Various factors can influence self-efficacy, including past experiences, social support, and physiological and emotional states. For example, if you have completed a similar task in the past, you may feel more confident in your ability to do so again. However, if you have repeatedly failed at a particular task, your self-efficacy may need to be higher.

As studies have shown that social support also plays a role in self-efficacy. If you have people who believe in and encourage you, your self-efficacy may be higher. While if you are surrounded by people who are pessimistic or doubt your abilities, your self-efficacy may suffer.

Physiological and emotional states can also impact self-efficacy. When you feel tired, stressed, or overwhelmed, your self-efficacy may be lower. Your self-efficacy will likely increase when you feel rested, relaxed, and focused.

Search and studies have shown that self-efficacy can be improved through various strategies, which include:

Setting achievable goals: Setting goals that are too difficult can lead to feelings of frustration and defeat, while setting goals that are too easy can lead to a shortfall in motivation and boredom. By setting achievable but challenging goals, you can build your self-efficacy and confidence in your abilities.

Seeking feedback: Receiving feedback from others can help you pinpoint your strengths and areas for improvement, boosting your self-efficacy. Ensure you seek input from trusted people who have your best interests at heart.

Seeking social support: Surrounding yourself with supportive and encouraging people can help boost your self-efficacy. These people can provide encouragement, motivation, and guidance as you work towards your goals.

Practicing self-affirmation: Engaging in self-affirmation, or repeating positive statements to yourself, can help increase your self-efficacy and confidence. This can be especially helpful when facing a challenging task or situation.

Engaging in positive self-talk: Similar to self-affirmation, engaging in positive self-talk can help boost your self-efficacy. Instead of focusing on negative thoughts or self-doubt, try to reassess your thoughts and hold them in a more positive light.

Using visualization techniques: Visualizing yourself completing a task or achieving a goal can help increase your self-efficacy and confidence. Take a few moments to close your eyes and picture yourself succeeding in the task or goal you are working towards.

Engaging in activities that challenge you: Taking on tasks or actions can help build your self-efficacy. You can gain confidence in your abilities and increase your self-efficacy by successfully completing these tasks.

Final thoughts

Self-efficacy is an essential factor in motivation and performance, and there are many strategies you can use to improve it. By setting achievable goals, seeking feedback and social support, practicing self-affirmation and positive self-talk, using visualization techniques, and engaging in activities that challenge you, you can increase your self-efficacy and confidence in your abilities. This, in turn, can help you take on new challenges and persist in the face of setbacks.

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Reflect on your behavior: The first step in transforming a difficult relationship is to take a step back and consider your behavior and actions. Are you contributing to the negative dynamic in the relationship? Are there patterns of behavior that you could change to improve the relationship?

Communicate openly and honestly: Communication is vital in any relationship, but it is essential in difficult ones. Make an effort to be open and honest with the other person and try to listen to their perspective. Jumping to conclusions or making assumptions should be avoided while instead being open to compromise and finding common ground.

Set boundaries: Establishing and respecting boundaries in any relationship is essential. This can help to reduce conflict and increase understanding and respect between you and the other person. Be clear about what you are and are not comfortable with, and be willing to communicate your boundaries to the other person.

Practice empathy: The ability to understand and share another person’s feelings is known as empathy. When dealing with a difficult relationship,  put yourself in the other person’s shoes to better understand their perspective. This can help to reduce conflict and build a deeper connection between you.

Seek outside help: If you are struggling to transform a difficult relationship on your own, consider seeking the help of a coach, therapist, or counselor. They can provide you with the tools and support you need to work through your challenges.

Take care of yourself: It is important to prioritize your well-being when working to transform a difficult relationship. Make sure to set aside time for self-care and practice healthy coping mechanisms to manage any negative emotions that may come up.

Practice forgiveness: Forgiveness is an essential step in transforming a difficult relationship. It does not mean that you have to forget about the harm that has been done, but it does mean letting go of anger and resentment and working towards a more positive future.

