Compelling Communication Strategies
Recently I have learned through an online course in communication that I was taking, how to use four simple strategies to professionally communicate in the workplace. I could not believe how simple, yet easy those four strategies are and the question I asked myself “how come I never thought about that? Or how can I use them?”
After my learning, I had managed to put the strategies to the test, when conflict did arise at work the results where amazing I was able to cool the situation and communicate in a compelling way especially when the stakes are high for both sides. I found them helpful no matter what your style, or your communication partner’s style, might be. Let’s dive into the topic a little be more;
What a Communication Strategy is – and isn’t:
Communication strategies are not about coercive manipulation or “tricky” office politics. It’s essential to recognize that manipulation happens all the time. It’s a reality of any interaction between two or more people. However, it’s different within the office environment for two primary reasons.
First, we seldom, if ever, like everyone we work with. Our co-workers and managers aren’t necessarily people we would choose to spend time with outside the office. Some of them may even hold values that are significantly opposed to ours.
Secondly, we have minimal choice about whether to be with these people. Our livelihood depends upon our showing up at work every day and doing our best to get along with everyone in a cooperative, collaborative fashion. Because of these reasons, the experience of negotiation, and strategic communication in general, often feels very different in the office from when we are with friends and family.
Communication strategies are about reducing friction and achieving the best outcomes for the organization and, where possible, everyone involved. Striving to continually improve your communication skills allows you to advance the organization’s goals, while also helping your co-workers achieve their objectives. Happily, enough, this also speeds you along your career path. That being said; let’s explore those four strategies;
Communication Strategy# 1 – Don’t argue with reality
Arguing with reality – for example, suggesting it “shouldn’t” be a winter storm when in fact it is – never ends well. We cannot win the argument, but we certainly can make ourselves miserable in the process. How often have you thought, “he shouldn’t have said that!” or “She should not have done that” or “they should have brought me in the loop” etc. These statements are just as unhelpful as trying to convince the sky to stop snowing when you are sitting there in the middle of snow storm. Everyone has different communication styles and preferences and thinking that anyone “should” be any different will only lead to frustration and resentment. Accept your observations of these individuals’ behavior is reality, and that they aren’t going to change even if you want to believe they “should”. Then you can ask yourself how to manage and adapt to that reality instead of fighting with it – and instantly your available options will expand.
Communication Strategy# 2 – Expect to be surprised
When you expect a conversation, discussion, or meeting to be challenging, you are remarkably likely to get the exactly that: a challenge. The reason is simple you are on the defensive before you ever say a word, and regardless of how you are at concealing your thoughts and feelings, that defensiveness inevitably comes across. Instead no matter how difficult past experiences with a person or group might have been, remind yourself that you really do not know what will happen. Expect to be surprised, and you will discover that people may not be as difficult as you had previously anticipated. And even if they are just as difficult as they have always been, you will be more relaxed and therefore more able to adapt and respond to what they say instead of reacting and feeling triggered or upset.
Communication Strategy# 3 – Find the Fear
This strategy by far my most favorite one! Everyone has something to fear whether shame, embarrassments, anger, anxiety, losing control, insecure, vulnerable etc. Of course, this does not mean running up to someone and saying, “I bet I know what you are afraid of!” Instead, it means exploring the possibility they might have some specific concerns. Clearly this strategy requires empathy, delicate tact, and careful timing. And effectively using this strategy can make all the difference between a success and failure of managing a situation or a project outcome.
Communication Strategy# 4 – Explore the third truth
You know the old saying that there are three truths: my truth, your truth, and the real truth. In any situation each of us has our own personal version of the truth, and about what we believe and what we want. When those truth are in conflict, we typically dig in our heels and stubbornly defend our position. Especially if we tend to be higher on the competitive scale versus collaborative. This will only increase the level of disagreement and even conflict. However, if we can pause and implement the first three strategies mentioned above:
- Stop arguing with the reality that other person sees things differently than we do
- Expect to be pleasantly surprised by how events unfold
- Seek to understand what the other person might be concerned, worried or fearful about
Then we open to a range of options that would otherwise be impossible. People are often reluctant to explore the other person’s view point (or truth), because they feel as if understanding equates with agreement. But this isn’t at all the case. Understanding is simply understanding; you are still free to disagree. When you take the time to understand the other person’s truth, you have more clarity about what’s at stake for them, and therefore a greater ability to create a new, more mutually agreeable solution to the issue at hand.
In Conclusion
These four strategies build upon each other – and they take practice! The first step is always to be aware of where you‘re coming from and consistently ask yourself these questions:
- Are you in an argument with reality?
- Are you expecting the worst from an individual or a situation?
- What might the other person be worried about?
- Can you understand their truth? And therefore, seek to create a third, more powerful truth?
