Set boundaries: One way to protect yourself from toxic workplace culture is to set clear boundaries around what you will and will not tolerate. This may involve limiting the amount of work you are willing to take on, setting boundaries around your time outside of work, or communicating clearly with colleagues about acceptable behaviors.

Seek support: It can be helpful to have a supportive network outside of work, whether friends, family, a coach, or a professional therapist. This can provide a safe space to vent about your experiences and help you cope with toxic workplace stress.

Find allies: If you are experiencing a toxic workplace culture, you may not be the only one. Look for others in your organization who may also be feeling the effects of the toxic culture, and consider building a support network with them. This can provide a sense of community and help you feel less isolated.

Document everything: If you feel you are being mistreated or subjected to toxic behavior, it can be helpful to document what is happening. Record incidents, including the date, time, and details of what occurred. This can be valuable evidence to escalate the situation or seek outside help.

Know your rights: It’s essential to understand your rights as an employee, including any protections you may have against harassment or discrimination. Familiarize yourself with your company’s policies and procedures and any relevant laws or regulations that may apply to your situation.

Consider seeking help from HR: If you feel the toxic culture is affecting your well-being or job performance, consider contacting your company’s HR department. HR can be a valuable resource for addressing workplace issues and providing guidance or assistance in navigating the situation.

Take care of yourself: Working in a toxic environment can be draining, so it’s essential to prioritize your well-being. This may involve finding ways to relax and de-stress outside of work, taking breaks when needed, and seeking support when needed.

Explore your options: If the toxic culture is severe and is causing significant harm to your well-being, it may be necessary to consider leaving the organization. While this can be a difficult decision, sometimes it is the best option for your long-term well-being. Before deciding, consider speaking with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist to get a fresh perspective.

Final Thoughts

Navigating a toxic workplace culture can be challenging. Still, by setting boundaries, seeking support, finding allies, documenting incidents, knowing your rights, and caring for yourself, you can protect your well-being and improve the situation. If necessary, consider seeking help from HR or exploring your options for leaving the organization. Remember that you deserve to work in a healthy, positive environment, and it’s essential to prioritize your well-being.

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Top Traits of Highly Resilient People and Tips on Developing Those Traits:

Positive attitude: Highly resilient people have a positive attitude, even in the face of adversity. They believe that they can overcome challenges and that things will get better. To develop a positive attitude, try to focus on the good things in your life and the things you can control. Practice gratitude and look for the silver lining in difficult situations.

Flexibility: Highly resilient people are flexible and adaptable. They are able to adjust to change and adapt to new situations. To develop flexibility, try to be open to new experiences and be willing to try new things. Practice being open-minded and be willing to change your plans if necessary.

Problem-solving skills: Highly resilient people are skilled at finding solutions to problems. They are able to think critically and creatively to come up with effective solutions. To develop problem-solving skills, try to approach problems with a clear mind and an open attitude. Look for multiple solutions and be willing to try different approaches until you find one that works.

Emotional intelligence: Highly resilient people have high emotional intelligence, meaning they are able to understand and manage their own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. To develop emotional intelligence, try becoming more aware of your emotions and how they affect your behavior. Practice mindfulness and try to regulate your emotions in difficult situations.

Emotion Regulation: Resilient people have the ability to regulate their emotions effectively. They can recognize and manage negative emotions, such as fear, anxiety, and stress, and channel them into positive action. To develop emotion regulation, practice mindfulness, deep breathing, and cognitive-behavioral therapy.

Self-awareness: Highly resilient people are self-aware and able to recognize their own strengths and limitations. They are able to understand their own emotions and thoughts, and they are able to manage their reactions to difficult situations. To develop self-awareness, try to be mindful of your own thoughts and emotions and practice self-reflection to better understand your motivations and behavior.

Strong social support: Highly resilient people have strong social support networks and are able to rely on others for help and support when needed. To develop strong social support, try cultivating close relationships with friends and family and be willing to ask for help when needed.

Self-care: Highly resilient people prioritize self-care and make time for activities that nourish their physical, emotional, and mental well-being. To develop self-care habits, try to make time for activities that you enjoy and that help you feel refreshed and rejuvenated. This could include exercise, hobbies, or relaxation techniques.

Coping skills: Highly resilient people have effective coping skills that they can use to manage stress and difficult emotions. To develop coping skills, try to identify your own personal stressors and find strategies that work for you to manage them. This could include techniques such as deep breathing, mindfulness, or seeking support from others.