Be patient: Transforming a complicated relationship takes time and effort, and being patient with yourself and the other person is essential. It’s critical to note that change does not happen overnight, and it is important to be kind and understanding as you work towards a healthier relationship.

In conclusion, while difficult relationships can be challenging, they can also be an opportunity for growth and transformation. By reflecting on your behavior, communicating openly and honestly, setting boundaries, practicing empathy, seeking outside help, taking care of yourself, and practicing forgiveness, you can work towards transforming a difficult relationship into a healthier and more positive connection.

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Structure Your Decision

Getting a job offer is a significant ego boost. It shows that your skills are desired, and you are a potentially valuable asset to the team. However, it’s important to think beyond the flattery and give careful consideration to what’s most beneficial for you and your career. Both long-and short-term. Career decisions can get complicated and risky, and maintaining objectivity without a plan is next to impossible. Before you begin to think through your decision-making process, outline your career goals and criteria for acceptance, laying out a roadmap for evaluating each element.

Ask Questions

We all know not every promise made during an interview will eventually be fulfilled. There are employers who optimistically paint that overly rose-colored picture of an incredible work experience in their organization, which can fuel unrealistic expectations of job candidates about what to expect. This happens more often than you think.

You can mitigate being led astray with a bit of preemptive planning by taking a deep dive into the culture and environment during interviews. It’s essential to ask exploratory questions about employee engagement, expectations, metrics, challenges faced, growth potential, and, just as vital, how long people historically stay in their roles. Some good questions to start with:

• What would success in the role look like to you?
• How often do one-on-ones take place with your staff?
• What do you like about working here?

Beware of Cognitive Bias

The tendency to favor information that supports what we believe, like noticing and buying into stories that align with our current views, is known as Confirmation bias. Confirmation bias comes in many forms, such as giving more credence to information linked to recent memory, so it’s essential to identify and counter these biases quickly before making any life-altering decisions, such as a career change.

Seek an Outside Perspective

An organization’s genuine commitment to employee development and determining whether it walks the walk should be a purpose bigger than just its tagline. To learn whether a company’s values are in sync with your own is hard enough to do without first talking to people who already work there. Before accepting any offer, you would benefit from making it a priority to network with employees who work for the company if you can. Let them know you are interested in joining, and get their view of what it’s like on the inside.

When you do reach a tentative decision, ensure you discuss your decision-making criteria with those you know who will challenge your assumptions rather than relying on people who share your views. Look for individuals with no vested interest in your ultimate choice and tell them they can help you most by being entirely honest.

With some thoughtful planning, lay out a roadmap for your decision and career goals. Pay close attention to your assumptions and biases, and take a minute out to ask the right people the right questions prior to accepting a new position. Recognizing and discussing the realities of your role, responsibilities, and relationships upfront can help you avoid a painful career misstep.

When You Make an Impulsive Move

Switching jobs without rationally thinking it through may tempt you to accept a job quickly just to get away. Soon after starting the new career, you’ll question why you acted so impulsively. For example, the recruiter may have pushed the role too aggressively,  or perhaps the interviewer(s) over-promised and under-delivered. In your haste to join the resign-my-job club, you may have overlooked the obvious red flags (personally been there, done that).

You may find yourself stuck in a rebound job. Now you may be faced with this dilemma. Do you quit after only a couple of months, or do you try to stick it out for another year or so to keep your résumé looking enticing to recruiters? Truth be told, you have every right to worry about looking like a job hopper. Every time you go for an interview, you’ll be grilled over the short stint. It’s not fair, but this is what happens.

To make matters worse, being unhappy in the new role, you start searching again. Feeling disappointed and desperate, it’s likely that you’ll take the first offer to escape. The odds are high that this wasn’t the best offer or job. Now, you are in another dead-end role. These will be two instances you now have to suffer through explaining to human resources for the rest of your career.

To make matters worse, when the topic of your job switches arises, you’ll understandably feel angry and frustrated. This is not a good look in the interview. The hiring manager may question your decision-making process and surly attitude and take a pass for someone with a “cleaner” job history.

