Trust @Work – Building Strong Relationships

All good relationships, whether with colleagues, spouses, friends, clients, etc., are built on trust. Trust affects how we see the world, how safe we feel, and how we approach new people and situations. It also affects whether we’re willing to go the extra mile for a friend, relative, co-worker, or even someone we’ve never met but with whom we do business.

When trust levels are high, you feel relaxed and accepted; you can be yourself. When trust levels are low, you feel uncomfortable, guarded, and on the defensive; you can’t be yourself. Co-workers with high levels of trust enjoy working and spending time together and are more productive.

From my own experiences, both professionally and personally, I have enjoyed excellent relationships built on trust that helped foster and grow toward friendships over time. However, on the downside, I have also experienced negative results professionally, when I have placed my trust in people, I thought had the best intentions. I first start with trust to cultivate growth and build connections with people. Because of this, I am not always as guarded as I should be. The truth is that I cannot be my authentic self in every interaction if I constantly analyze things from a lack of trust perspective. It prevents me from building those fruitful relationships in my life. Have I been burned many times before? Absolutely! Did I learn a few lessons along the way…. Maybe! It depends on the situation. I don’t know how to live in a world where all I do is mistrust everyone’s intentions.

The good news is you have to go through the valleys and the peaks, and with experience, you get to discern and read people well for the most part. Yes, some are perfect actors, but be aware of your intuition, gut feelings, and thoughts or voices that nag at you. Listen to those inner gut instincts because they serve you well over time. Don’t ignore those inner instincts; I assure you- you’ll regret it if you do.

With that said, here are ten tips on how to build trust in your work or personal relationships:

1. Respect confidentiality in your personal and work life.
2. Keep your promises and follow through with commitments.
3. Be a good listener.
4. Realize that trust is up to you.
5. Trust people who are different from you.
6. Tell the truth.
7. Communicate openly and honestly.
8. Forgive and move on.
9. Work at building trust when there is a problem.
10. Learn to recognize whom to trust.

The unfortunate fact is that not everyone can be trusted. It can be harmful to trust too much, just as it can be harmful not to trust enough. It’s not a good idea to trust everyone you meet or to share personal information about yourself too freely.

• Use your instincts, good judgment, and interactions with people to determine whether someone can be trusted. If you feel uncomfortable, figure out why you think this way. Check out the person’s story or background if possible. While first impressions sometimes turn out wrong, they can still send valuable signals to be careful.
• Watch for signs that someone may not be trustworthy. These may include avoiding eye contact, stumbling over words, excessive fidgeting, making conflicting statements or outlandish promises, or purposely speaking so you cannot hear. (Be aware that there may be other reasons for some of this behavior, such as cultural differences or disabilities.) At the same time, the least trustworthy people can be con artists: charming, smooth talkers who put you at ease immediately; you need time to tell.
• If something feels wrong, hold off trusting the person until you feel comfortable doing so. Distrust and suspicion are healthy reactions under certain circumstances.

When faced with setbacks or disappointments in the workplace or personal relationships, the only way to regain lost trust is to work at it.

• Talk with the person who let you down. Talk about it if you feel angry, disappointed, betrayed, or taken advantage of.
• Don’t wait. The longer you wait to talk about a problem, the bigger the misunderstanding becomes.
• Find small ways to trust the person again. When you see smaller commitments being met over time, it’s easier to trust that the larger ones will be met, too.
• Consider professional counseling to work through the challenging issues of rebuilding trust.
• Be realistic. Understand that it can take a long time to rebuild trust.

“Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair.” – unknown