Persistence: Highly resilient people are persistent and able to keep going even when faced with challenges and setbacks. To develop persistence, try to set goals for yourself and work towards them consistently, even if you encounter setbacks along the way. Practice persistence by trying new things and pursuing your passions, even when faced with challenges.

Optimism: Highly resilient people tend to be optimistic and have a hopeful outlook on life. They believe that things will work out in the end and are able to find the silver lining in difficult situations. To develop optimism, try focusing on your life’s positive aspects and practice gratitude.

Adaptability: Highly resilient people are able to adapt to changing circumstances and find ways to overcome challenges. They are flexible and open to new ideas and are able to adjust their approach as needed. They are also able to see the bigger picture and understand that change is a natural part of life. To develop adaptability, try to embrace change and look for opportunities to learn and grow in the face of it.

Resourcefulness: Highly resilient people are resourceful and are able to find creative solutions to challenges. They are able to think on their feet and come up with innovative ideas and strategies. To develop resourcefulness, try approaching challenges with a problem-solving mindset and looking for creative solutions.

Gratitude: Highly resilient people practice gratitude and are able to find joy and appreciation in the present moment. They are able to recognize the positive aspects of their lives and express gratitude for them. To cultivate gratitude, try to focus on the things you are grateful for and express gratitude regularly.

Resilient Thinking: Resilient people have a resilient mindset. They view challenges and setbacks as temporary and solvable. To develop resilient thinking, practice positive self-talk, cultivate a growth mindset, and reframe negative thoughts into positive ones.

Supportive Relationships: Resilient people have a strong support system. They have close relationships with family, friends, and colleagues who provide emotional support and practical help when needed. To develop supportive relationships, prioritize building and maintaining connections with people who share your values and support your goals.

Perseverance: Resilient people have a strong work ethic and are willing to persevere through difficult times. They do not give up easily and are committed to achieving their goals. To develop perseverance, set achievable goals, break them down into smaller tasks, and celebrate your successes along the way.

Summing up, resilience is a crucial trait that can help individuals overcome challenges and thrive in the face of adversity. By developing the ten traits of highly resilient people, you can increase your own resilience and improve your ability to adapt to change, overcome obstacles, and achieve your goals. Remember, building resilience is a lifelong process; it takes time, practice, and patience to develop these skills.

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Improved Physical Health: It is well established that there is a strong link between mental and physical health. Poor mental health can lead to physical health issues such as cardiovascular disease, diabetes, and even shortened lifespan. On the other hand, good mental health can lead to improved physical health. For example, individuals with high stress and anxiety levels are more likely to experience headaches, stomach aches, and other physical symptoms. By improving mental health, individuals can reduce their risk of developing these physical health issues.

Increased Productivity: Good mental health is essential for optimal work and daily life performance. When struggling with mental health, focusing and completing tasks efficiently can be challenging. This can lead to decreased productivity and a negative impact on career advancement. On the other hand, when mental health is improved, individuals are able to focus and perform at their best, leading to increased productivity and success in their personal and professional lives.

Enhanced Relationships: Mental health transformation can also lead to improved relationships with others. When an individual struggles with mental health, maintaining and building relationships can be difficult. They may struggle with communication, empathy, and problem-solving, all of which are essential for healthy relationships. By improving mental health, individuals are better equipped to build and maintain strong relationships with others.

Increased Resilience: Mental health transformation can also lead to increased resilience, or the ability to bounce back from challenges and setbacks. When an individual is struggling with their mental health, they may feel overwhelmed and defeated by even minor challenges. By improving mental health, individuals are better able to cope with stress and adversity, leading to increased resilience and the ability to navigate difficult situations more effectively.

Improved Quality of Life: Perhaps the most significant benefit of mental health transformation is an overall improvement in quality of life. When an individual is struggling with their mental health, it can be difficult to enjoy and appreciate life’s simple pleasures. By improving mental health, individuals can experience more joy and contentment in their daily lives.

There are many ways to achieve mental health transformation, and what works for one individual may not work for another. Some common approaches include therapy, medication, self-care practices, and lifestyle changes. Therapy can be particularly helpful for individuals struggling with mental health issues as it provides a safe and supportive space to explore and work through challenges. Medication can also be an effective treatment for specific mental health conditions, such as depression and anxiety.

Self-care practices, such as exercise, meditation, and journaling, can also help improve mental health. Working with a coach helps bring a laser focus to achieving goals, problem-solving, finding solutions, and accountability. As well as making lifestyle changes, for example, getting enough sleep and maintaining a healthy diet, can also have a positive impact on mental well-being.