Lateral Moves

You are advised not to make lateral moves; a new job appears to be your only chance of making a giant leap in title and compensation. Yes, if you are going for the title and salary, and if that’s your goal, you may find what you are looking for. However, more money and a better title rarely are what makes you happy in a job. And given how flat some companies are today, there is often nowhere to go in your current position or another one. It would be best if you focused on finding exciting work and instead look for autonomy, mastery, and purpose rather than worrying about lateral moves.

Always on The Lookout for Your Next Job

In a perfect world, you should never be looking for your next job if you love what you do and are in a flow state. You want to be happy and not feel like you’re constantly searching. Research points out a form of “flow” as a neurological condition of our brain where we can achieve maximum productivity while simultaneously, our brain consumes very little energy. In effect, we are fully immersed in what we do in our job. We remain fully absorbed, even losing a sense of time, yet we can function at our best. When you have found this “flow” in a particular job, then looking for your next one would be seen as unnecessary.

Regardless, even if you’ve found a role that you are happy with, you should still be learning and growing. It does not have to be a new role with a new company, but it can be a different role or maybe a challenge in your existing job. As we know, the world is changing so rapidly that you must be agile or adaptable. Look for training or projects that give you more skills and allow you to do things outside your comfort zone, not just the ones you need for your current role.

When Changing Jobs or Careers is a Good Option

• Let’s say you dread getting up in the morning, with the thought of work leaving you feeling stressed, anxious, or with a case of “the Mondays”? It may be an excellent time to begin thinking if this is the right job or career for you. As many who have or have ever had this feeling know all too well, it doesn’t go away without making a meaningful change in your life.
• You lack interest in the role. It has become an old “familiar shoe.” You could probably do this job with your eyes closed. You may be feeling bored and even no longer motivated to do more than what’s required of the position. You are no longer passionate about it. It might be time to seek new opportunities or challenges to get you out of the comfort zone you are in right now.
• There are no career advancement opportunities. An important motivational factor in one’s career is often advancement itself. You may want to be a manager or a leader, but there is no clear path at your current company. Or you may have plateaued in your role, and there are no paths available to make an impact within the current organization. Whatever your professional objectives, if you can’t see a clear path to landing your ideal position, this may no longer be the best fit for you.
• You would like more compensation. Research to know what your peers in similar positions are making. Sites like Glassdoor and Indeed can help you identify the average salary for any given job title. You could discover that your income is either above or below the industry average for your position. In any case, knowing this information will help you determine if leaving your current work will result in higher pay.
• You no longer share the ideals of the organization. You could no longer be in line with the company’s goal, purpose, or vision as a result of a restructuring or a change in leadership. To increase your clarity on this, looking at what you value is a great place to start. Describe the ideals you uphold on a personal or professional level. Decide on the 4-5 basic ideals that apply to both areas of your life. This might assist you in finding discrepancies between your values and those of your firm. Additionally, it will make it clearer which kinds of businesses you want to work with in the future.
• Your job is impacting you personally. Whether it is a lack of work-life balance, work stress coming home with you, or your relationships being affected, it may be time to consider a change. One way to notice if this is the case for you is to check in with your body. Are you not sleeping, having headaches, or having gastrointestinal issues? All these can be signs that something is off and needs attention. A notable change in your work environment may be warranted.

Over your career, you are likely to switch jobs multiple times. I would not feel so bad or consider myself a job-hopper. There are always personal or professional circumstances that bring about change; regardless of the reasons for change, whether a volunteer or forced, in the end, everyone is looking for a fulfilling, meaningful, and challenging role. In addition to work-life balance and learning opportunities, that creates a state of flow and satisfaction. Until this need is fulfilled or satisfied, seeking new changes or career moves will constantly be an evolving door until you find what you desire.

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Here are some tips for becoming known for your ideas:

Define your niche and focus on it.

