Four Stages of Learning Emotional Intelligence – Part 1

I believe emotional intelligence can be gained or improved upon at any point in life. The real question to ask; do we think we have the right environment to learn and practice emotional intelligence skills? Do we need to have a resourceful environment? To enable us to see the areas or the aspects of E.I. that we should work on, to seek understanding as well as ask for expert advice on how to do so. Base on some reading of my own, there are four stages of learning E.I., insight, assessment, training, and lastly, application. 

Let’s dive at a high level onto each stage to see how it all comes together. 

 Insight

Having insights that something in us needs either changing or improving is the first important step. Recognizing a need in us in order to reach our full potential. Any learning starts when there is awareness; once it identifies the next step would be to ask ourselves, are we ready to make those changes.

With emotional intelligence, there are crucial components that are worth discovering such as;

Self-awareness – understanding of how we are feeling? And why do we feel this way or another? 

Self-regulation – our ability to express our feelings in a way that doesn’t make us look like fools “overly emotional, outburst, anger, lashing out, etc.” 

Motivation – what moves us internally? Our drives and passion impact how we want to change and how we express ourselves and how we want to live life. 

Empathy – to have the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. To be able to see the world from their perspective. It’s not about solving someone’s problem as much as truly being there, supporting, and offering encouraging words, and when possible if we are in a position to help even better. 

Social skills – the ability to communicate effectively, build strong relationships, and connecting, whether personally or professionally, which are equally important. Gaining insights into which aspects we need to work on is key. Some of us might be excellent communicators with strong social skills but lack in self-regulation.

This is a skill that I am all too familiar with, as I work with my son to help him express his disappointments, hurts and loss while balancing what he gains as us adults like to call it “life experience” with a hopeful outlook no matter what the situation looks from the inside.

The learning process starts in knowing which aspect of emotional intelligence needs to be developed and focus on so you are off to a good start. 

Assessment

Looking at measuring where we stand on each E.I. aspect, there are many tests widely available online listing few links for you to get started that you can try to use some are free, but if you need a full report then you will get charged for it:

MindTools – https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/ei-quiz.htm

Emotional Intelligence – https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/tests/personality/emotional-intelligence-test

Greater Good – https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/quizzes/ei_quiz

HBR – https://hbr.org/2015/06/quiz-yourself-do-you-lead-with-emotional-intelligence

 Also, you could seek professional training, where you will have support materials provided to you to assess your emotional intelligence and guidance on getting started and staying on track. 

Training

With assessment, it opens the flood gates if you will, which will provide us with a wide range of options to choose from. You can’t tackle all of them at once, but it depends on what part of emotional intelligence that has a greater need to achieve the work that we need to do. Then decide on what type of training is required or best suited for us.

For example, a low score in motivational or social communication aspects can be improved by organizational training. There are many advantages to emotional intelligence training to help us improves in;

• Communication skills and enable us to comprehend nonverbal cues of interaction such as; body language, facial expression, and tone
• Performance and productivity in the workplace, and maintaining a high team spirit
• Organizational skills – managing schedules and communicate effectively and efficiently
• Motivation at work and the ability to accept feedback and constructive criticism positively
• Leadership skills

Application

This step is what I consider the most challenging step of learning E.I. As you arrive at the last stage, you are expected to incorporate your E.I. learning or training in real life. Once you have completed a self-discovery journey through learning, the results depend on your findings using self-taught activities, exercises, or structured E.I. courses.

These tools are productive when we can implement them in real-life situations, which is the ultimate test to whether you are serious about E.I.

Do you believe in its usefulness to work in your daily interactions either in a professional or personal setting? These skills and techniques that you may have learned are meant to help us if we use them to understand and label our own emotions when we are going through them.

Express what we feel gracefully, by doing our best not to harm others. And putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes, listening attentively without judgment. 

What is your take on E.I.? Feel free to comment or share some insights with readers around the globe!