To sum it up, mental health transformation can lead to numerous benefits, including improved physical health, increased productivity, enhanced relationships, increased resilience, and an overall improvement in quality of life. It is essential to prioritize mental health and seek out resources and support when needed. With the right tools and support, individuals can transform their mental health and experience a more fulfilling and rewarding life.

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I have decided to write this one on fear and emotional pain that comes with change, focusing on the mixed emotions they bring and how to cope with them, as I have shared some real-life experiences in previous posts.

I spent most of my life trying to protect myself from emotional pain, hiding my fears and pretending that I could manage them with each change or life event. For someone who went through such trouble to show people how resilient I can be, I have learned nothing from my past hardships until very recently.

To keep it short, I will give a brief breakdown of fear and emotional pain from change and their effects on the lessons learned in my life. Living in a country with severe political issues already, followed by the pain of my father’s death at eight years old and living in survival mode, one would assume I would be a pro at handling change, pain, and fear. Each time there was a change, each time there was fear or discomfort, it was followed up with a survival mode ‘suck it up’ mindset implanted in my brain. The result was that my ability to properly navigate the emotions of fear and emotional pain from each transition would fail for many years to come.

“A lot of cheap seats in the arena are filled with people who never venture onto the floor. They hurl mean-spirited criticisms and put-downs from a safe distance. The problem is, when we stop caring what people think and stop feeling hurt by cruelty, we lose our ability to connect. But when we’re defined by what people think, we lose the courage to be vulnerable. Therefore, we must be selective about the feedback we let into our lives. For me, if you’re not in the arena getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.”

― Brené Brown, Rising Strong

I have struggled repeatedly every time my life was affected by the change, or pain, which invited fear into my heart. When you think about it, we don’t always recognize our thoughts about emotions that well while at the moment. Unless you are entirely mindful 24/7 and have self-reflected on the events that were past or are currently happening, dealing with your feelings while under the stress of change is difficult for any of us to manage alone. As the saying goes, “everything happens for a reason” I genuinely believe in that statement. However, it’s always easier said than done to understand and process methodically ‘at the moment!

Can you go through change without pain or fear? Can you do fear without change? Can you feel pain without change or fear? I don’t believe so. They all play a part, either all the time or at once, in our personal & professional life.

Change is inevitable, and it’s all around us. It’s moving to a new country, joining a new company, moving to a new house, children growing up and leaving their parent’s nest, a new relationship/or marriage, etc. I know that there are two sides to change, positive & negative. How you choose to cope with it affects your outcome and views on the change you are experiencing.

I must admit that currently going through a change, leaving an organization that I was familiar with its culture and people to join a new organization, has not been an easy one, or a walk in the park. It explains why people working longer than five years in a company don’t jump ship that easily. It’s not just about the pension. As most people explained, it’s about shifting from everyday comfortable shoes to a new pair that will take so much effort to break in. We are creatures of comfort, and when, after a few years working, given the option of leaving the company, you will not do so as you are already deeply ingrained with the culture and co-workers. Most employees will leave because of a bad boss, but most will stay because of social circles within the company.

Change forces you to stretch yourself. It challenges your knowledge and skills and tests your patience. Another thing change does – is it humbles you down to the core. It’s not about what you know or what you have accomplished already. It’s about how quickly you can learn with an open mindset versus a closed one. Change has one more quality in common with pain. It tests your stamina and brings a vulnerability to the surface.

Fear is another emotion we can experience during change or emotional pain. We are being hurt in a relationship, fear of losing someone, fear of failing at a new job, fear of transitioning from being out of our comfort zone, and fear that brings shame, to name a few. When you fear the pain and the change, you miss all the opportunities that present themselves to you. Fear delays you from taking risks, challenging your ability to grow. It has the opposite effect of moving forward. Fear paralyzes us. Our society taught us that fear is shameful and a sign of weakness, but we know that if channeled right, it produces perseverance and character.

“Of all the things trauma takes away from us, the worst is our willingness, or even our ability, to be vulnerable. There’s a reclaiming that has to happen.”

― Brené Brown, Rising Strong

The lesson I keep learning is that I can’t outrun fear to accomplish anything. I must face my fears head-on and hope for the best (relocation to a new country, buying a place, changing jobs, having children, having a cancer scare, losing loved ones, etc.). We are here on this earth for a purpose, and to get to our destination, we must go through all the complexity of emotions which is part of the refining process of who we are meant to be.