To become known for your ideas, you must have a clear focus and be an expert in a specific area. This means identifying your niche and developing a deep understanding of the topic. By specializing in a particular area, you can differentiate yourself from others and become a go-to source of information and expertise.

Build your knowledge and skills.

To be taken seriously as a thought leader, you must have solid knowledge and skills in your chosen field. This means investing in learning and continuing to educate yourself through formal education, workshops, or self-study.

Share your ideas and expertise.

One of the most effective ways to become known for your ideas is to share them with others. This could be through writing articles, presentations, or sharing your thoughts on social media. By consistently sharing your ideas and expertise, you can build a following and establish yourself as a respected authority in your field.

Network and collaborate.

Networking and collaboration are essential for becoming known for your ideas. Building relationships with other experts and thought leaders in your field can help you gain visibility and credibility. It can also lead to new opportunities for sharing ideas and collaborating on projects.

Be open to feedback and willing to adapt.

Becoming known for your ideas requires a certain level of vulnerability. You will need to be open to feedback and willing to adapt your ideas based on the input of others. This can be challenging, but it is essential for growing and improving as a thought leader.

Stay current and relevant.

You must stay current in your field to remain relevant and continue to be known for your ideas. This means staying current on new research and developments and adapting your ideas and approach accordingly.

Be authentic and genuine.

Authenticity is critical to becoming known for your ideas. Your followers and supporters must believe in you and your thoughts, which requires honesty and genuineness. Be authentic in your interactions with others and be true to your values and beliefs.

In Summary

Becoming known for your ideas takes time and effort but can be rewarding and fulfilling. By focusing on your niche, building your knowledge and skills, sharing your ideas, networking and collaborating, being open to feedback, staying current and relevant, and being authentic and genuine, you can establish yourself as a thought leader and make a real impact with your ideas.

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Set boundaries: One way to protect yourself from toxic workplace culture is to set clear boundaries around what you will and will not tolerate. This may involve limiting the amount of work you are willing to take on, setting boundaries around your time outside of work, or communicating clearly with colleagues about acceptable behaviors.

Seek support: It can be helpful to have a supportive network outside of work, whether friends, family, a coach, or a professional therapist. This can provide a safe space to vent about your experiences and help you cope with toxic workplace stress.

Find allies: If you are experiencing a toxic workplace culture, you may not be the only one. Look for others in your organization who may also be feeling the effects of the toxic culture, and consider building a support network with them. This can provide a sense of community and help you feel less isolated.

Document everything: If you feel you are being mistreated or subjected to toxic behavior, it can be helpful to document what is happening. Record incidents, including the date, time, and details of what occurred. This can be valuable evidence to escalate the situation or seek outside help.

Know your rights: It’s essential to understand your rights as an employee, including any protections you may have against harassment or discrimination. Familiarize yourself with your company’s policies and procedures and any relevant laws or regulations that may apply to your situation.

Consider seeking help from HR: If you feel the toxic culture is affecting your well-being or job performance, consider contacting your company’s HR department. HR can be a valuable resource for addressing workplace issues and providing guidance or assistance in navigating the situation.

Take care of yourself: Working in a toxic environment can be draining, so it’s essential to prioritize your well-being. This may involve finding ways to relax and de-stress outside of work, taking breaks when needed, and seeking support when needed.

Explore your options: If the toxic culture is severe and is causing significant harm to your well-being, it may be necessary to consider leaving the organization. While this can be a difficult decision, sometimes it is the best option for your long-term well-being. Before deciding, consider speaking with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist to get a fresh perspective.

Final Thoughts

Navigating a toxic workplace culture can be challenging. Still, by setting boundaries, seeking support, finding allies, documenting incidents, knowing your rights, and caring for yourself, you can protect your well-being and improve the situation. If necessary, consider seeking help from HR or exploring your options for leaving the organization. Remember that you deserve to work in a healthy, positive environment, and it’s essential to prioritize your well-being.

