Intimidation: Refusing & Standing Firm
I am sure we all have encountered them: the people who seem to be in total control. They exude self-confidence and, without intentionally doing so— intimidate you. Intelligent people don’t mean to make the modest ones feel unsmart. Assertive people can’t always help it if meek ones fade in their presence. When you must deal with these “favored” individuals, something unpleasant often happens. You lose whatever poise and confidence you thought you had. You back off or act foolishly—quite unlike your usual self. Your positive self-image self-destructs.
How can it be restored?
- Successes: It’s important to acknowledge your accomplishments; too often, we tend to gloss over our successes and obsess over failures. It’s essential to keep both in perspective in order to build ourselves up.
- Comparing: It’s a dangerous territory you will be entering; therefore, stop it. Each of us possesses a complicated set of strengths and weaknesses. For example, an individual may be more able at numbers and less persuasive with people, but the organization needs both types as both styles to get work done.
- Perfectionism: give that up; a rational and healthy standard demands that you try your best, not that you never make mistakes. You must try to make the best of what you have. Remember that the most elegantly turned-out executives will have days when their hair refuses to stay in place, or a presentation that failed to deliver the message intended to, or a deal turns sour.
Intimidation by design
In contrast to no-fault intimidation, there’s the deliberate kind. Your manager may use coercive power, or a peer may undermine you. Kind of like the Machiavellian tactics for the person to get what they want by exercising their power of authority and getting ahead (unjust criticism, sarcasm, withholding information, ignoring your ideas) make you feel victimized. What you must do is ‘out-Mac’ your opponent. Some pointers:
- Do some self-analysis. Am I allowing myself to be passive? Why is this person treating me like a doormat? If the individual is on your level, it’s vital to assess your role in relation to him. See if there is a way to establish some reciprocity between you, some basis for cooperation. As colleagues, you need to interact. How does your work affect the other person’s job?
- Bring it out into the open. Unless you confront the intimidator, there can’t be any progress. Possibly he/she isn’t even aware of the effect on you. But if the intimidation is deliberate, serving notice that you aren’t going to be passive could go far in squelching it.
- Learn to be more influential. The best way to counter intimidation is to develop your own powers. Cultivate your expertise; the more competent you are, the greater your confidence to deal with those who are intimidating.
- Lastly, when the situation is unsalvageable, the scars will be more significant; it’s time to remove yourself from the ugly and move on to a safe harbor.
Final Thoughts
Battling intimidation is particularly necessary for females, who may face a hostile male environment, or for members of minority groups struggling to get ahead. Wherever there is evidence of deliberate intimidation, it is important to confront it. It is a risk, but one you must take to achieve real growth.
Do you have anything you’d like to add? Please let me know in the comments below!