Pain tends to bring all sorts of emotions to the forefront, with anger being the most common. Some discomfort is good for you! I know it sounds crazy, but you can’t make it through life without pain, and to reach contentment, peace, and joy, you must go through the pain to get to the other side. Some pain brings out the worst in people, of course. But if you take a moment and look closely around you, everyone has a story involving pain, losses, regrets, failures, or addictions such as food, alcohol, drugs, or sex.

When I reviewed my list, change, fear, and pain all have shame and anger in common, which places us in a vulnerable state. In a society that does not like to talk about shame or feelings of vulnerability, we are taught to suck it up and get a thick skin. In most cases, the cycle repeats itself, leading us to teach our children the same. Don’t talk about emotions; there is no place for feelings in the real world. You need to show you are strong and hide weakness; you need to be a fighter, and you need to be resilient.

Resilient? Do I need to be resilient? Did anyone stop and ask themselves how one becomes resilient? Technically resilience is the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties and toughness. The more challenges you have, the quicker your ability to spring back. The key words here are ‘spring back.’ How does one spring about? With a stiff upper lip, you can bury the event or fear, get back on your feet, and move on. This way is much faster, as many have shown, but, in the end, it will prevent you from experiencing deeper emotional connections.

But if you go through the ‘tougher road,’ facing the pain, changes, fear, vulnerability, showing up, and being seen. The sheer act of leaning into despair and the willingness to face that uncomfortable situation head-on ultimately gives you the strength to spring back stronger and deal with the situation should it occur again.

Nobody who breathes will tell you it was easy. It will always be harder to build resilience properly. Once you have dealt with the pain, not buried it, dealt with the fear, not to be kept hidden, you will transform to become a person of incredible strength inside.

I would love to share two amazing quotes by Dr. Brene Brown. Her message and her books have helped me a lot; her research on shame, for example, has made a tremendous impact on me:

Lastly, if you can try to put into practice the Ten Guideposts for Wholehearted Living listed below: by ― Brené Brown, Rising Strong

1. Cultivating authenticity: letting go of what people think
2. Cultivating self-compassion: letting go of perfectionism
3. Cultivating a resilient spirit: letting go of numbing and powerlessness
4. Cultivating gratitude and joy: letting go of scarcity and fear of the dark
5. Cultivating intuition and trusting faith: letting go of the need for certainty
6. Cultivating creativity: letting go of comparison
7. Cultivating play and rest: letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self-worth
8. Cultivating calm and stillness: letting go of anxiety as a lifestyle
9. Cultivating meaningful work: letting go of self-doubt and “supposed to”
10. Cultivating laughter, song, and dance: letting go of being cool and “always in control.”

Hopefully, you will find it a helpful coping mechanism for whatever you are facing in the present, past, or future.

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Ask around about what stresses people, and they’re most likely to talk about deadlines, or that work is too much, or that the family schedule is overpacked and out of control. Yet while this definitely can add to the pressure cooker of life, they actually aren’t the most significant cause.

Most at fault are the tremendous pressures we put on ourselves internally, including the amount of anxiety created internally through any of the below:

1. Self-criticism. Tame your inner critic, focus on your strengths, and forgive yourself.
2. Do your best but let the elusive “perfect” go.
3. Faith and action are the best antidotes to worry, especially about situations we cannot control.
4. Commonly included are fear of failure, fear of public speaking, all sorts of internal fears that we carry inside.
5. Our Beliefs. These might be expectations, opinions, or attitudes. Without realizing it, you may not even think about how your own beliefs shape your experience, but these thoughts, often pre-set, are the perfect setup for stress. Think about all the expectations you put on yourself, especially, for example, creating an ideal holiday extravaganza or on your career advancement plan.
6. Lack of control and uncertainty. Only a few people really enjoy not knowing the next phase in life or not being in control of anything.
7. Financial Stress. A condition that results from financial or economic events that create anxiety, worry, or a sense of scarcity is accompanied by a physiological stress response. Chronic Financial Stress is the most typical intersection where financial and physical health mutually impact.
8. Heath issues. In the presence of illness, think about how you might react when waiting for the results of a medical test.
9. Balancing career and family. Most of us, I imagine, want the best of both worlds; a successful, thriving career and a happy, connected family. The notion of “we can have it all” tends to put a lot of pressure as we strive to create the perfect balance, pushing us to our limits and putting all our efforts in pleasing and appeasing, leaving you mentally and emotionally drained.
10. Family dynamics. Family conflicts can cause increased stress. Increasingly, research demonstrates that negative family relationships can lead to significant stress, impact mental health, and, given enough time, cause physical symptoms to manifest. Other research has shown that family members who are non-supportive often lead another family member with mental health illness to suffer worsening than usual effects.
11. Workplace conflicts. Work-related stress is a growing problem worldwide that affects the health and well-being of employees and the productivity of organizations. Work-related stress surfaces where work demands of various types and combinations exceed the person’s capacity and capability to cope.