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Top Traits of Highly Resilient People and Tips on Developing Those Traits:

Positive attitude: Highly resilient people have a positive attitude, even in the face of adversity. They believe that they can overcome challenges and that things will get better. To develop a positive attitude, try to focus on the good things in your life and the things you can control. Practice gratitude and look for the silver lining in difficult situations.

Flexibility: Highly resilient people are flexible and adaptable. They are able to adjust to change and adapt to new situations. To develop flexibility, try to be open to new experiences and be willing to try new things. Practice being open-minded and be willing to change your plans if necessary.

Problem-solving skills: Highly resilient people are skilled at finding solutions to problems. They are able to think critically and creatively to come up with effective solutions. To develop problem-solving skills, try to approach problems with a clear mind and an open attitude. Look for multiple solutions and be willing to try different approaches until you find one that works.

Emotional intelligence: Highly resilient people have high emotional intelligence, meaning they are able to understand and manage their own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. To develop emotional intelligence, try becoming more aware of your emotions and how they affect your behavior. Practice mindfulness and try to regulate your emotions in difficult situations.

Emotion Regulation: Resilient people have the ability to regulate their emotions effectively. They can recognize and manage negative emotions, such as fear, anxiety, and stress, and channel them into positive action. To develop emotion regulation, practice mindfulness, deep breathing, and cognitive-behavioral therapy.

Self-awareness: Highly resilient people are self-aware and able to recognize their own strengths and limitations. They are able to understand their own emotions and thoughts, and they are able to manage their reactions to difficult situations. To develop self-awareness, try to be mindful of your own thoughts and emotions and practice self-reflection to better understand your motivations and behavior.

Strong social support: Highly resilient people have strong social support networks and are able to rely on others for help and support when needed. To develop strong social support, try cultivating close relationships with friends and family and be willing to ask for help when needed.

Self-care: Highly resilient people prioritize self-care and make time for activities that nourish their physical, emotional, and mental well-being. To develop self-care habits, try to make time for activities that you enjoy and that help you feel refreshed and rejuvenated. This could include exercise, hobbies, or relaxation techniques.

Coping skills: Highly resilient people have effective coping skills that they can use to manage stress and difficult emotions. To develop coping skills, try to identify your own personal stressors and find strategies that work for you to manage them. This could include techniques such as deep breathing, mindfulness, or seeking support from others.

Persistence: Highly resilient people are persistent and able to keep going even when faced with challenges and setbacks. To develop persistence, try to set goals for yourself and work towards them consistently, even if you encounter setbacks along the way. Practice persistence by trying new things and pursuing your passions, even when faced with challenges.

Optimism: Highly resilient people tend to be optimistic and have a hopeful outlook on life. They believe that things will work out in the end and are able to find the silver lining in difficult situations. To develop optimism, try focusing on your life’s positive aspects and practice gratitude.

Adaptability: Highly resilient people are able to adapt to changing circumstances and find ways to overcome challenges. They are flexible and open to new ideas and are able to adjust their approach as needed. They are also able to see the bigger picture and understand that change is a natural part of life. To develop adaptability, try to embrace change and look for opportunities to learn and grow in the face of it.

Resourcefulness: Highly resilient people are resourceful and are able to find creative solutions to challenges. They are able to think on their feet and come up with innovative ideas and strategies. To develop resourcefulness, try approaching challenges with a problem-solving mindset and looking for creative solutions.

Gratitude: Highly resilient people practice gratitude and are able to find joy and appreciation in the present moment. They are able to recognize the positive aspects of their lives and express gratitude for them. To cultivate gratitude, try to focus on the things you are grateful for and express gratitude regularly.

Resilient Thinking: Resilient people have a resilient mindset. They view challenges and setbacks as temporary and solvable. To develop resilient thinking, practice positive self-talk, cultivate a growth mindset, and reframe negative thoughts into positive ones.

Supportive Relationships: Resilient people have a strong support system. They have close relationships with family, friends, and colleagues who provide emotional support and practical help when needed. To develop supportive relationships, prioritize building and maintaining connections with people who share your values and support your goals.

