Building Your Self-Confidence From Within

Most people, at one time or another, struggle with self-confidence.  Some don’t even realize how much they struggle with self-confidence until they question why they are continually stuck in a rut.

Lack of self-confidence shows up in different scenarios or forms in our lives. A few are listed here:

• At work, during meetings, you are not confident speaking on a topic you know well.
• Social events or professional networking events
• Conferences, forums, seminars
• Appearance and comfort within your skin
• Language barriers
• Expecting perfection (putting pressure on yourself)
• Relationships
• Your community, family, or friends
• Status – social, economic, or other

The List could go on, but I am sure you see where I am going with this when you lack self-confidence, 9 out of 10 times, that comes from a place of insecurity deep within. This means it requires an effort to self-check and goes far down to the root cause of it.

Building yourself up is the key to self-confidence versus relying on others to help you build it. It starts by internally understanding yourself and how you feel about yourself. It is more important to self-check how you view yourself than others. For example, behaviors that contribute to or enable the lack of confidence in you or your life should be identified during your self-check.

Are there people who surround you building you up, or are they tearing you down? Are those with whom you trust, being critical of your appearance, your relationships, your decisions, your success, failures, or mistakes you’ve made along the way? There are many of these external and internal forces that apply. The key is to quiet down the noise to filter the side effects of “what is causing your lack of self-confidence at this time.”

Once you figure out the factors related to your lacking confidence, you can start to learn how to build your confidence from within. I am not an expert on the subject, given I suffer from a lack of self-confidence. However, I have learned to recognize the voices and thoughts in my head that bring all sorts of put-downs, and I started to self-talk with myself more kindly and compassionately to stop the noise and get honest about the thoughts in my head.

Here are a few things I do personally to build my self-confidence within:

• I read books that inspire me on topics that most people don’t like to discuss (Brene Brown books are great!)
• I watch Oprah’s “Super Soul Sunday.”
• Listen to uplifting music. It’s good for the soul and spirit
• Meditation geared specifically towards self-love, self-confidence, and loving-kindness
• I dedicate time on the weekend to care for myself, such as getting (a new haircut or color, a facial, a new outfit, or getting my nails done, etc.)
• Most importantly, I surround myself with friends I trust and admire, and I enjoy their company and wisdom.
• And when all else fails, God is my soft place to turn to. In the stillness, when I turn to his scriptures, I constantly get reminded that he was pleased with what he created. I am created in his image with unconditional love, mercy, and grace.
• Empower me with knowledge, sometimes specific, sometimes general.
• Acts of bravery daily
• Dress nicely; with high heels and makeup. It’s a real transformation that has a “feel good” effect in an instant
• Be grateful
• Smile a lot
• Know my values and principles and live by them
• Organize, and plan things. Order is essential in my life as it helps me feel in control
• Exercise
• Enjoy time with friends and family (people in your life that cheer for you and love you)
• Eat healthily and take pride in keeping a healthy weight
• Enjoy being in the presence of nature. It gives me the feeling of fullness, calm, and joy
• Finally – I believe in myself (here is where the self-talk happens for me). I get into a dialogue with myself, reaffirming God’s plans for me and my life, knowing that I am created with a plan, and God is willing to utilize those skills and talents for his glory. I am a disciple in the making!

If my world gets messy and chaos abounds, getting rid of the clutter in my home, work or life helps me feel in control as my self-confidence thrives on organization and planning. The calm in the center of the storm makes all the difference.

Somehow, I can’t believe that there are any heights that can’t be scaled by a man who knows the secrets of making dreams come true. This special secret, it seems to me, can be summarized in four Cs. They are curiosity, confidence, courage, and constancy, and the greatest of all is confidence. When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionably. – Walt Disney

What are your tips for building self-confidence from within? Feel free to leave a comment below that might help others.