Dealing with our Internal Stress

It is best to focus on what we can control when it comes to coping with stress. That means targeting our internal stressors to lower their impact on any external stressors happening in our lives.

When we reduce the way by managing internal stressors, we have to realize this is not an easy process, but here are some stress-relieving strategies that can help:

• Focus on the solution rather than the problem at hand: Focusing on how impossible a problem is at the time will make you feel worse almost every single time. Rather, try to concentrate on solutions to the problem instead of the challenges themselves.
• Stay in a positive state of mind: The more negative thinking you do inside your head, the more negative everything suddenly appears to be. It is essential to understand how we perceive the world around us that dictates how we feel. Studies have demonstrated that the power of positive thinking in stressful situations is incredibly beneficial.
• Look into stress relief: Several stress-relieving activities will help reduce the intensity of stress. Try to get creative with writing it out, painting, listening to music, cooking, baking, DIY project, and self-improvement Apps such as MoodSpace, pocket yoga, Calm, and Headspace, to name a few.
• Consider tai chi, meditation, or yoga: Many different approaches can teach you relaxation techniques and skills related to body awareness. These disciplines can help you get your stress levels under control given enough practice.

Final Thoughts

No matter the cause of your stress, deciding to act is the first step on your way to living a happier, healthier, and better life. If you do anything at this moment, do not just sit there and suffer in silence.

Some information adapted from Mayo Clinic.

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If you answered false more often than true, you may want to look at the questions to which you answered false and see if you can incorporate something of its message into your life. Please don’t hesitate to contact me if you’d like to explore this issue further.

Author’s content used with permission, ©Claire Communications

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How your body adjusts to new situations is dependant on how you respond to stress. Stress can be a positive force; it keeps us alert, even motivated, and ready to identify and avoid danger. Let’s say, for example; you have a presentation due very soon. A stress response in this situation may heighten your senses to stay focused or help you physically to work a little bit harder and keep awake just a little bit longer.

So now we know that stress in the right situation can benefit a person from a small amount to making the difference between failing and achieving the goal originally sought out. But when stressors (those things causing the stress reaction) continue with little to no periods of relaxation over time, it can create a significant problem if not dealt with quickly enough. This is definitely where stress management training can provide healthier options to deal with the changes that are occurring.

How do you know when you are under stress?

When you experience the stressors (those changes or challenges in life you go through), your body will automatically produce both mental and physical responses. That is stress, plain and simple. Your body has an autonomic nervous system that runs automatically without the need for 24/7 direct control. Examples of this system are your heart rate, breathing, vision changes (think focusing or blinking as one of them), and more. Your autonomic system also has a built-in “fight-or-flight” response to stress that is designed to help you in situations that requires immediate action to be taken.

When a person experiences stress over a long period of time, this is known as chronic stress. It is a continued activation of the original stress response but, over time, will cause wear and tear over the body. Many emotional, physical, or behavioral symptoms will often develop as a result.

You might feel

• irritable, aggressive, impatient, or wound up
• over-burdened
• anxious, nervous, or afraid
• like your thoughts are racing, and you can’t switch off
• unable to enjoy yourself
• depressed
• uninterested in life
• like you’ve lost your sense of humor
• a sense of dread
• worried about your health
• neglected or lonely.

You might behave

• finding it hard to make decisions
• constantly worrying
• avoiding situations that are troubling you
• snapping at people
• biting your nails
• unable to concentrate
• restless, like you can’t sit still
• being tearful or crying.

What are the emotional and physiological signs of stress?

Physical symptoms of stress include:

• Aches and pains.
• Chest pain or a feeling like your heart is racing.
• Exhaustion or trouble sleeping.
• Headaches, dizziness, or shaking.
• High blood pressure.
• Muscle tension or jaw clenching.
• Stomach or digestive problems.
• Trouble having sex.
• Weak immune system.

Emotional and mental symptoms like:

• Anxiety or irritability.
• Depression
• Panic attacks.
• Sadness

Often, people with chronic stress try to manage it with unhealthy behaviors, including:

• Drinking alcohol too much or too often.
• Gambling
• Overeating or developing an eating disorder.
• Participating compulsively in sex, shopping, or internet browsing.
• Smoking, using drugs.