Perseverance: Resilient people have a strong work ethic and are willing to persevere through difficult times. They do not give up easily and are committed to achieving their goals. To develop perseverance, set achievable goals, break them down into smaller tasks, and celebrate your successes along the way.

Summing up, resilience is a crucial trait that can help individuals overcome challenges and thrive in the face of adversity. By developing the ten traits of highly resilient people, you can increase your own resilience and improve your ability to adapt to change, overcome obstacles, and achieve your goals. Remember, building resilience is a lifelong process; it takes time, practice, and patience to develop these skills.

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Improved Physical Health: It is well established that there is a strong link between mental and physical health. Poor mental health can lead to physical health issues such as cardiovascular disease, diabetes, and even shortened lifespan. On the other hand, good mental health can lead to improved physical health. For example, individuals with high stress and anxiety levels are more likely to experience headaches, stomach aches, and other physical symptoms. By improving mental health, individuals can reduce their risk of developing these physical health issues.

Increased Productivity: Good mental health is essential for optimal work and daily life performance. When struggling with mental health, focusing and completing tasks efficiently can be challenging. This can lead to decreased productivity and a negative impact on career advancement. On the other hand, when mental health is improved, individuals are able to focus and perform at their best, leading to increased productivity and success in their personal and professional lives.

Enhanced Relationships: Mental health transformation can also lead to improved relationships with others. When an individual struggles with mental health, maintaining and building relationships can be difficult. They may struggle with communication, empathy, and problem-solving, all of which are essential for healthy relationships. By improving mental health, individuals are better equipped to build and maintain strong relationships with others.

Increased Resilience: Mental health transformation can also lead to increased resilience, or the ability to bounce back from challenges and setbacks. When an individual is struggling with their mental health, they may feel overwhelmed and defeated by even minor challenges. By improving mental health, individuals are better able to cope with stress and adversity, leading to increased resilience and the ability to navigate difficult situations more effectively.

Improved Quality of Life: Perhaps the most significant benefit of mental health transformation is an overall improvement in quality of life. When an individual is struggling with their mental health, it can be difficult to enjoy and appreciate life’s simple pleasures. By improving mental health, individuals can experience more joy and contentment in their daily lives.

There are many ways to achieve mental health transformation, and what works for one individual may not work for another. Some common approaches include therapy, medication, self-care practices, and lifestyle changes. Therapy can be particularly helpful for individuals struggling with mental health issues as it provides a safe and supportive space to explore and work through challenges. Medication can also be an effective treatment for specific mental health conditions, such as depression and anxiety.

Self-care practices, such as exercise, meditation, and journaling, can also help improve mental health. Working with a coach helps bring a laser focus to achieving goals, problem-solving, finding solutions, and accountability. As well as making lifestyle changes, for example, getting enough sleep and maintaining a healthy diet, can also have a positive impact on mental well-being.

To sum it up, mental health transformation can lead to numerous benefits, including improved physical health, increased productivity, enhanced relationships, increased resilience, and an overall improvement in quality of life. It is essential to prioritize mental health and seek out resources and support when needed. With the right tools and support, individuals can transform their mental health and experience a more fulfilling and rewarding life.

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I have decided to write this one on fear and emotional pain that comes with change, focusing on the mixed emotions they bring and how to cope with them, as I have shared some real-life experiences in previous posts.

I spent most of my life trying to protect myself from emotional pain, hiding my fears and pretending that I could manage them with each change or life event. For someone who went through such trouble to show people how resilient I can be, I have learned nothing from my past hardships until very recently.

To keep it short, I will give a brief breakdown of fear and emotional pain from change and their effects on the lessons learned in my life. Living in a country with severe political issues already, followed by the pain of my father’s death at eight years old and living in survival mode, one would assume I would be a pro at handling change, pain, and fear. Each time there was a change, each time there was fear or discomfort, it was followed up with a survival mode ‘suck it up’ mindset implanted in my brain. The result was that my ability to properly navigate the emotions of fear and emotional pain from each transition would fail for many years to come.

