everyone has a voice inside their mind that is continually commenting. The negative, critical, and hurtful comments need to be changed. Begin listening to what you say to yourself and then talk back to your negative self-talk with the truth. Speed up the process by saying positive statements or affirmations, such as, “I like myself and am a worthwhile person. I forgive myself for not knowing/being/doing… I deserve love, inner peace, and fulfillment.” record your voice of affirmations. So you can Listen daily.
2. Visualize what you want to create– Picture what you want, whether a new dress or feeling confident in new situations. When you combine an affirmation with deep feeling and a positive mental picture, you add power to what you want to create. Look for images in magazines that picture what you want to make and glue them into your journal.
3. Nurture yourself – Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Enjoy when others can nurture you or meet your needs; watch the tendency to set yourself up for disappointment with unreal expectations.
4. Build a support system – You deserve to have at least one person to talk to who accepts you without judging you. Consider joining a group to meet new people.
5. Take time to be alone daily – Spending quality time alone allows you to listen to your inner self. It is time to think, read, write, pray, meditate, or listen to your intuition.
6. Use your talents – Develop your interests. Take classes, and find a teacher to begin.
7. Keep a journal – Writing is an excellent way to get to know yourself, solve your problems, lower stress, and balance yourself emotionally. If you have never written before, begin writing for 20 minutes daily. Include your thoughts, feelings, and emotional reactions to people and situations that have upset or hurt you. Eventually, insights and wisdom that, under normal circumstances, are hidden from you flow onto the paper. Do not worry about spelling or grammar. Consider using different colored inks. Writing clarifies your thoughts, feelings, needs, wants, visions, values, goals, and priorities and helps you communicate better with others. The following are questions to get you started.

Adapted from Suzanne E. Harrill, M.Ed., Counselor, Teacher, Author: Innerworks

I want to leave you with my favorite part of Suzanne E. Harrills’ work. The work was an eye-opener and helped me tremendously through my journey – The Self Care Chart and Medicine Wheel.

 

Mind, Body, and Spirit Wellness 60 ways for self-care

 

Look over this list; I want you to put a checkmark beside everything you do (in the last month).

Then I want you to look at the list, look at the selves (mental, emotional, physical, spiritual) and find the category with the least amount of check marks. This is the self you should start working on first. For example, if the body had three checkmarks, and the rest had three or more, this would be the self you want to focus on first.

After you find the self with the least amount of checkmarks, I want you to circle three things in that column that you’re willing to try.

Now find the next self that has the least, and so on. When you are done, you will have rated yourself from 1 to 4, one being the most important and four being the last. You will have three things you’re willing to try for every self.

At this point, write the three things you’re willing to try for each self into the appropriate circle in the medicine wheel below.

When you are done with the medicine wheel, it will be your new goal sheet for your self-care!! You can post this someplace you will see it often, such as your fridge, for example

Search:

PHYSICAL	EMOTIONAL	MENTAL	SPIRITUAL
Take a walk	Deep breath and think,” I am calm and peaceful	Say an affirmation	Connect with Nature.
Ride a bike	Share feelings about an experience with a friend	Read a book or magazine article	Concentrate on the flame of a candle.
Soak in a hot bath with candles and music	Listen to music you like	Express your thoughts & feelings in a journal	Meditate
Exercise at the gym	Sing or makes sounds	Make a to-do list	Pray.
Stretch and move to music	Hug someone asks for a hug	Write a poem	Talk to your guardian angel.
Practice Yoga postures	Pet your dog or cat	Write a letter	Listen to a guided meditation tape.
Take a course in Tai Chi, water aerobics, or Yoga	Talk to someone by pretending they are facing you in an empty chair	Listen to tapes	Write about your spiritual purpose.
Sit in the sun for 15 minutes	Telephone a long-distance friend or relative	Email a friend	Visualize yourself in a peaceful place.
Change one thing to improve your diet	Notice what you are feeling several times a day	List things you will do to improve your life	Do something of service for another or your community.
Watch birds and animals interact in nature	Write a letter to someone who has hurt you but do not send it	Update negative beliefs that limit your life	Join a church group.
Go swimming	Feel your fear and take a positive risk for change	Journal write daily about your reactions, thoughts, and feelings for a month	Learn about a religion different from your own.
Sit in a garden or park	Smile at a stranger and send them thoughts of peace, acceptance joy	List your traits, needs, and want	Study with a spiritual teacher.
Take a nap	Affirm yourself daily	Make a list of short-term and long-term goals	Study ancient esoteric wisdom teachings.
Get a massage	Watch children play and talk to your inner child in a loving, joyful way	Preview your day upon awakening Review upon retiring	Practice unconditional love and forgiveness with self and others.
Eat healthy for one day	Acknowledge yourself for accomplishments you are proud of	Work on your family tree	Practice a daily quiet time routine to connect spiritually.

 

 

 

Suzanne E. Harrill, LPC, LMFT, Author, Counselor, Teacher