What are the ways of managing or reducing stress?

Stress is unavoidable in life; you cannot escape good or bad stressors. Knowing this will happen means that you can practice strategies

To either prevent or deal with that overwhelming feeling of stress:

• Turn to exercise (even a short walk will help) to boost your mood when you feel stress coming on.
• Stop focusing on what you haven’t accomplished yet. Take a moment out to look at what you have accomplished so far.
• Make daily, weekly, or monthly goals. By narrowing your focus, you can help feel more in control of the situation by its individual moments and its long-term tasks.
• Consider talking to a mindfulness coach or a credible therapist (or other medical professionals who deal with stress if needed) about your concerns.

Ways to prevent stress

These are only a few many daily strategies used to keep stress at arm’s length:

• Meditation, yoga, tai chi, breathing exercises, and muscle relaxation are good starts. There are many programs available online, on mobile, or found at your local gym or community center.
• Caring for your body every day is very important. Exercising, healthy eating, and getting enough sleep at night are vital in dealing with stress.
• Approach your day in a mindful way by staying positive and practicing gratitude. Take the time to acknowledge the good parts of your day and your life.
• Face the facts and accept that you cannot control everything in your life. Look for ways to help you to let go of those situations that you cannot change.
• Learn when to say “no.” This is incredibly important, especially when you are already under stress or when you are too busy. Unnecessary additional responsibilities at this time escalate existing stressors.
• Embrace your calm circle of friends. Stay connected with those around you who keep you grounded, make you happy, and provide the emotional support you need. They help with practical things, listening, and sharing responsibilities to avoid overwhelming stress.

Final Thoughts

Being stressed is natural and normal and will happen on occasion. It’s the long-term stress where symptoms can surface causing physical, and emotional problems as well as unhealthy behaviors. Try using the simple strategies and suggestions above to help relieve or manage your stress. But remember, if you continue to feel overwhelmed, talk to your doctor or any other credible professional who can assist with stressors in life.

Lists and strategies adapted from the Cleveland Clinic and other sources.

The post How Stress Affects Your Life and What You Can do About It appeared first on myEAblog.com.

Personally, life has a funny way of throwing challenges at me; admittedly, the only way I keep grounded with a daily practice of gratitude, meditation, and self-reflection. Making time to discern what’s true and validate in my life is something I learned by shutting the inner critics, untwisting my thinking, and learning to speak kindly to myself like I do with a friend or family member.

We must understand our trouble spots to create strategies to help us cope and manage the neglected spots to create positive change in our lives. As you take time to examine your challenges, be honest but non-judgmental. Know that you are not alone, regardless of any shortcomings you think you have; you are in good company! Nothing is perfect; it’s progress, not perfection, that matters.

As you review the list of barriers below, consider which of them trip you the most:

1. Expectations

We all have these expectations of what is supposed to be or how it should have unfolded. Is there any way you can challenge your expectation? Could this help you find contentment in your life irrespective of what you thought?

2. Comparison and Envy

Do you fall into this trap? Does social media fuel these emotional patterns? Are there individuals in your life that trigger this pattern for you? Or does this trigger a tendency to stimulate dissatisfaction in a particular area in your life?

3. Negativity Biases

Do you feel that it’s hard to tap into gratitude because of negative thoughts and emotions? Do you notice that a negativity habit stems from frequent complaining or reliving the same regret over and over? Do you feel that those in your circle also seem to have a negative outlook on life?

4. Wanting to fill a void

We all have desires and dreams in life, but what about aspirations and ambitions that are unhealthy or ineffective? Does that desire cause unhappiness within your life as it is today? Do you believe that a list of accomplishments and goals will help you fill the gap you see in your life?

5. Autopilot

Are you always busy rushing, trying to get things done, not enough hours in the day? The busyness in your day or weeks that you aren’t mindful of the everyday blessing in your life? Are there times or routines that you slip into this pattern?

6. Cultural influences

We are constantly surrounded with messages and images that condition us to dissatisfaction with our lives and compare how time has gone without any accomplishment to show for? We have grown accustomed to external forces such as social media, advertising, and entertainment that are out of our control, looking in and wondering why we haven’t gotten to success. What effect does that have on you? Do you have a fixation on something that you think one day it will “fix” your life or any judgment about what’s wrong with your life today?

Whatever insights you gain from this list, I encourage you to be kind to yourself. Seeking awareness of these obstacles so you can effectively work on them is key to cultivating gratitude practice. Hold on to this awareness gently, and whenever you find yourself slipping into one of these ineffective behaviors, challenge yourself.