“A lot of cheap seats in the arena are filled with people who never venture onto the floor. They hurl mean-spirited criticisms and put-downs from a safe distance. The problem is, when we stop caring what people think and stop feeling hurt by cruelty, we lose our ability to connect. But when we’re defined by what people think, we lose the courage to be vulnerable. Therefore, we must be selective about the feedback we let into our lives. For me, if you’re not in the arena getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.”

― Brené Brown, Rising Strong

I have struggled repeatedly every time my life was affected by the change, or pain, which invited fear into my heart. When you think about it, we don’t always recognize our thoughts about emotions that well while at the moment. Unless you are entirely mindful 24/7 and have self-reflected on the events that were past or are currently happening, dealing with your feelings while under the stress of change is difficult for any of us to manage alone. As the saying goes, “everything happens for a reason” I genuinely believe in that statement. However, it’s always easier said than done to understand and process methodically ‘at the moment!

Can you go through change without pain or fear? Can you do fear without change? Can you feel pain without change or fear? I don’t believe so. They all play a part, either all the time or at once, in our personal & professional life.

Change is inevitable, and it’s all around us. It’s moving to a new country, joining a new company, moving to a new house, children growing up and leaving their parent’s nest, a new relationship/or marriage, etc. I know that there are two sides to change, positive & negative. How you choose to cope with it affects your outcome and views on the change you are experiencing.

I must admit that currently going through a change, leaving an organization that I was familiar with its culture and people to join a new organization, has not been an easy one, or a walk in the park. It explains why people working longer than five years in a company don’t jump ship that easily. It’s not just about the pension. As most people explained, it’s about shifting from everyday comfortable shoes to a new pair that will take so much effort to break in. We are creatures of comfort, and when, after a few years working, given the option of leaving the company, you will not do so as you are already deeply ingrained with the culture and co-workers. Most employees will leave because of a bad boss, but most will stay because of social circles within the company.

Change forces you to stretch yourself. It challenges your knowledge and skills and tests your patience. Another thing change does – is it humbles you down to the core. It’s not about what you know or what you have accomplished already. It’s about how quickly you can learn with an open mindset versus a closed one. Change has one more quality in common with pain. It tests your stamina and brings a vulnerability to the surface.

Fear is another emotion we can experience during change or emotional pain. We are being hurt in a relationship, fear of losing someone, fear of failing at a new job, fear of transitioning from being out of our comfort zone, and fear that brings shame, to name a few. When you fear the pain and the change, you miss all the opportunities that present themselves to you. Fear delays you from taking risks, challenging your ability to grow. It has the opposite effect of moving forward. Fear paralyzes us. Our society taught us that fear is shameful and a sign of weakness, but we know that if channeled right, it produces perseverance and character.

“Of all the things trauma takes away from us, the worst is our willingness, or even our ability, to be vulnerable. There’s a reclaiming that has to happen.”

― Brené Brown, Rising Strong

The lesson I keep learning is that I can’t outrun fear to accomplish anything. I must face my fears head-on and hope for the best (relocation to a new country, buying a place, changing jobs, having children, having a cancer scare, losing loved ones, etc.). We are here on this earth for a purpose, and to get to our destination, we must go through all the complexity of emotions which is part of the refining process of who we are meant to be.

Pain tends to bring all sorts of emotions to the forefront, with anger being the most common. Some discomfort is good for you! I know it sounds crazy, but you can’t make it through life without pain, and to reach contentment, peace, and joy, you must go through the pain to get to the other side. Some pain brings out the worst in people, of course. But if you take a moment and look closely around you, everyone has a story involving pain, losses, regrets, failures, or addictions such as food, alcohol, drugs, or sex.

