Setting Healthy Boundaries

How can we proactively create and maintain healthy boundaries with those close to us and others alike? It’s definitely not a task that can be done easily, and often, rather might be challenging to achieve, especially with people we care about. Telling people that there is a line to respect may appear selfish or rude. But it’s important and required in order to set boundaries.

Boundaries help us feel at ease, in control and respected. Respecting our own limits helps us to be better at taking care of ourselves physically and emotionally. Boundaries give us time for self-reflection, recharges our energy, prevents burnout, builds trust, and infuses authenticity and meaning into our relationships.

Therefore, to protect our best interests and help loved ones understand us better without having them feel hurt, neglected, or abandoned, there is a way to do it right. Even though we were not taught this in school, it’s never too late to start learning and exploring how we can benefit from setting better boundaries in our lives. We must become better equipped in managing loved ones or others’ expectations of us with our time and space.

 

Here are a few ways to begin:

• Your body talks to you so pay attention – it always sends you alerts. When I am near my limit, I notice more headaches, feeling overwhelmed, and exhausted. Perhaps this may be the case for you, or you may feel a tightening in your jaw, or you find yourself with clenched fists, lose focus on things you planned or set out to do. Maybe you even feel something in your stomach, head, or throat? Whatever signals your body is giving you, a good practice to pay attention to what your body is telling you and take the time to reflect on that feeling of uncomfortableness and understand the boundary that is surfacing.

 

• Get to know your priorities – time is a valuable resource that can’t be replaced once it’s gone. It’s guaranteed that if you please everyone you leave yourself open for burnout, resentment, and denying yourself time for pleasure doing the activities you enjoy the most and focusing on what you value. This way, the next time you tell someone yes, ensure that you are not telling yourself no at the same time. Taking stock of your priorities and where you spend your time and energy is one step to helping you adjust.

 

• Communicate – clearly with someone who might violate your boundaries or impose themselves on your space or time. Explain with clarity to them by giving them more information to express your frustration in a healthy way. Help them understand that boundaries are essential to you; as a result, for the next time, if this occurs, they now appreciate not strongly to impose their priorities and respect your space and time.

 

• Finding comfort in uncomfortableness – If you aren’t used to protecting your boundaries, you may discover that you are feeling a bit awkward, nervous, or guilty when addressing personal limits without feeling that you are hurting someone’s feeling. Give yourself time and space to build up your tolerance. Try practicing with a trusted friend, also breathing exercises help calm your nerves or talk to a therapist. You must practice being uncomfortable and getting to say “No” more than “yes” if saying yes, always or most times cause you undue hardship and endless obligations that fill up your time and energy, leaving you burnout, resentful, little breathing room, and barely have time to accomplish what you need.

 

• Make some temporary space – if you ever find yourself in a position where someone is crossing your boundary, and you are not exactly sure how to respond, let them know that you need time to rethink and come back to that conversation later.

 

• Your boundaries are flexible, let them flex – boundaries will always change depending on the person, and over time they may shift depending on the situation. If your limits are too rigid or too loose, this may indicate something going on beneath the surface for you. If that becomes the case, you may want to explore the root causes. Most importantly, the rules of your relationship must feel right for you.

 

• Preparation is key – been there done that you can’t always please others all the time, you will end either burnout and resentful for sure or upsetting someone in the process. Don’t be surprised if someone took offense or react negatively to your request/feedback. Most individuals who are abusive, manipulative, or controlling with unhealthy boundaries may be triggered when you start setting boundaries. Expressing your limits gently and with compassion helps, but it’s not your job to fix that behaviour in order to make it okay for them.

 

• Establish consequences – if someone continues to disrespect your boundaries or doesn’t understand that you have other obligations as well that you need to attend to. You may consider a few options, either take a ‘relationship’ break from the individual or stop working with them altogether. It’s essential to choose an approach where you are comfortable, willing, and ready to stand firm. If you find this challenging, you may enlist the help of a family member, or a trusted friend.

 

• Boundaries of others need to be respected – as always, the golden rule treats others as you wish to be treated. If you are seeking boundaries around yourself, you also must learn to honors other people’s boundaries. Quite often people will give us both verbal and physical cues about their limits. Notice their body language changes or if they seem uncomfortable. Keep in mind that everyone is unique, and their communication and signals may mean different things. However, if you’re not sure what someone’s boundary is, stop and ask. “May I call you at 8:30 pm.?” or “Would you mind some feedback?” or “May I ask you a personal question?”

 

In summary, you won’t please everyone, but good luck in establishing your boundaries; once you do, you will be happier, less stressed, and more in tune with what matters and keeping the toxic time stealers out of your life.