Overcoming Gratitude Barriers with

• Gratefulness towards the benefits of gratitude on managing stress and building coping skills.
• Uncover hidden blessings by exploring ways to wake up to gratitude amidst failure and adversity
• Learning what is and is not working by rewiring your thoughts away from negative emotions and negative thinking.
• Understand and overcome negative habits that do not serve you well in your life, uncovering the barriers to gratitude like craving, expectations, envy, and more from the list above.
• Building a gratitude roadmap by allowing a heartfelt conclusion to awaken a new gratitude practice into motion

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 Negative Emotions

Emotional intelligence relies on our ability to identify and manage our emotions. How well we can work on our feelings and self-regulate our negative emotions will help build our resiliency and equip us to handle stress better. Identifying the feelings that bring us down and understanding how we are feeling in a specific moment or situation are less likely to make us feel overwhelmed by external factors that may drain our mental energy.

So, where do we start? I’ve listed some of the things that were shared with me over time by others or my work in that area to develop within myself:

• When someone says or does something that causes you to be upset, whether using harsh words or offensive jokes, what most people advise in this situation is not react immediately.

Take a moment, a pause, remove yourself from the heat of that moment and take the time to collect your thoughts and choose your responses wisely.

• Don’t jump to conclusions. Keep your thoughts and feelings in check, so it does not end up clouding your reactions or judgment in the situation.
• When interpersonal conflict or distress at play, make time to investigate the situation at hand from the other person’s perspective. What are the cause and effects?  Try to place yourself in their shoes, understanding what made the other person behave in that way.  You will notice how your attitude changes the moment you start empathizing rationally with their situation.
  Empathizing does not have to mean a win-lose position. Empathy does not mean weakness or agreement; it means arriving at conclusions and allowing diverse views respectfully.

Self-Evaluation

While it is a skill to be able to observe and understand others, it is equally essential at first to watch ourselves.  To increase our awareness and to develop emotional intelligence, we need to objectively assess ourselves and peer inside into our own actions as if we are a fly on the wall. To challenge our thoughts by frequently asking questions such as;

• Is this the right way of thinking?
• What about the words I have used to express myself? How these words came across to the other person?
• What would have been my reaction if I was the one to be at the receiving end to it?
• Is there another way, prospective, or angle that was missed or helped support looking into the situation differently?
• Am I on the right track?
• Is my family, colleague, friend, etc., happy with me?

Frequent encounters with the self-enhance perception create humility and keep you grounded together, as a result, will contribute to building emotional intelligence.

Self-Expression

Self-expression is the expression of one’s feelings, ideas, or thoughts, whether in art, life, personally, or professionally; it goes hand in hand with emotional intelligence. One cannot do without the other.

Individuals who can identify and express their thoughts in an adequate way and socially acceptable manner are considered to be highly emotional intelligence and self-efficacy individuals.

Honing self-expression is how we bring our focus to healthy communication with others, the ability to convey our thoughts naturally in an understandable way, and creating solutions with good intentions.  Being able to express ourselves to communicate with others appropriately about how we feel, this step alone is considered a positive one towards a more solution-focused base and self-regulated individual.

Stress Management

Past studies have shown that people with emotional clarity and awareness are far better at handling stress than others. Whether in the workplace or a highly stressful situation, be it a family or health crisis, stress and burnout cause us overall to respond poorly and impact our emotional capabilities, which as a result, influence how we react.

It is vital to understand that to achieve tremendous success professionally, this doesn’t only happen because we are great at our jobs. Success is a byproduct of how we view the world around us, how we handle our emotions, and how self-aware we are with ourselves and our surroundings.

More exposure to stress without having sufficient coping mechanisms and strategies to help us, we open ourselves to a mixed bag of mental health problems.

We should consciously work on simple stress reduction methods using our senses and staying close to nature. I find staying close to nature helps me a lot in calming down and breathing in the fresh air.

Simple stress management techniques can also make a significant difference in dealing with hardships without getting drained, such as:

• Splash of cold water on your face after a stressful encounter. The cooling sensation tends to help reduce anxiety and provides a feeling of freshness. Similarly, when you think of a picture that is frozen in time, your mind will capture a pause to take place, then restarts new again.
• Avoid caffeine, alcohol, and smoke during hard times. People resort to these substances more during stressful situations; it is best to avoid such stimulants when you feel anxious.
• Take time off work, schedule vacation when stress takes a toll on your body and mind. Go away, recharge, energize, spend some quality time with family or catch up with some friends. Time spent well rested will help you regain insights and build your ability to combat stress more effectively.

Making Empathy A Daily Habit

Being able to understand that empathy is the capacity to see anything through someone other than yourself will come with practice as you make room for it to become a daily habit. Learning what causes others to act in this fashion or that requires significant progress to be made in the development of your emotional intelligence.

Lastly, empathy begins within yourself. Random acts of kindness, such as a “thank-you note,” an offer to help aging parents, friends or relatives, whatever they might need; perhaps heart-to-heart conversations are all that it takes to practice leading an empathetic life.

The key is to be willing to let your vulnerability to be seen. Opening ourselves, whether listening to a colleague without judging them or accepting harsh words from one who may be under stress, can greatly build our social and emotional intelligence connection, thereby strengthening interpersonal bonds.

What are some of the techniques that help you develop your emotional intelligence? I would love to hear some comments or insights on the topic….

The post Learning & Developing Emotional Intelligence – Part 2 appeared first on myEAblog.com.

Let’s dive at a high level onto each stage to see how it all comes together. 

 Insight

Having insights that something in us needs either changing or improving is the first important step. Recognizing a need in us in order to reach our full potential. Any learning starts when there is awareness; once it identifies the next step would be to ask ourselves, are we ready to make those changes.

With emotional intelligence, there are crucial components that are worth discovering such as;

Self-awareness – understanding of how we are feeling? And why do we feel this way or another? 

Self-regulation – our ability to express our feelings in a way that doesn’t make us look like fools “overly emotional, outburst, anger, lashing out, etc.” 

Motivation – what moves us internally? Our drives and passion impact how we want to change and how we express ourselves and how we want to live life. 

Empathy – to have the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. To be able to see the world from their perspective. It’s not about solving someone’s problem as much as truly being there, supporting, and offering encouraging words, and when possible if we are in a position to help even better. 

Social skills – the ability to communicate effectively, build strong relationships, and connecting, whether personally or professionally, which are equally important. Gaining insights into which aspects we need to work on is key. Some of us might be excellent communicators with strong social skills but lack in self-regulation.

This is a skill that I am all too familiar with, as I work with my son to help him express his disappointments, hurts and loss while balancing what he gains as us adults like to call it “life experience” with a hopeful outlook no matter what the situation looks from the inside.

The learning process starts in knowing which aspect of emotional intelligence needs to be developed and focus on so you are off to a good start. 

Assessment

Looking at measuring where we stand on each E.I. aspect, there are many tests widely available online listing few links for you to get started that you can try to use some are free, but if you need a full report then you will get charged for it:

MindTools – https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/ei-quiz.htm

Emotional Intelligence – https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/tests/personality/emotional-intelligence-test

Greater Good – https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/quizzes/ei_quiz

HBR – https://hbr.org/2015/06/quiz-yourself-do-you-lead-with-emotional-intelligence

 Also, you could seek professional training, where you will have support materials provided to you to assess your emotional intelligence and guidance on getting started and staying on track. 

Training

With assessment, it opens the flood gates if you will, which will provide us with a wide range of options to choose from. You can’t tackle all of them at once, but it depends on what part of emotional intelligence that has a greater need to achieve the work that we need to do. Then decide on what type of training is required or best suited for us.

For example, a low score in motivational or social communication aspects can be improved by organizational training. There are many advantages to emotional intelligence training to help us improves in;

• Communication skills and enable us to comprehend nonverbal cues of interaction such as; body language, facial expression, and tone
• Performance and productivity in the workplace, and maintaining a high team spirit
• Organizational skills – managing schedules and communicate effectively and efficiently
• Motivation at work and the ability to accept feedback and constructive criticism positively
• Leadership skills

Application

This step is what I consider the most challenging step of learning E.I. As you arrive at the last stage, you are expected to incorporate your E.I. learning or training in real life. Once you have completed a self-discovery journey through learning, the results depend on your findings using self-taught activities, exercises, or structured E.I. courses.

These tools are productive when we can implement them in real-life situations, which is the ultimate test to whether you are serious about E.I.

Do you believe in its usefulness to work in your daily interactions either in a professional or personal setting? These skills and techniques that you may have learned are meant to help us if we use them to understand and label our own emotions when we are going through them.

Express what we feel gracefully, by doing our best not to harm others. And putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes, listening attentively without judgment. 

What is your take on E.I.? Feel free to comment or share some insights with readers around the globe!

The post Four Stages of Learning Emotional Intelligence – Part 1 appeared first on myEAblog.com.