When I reviewed my list, change, fear, and pain all have shame and anger in common, which places us in a vulnerable state. In a society that does not like to talk about shame or feelings of vulnerability, we are taught to suck it up and get a thick skin. In most cases, the cycle repeats itself, leading us to teach our children the same. Don’t talk about emotions; there is no place for feelings in the real world. You need to show you are strong and hide weakness; you need to be a fighter, and you need to be resilient.

Resilient? Do I need to be resilient? Did anyone stop and ask themselves how one becomes resilient? Technically resilience is the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties and toughness. The more challenges you have, the quicker your ability to spring back. The key words here are ‘spring back.’ How does one spring about? With a stiff upper lip, you can bury the event or fear, get back on your feet, and move on. This way is much faster, as many have shown, but, in the end, it will prevent you from experiencing deeper emotional connections.

But if you go through the ‘tougher road,’ facing the pain, changes, fear, vulnerability, showing up, and being seen. The sheer act of leaning into despair and the willingness to face that uncomfortable situation head-on ultimately gives you the strength to spring back stronger and deal with the situation should it occur again.

Nobody who breathes will tell you it was easy. It will always be harder to build resilience properly. Once you have dealt with the pain, not buried it, dealt with the fear, not to be kept hidden, you will transform to become a person of incredible strength inside.

I would love to share two amazing quotes by Dr. Brene Brown. Her message and her books have helped me a lot; her research on shame, for example, has made a tremendous impact on me:

Lastly, if you can try to put into practice the Ten Guideposts for Wholehearted Living listed below: by ― Brené Brown, Rising Strong

1. Cultivating authenticity: letting go of what people think
2. Cultivating self-compassion: letting go of perfectionism
3. Cultivating a resilient spirit: letting go of numbing and powerlessness
4. Cultivating gratitude and joy: letting go of scarcity and fear of the dark
5. Cultivating intuition and trusting faith: letting go of the need for certainty
6. Cultivating creativity: letting go of comparison
7. Cultivating play and rest: letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self-worth
8. Cultivating calm and stillness: letting go of anxiety as a lifestyle
9. Cultivating meaningful work: letting go of self-doubt and “supposed to”
10. Cultivating laughter, song, and dance: letting go of being cool and “always in control.”

Hopefully, you will find it a helpful coping mechanism for whatever you are facing in the present, past, or future.

The post Fear and Emotional Pain that Comes With Change appeared first on myEAblog.com.

To make this happen, you should work in a role that feels like a good fit for both yourself and your employer. If you eventually realize you may not be a good fit, though, you may have a better chance of finding a job elsewhere that is better suited for you.

What does it mean not to be a good fit? Or when you hear it’s just “not a fit.”

Not being a good fit typically means you may not be the right candidate for a role. Employers may provide this reason after applying or interviewing for a role. You may also realize that you’re not an excellent fit for a position if your interests, personality, or skill set don’t align with the company’s position or team.

Why do employers say someone isn’t a good fit?

If employers say someone isn’t a good fit, they typically mean their skills, interests, or personality differs from what’s expected for the role. Most employers use the interview process of a job search to evaluate both the qualifications and the fit of potential employees. They typically review your resume and application to determine whether you meet the skills, experience, and expertise requirements for the role.

Employers may ask in-depth questions during the interview to gain insight into your personality, interests, and work style. Many have a strong understanding of the employees you may work with, which causes them to ask questions to learn how well you could fit with the culture. They may even ask others on the team to sit in on the interview to determine how well you may get along with coworkers. Hiring employees who work together can lead to a more collaborative, team-building, and productive environment.

When is a hire released for “Not being a good fit” after working in the role for a while?

When we think about employees as a good fit or bad fit, most of the time, the conversation revolves around hiring. When hiring the right person for the right job and team, organizations can avoid the topic of bad fit release altogether.

That’s easier said than done, though. If everyone hired at every organization were the perfect match, the recruitment industry wouldn’t exist.

Getting to the bottom of what it means depends on the many reasons I plan to list shortly. However, being a good or bad fit is primarily an issue of the corporate culture.

• Will the new hire mesh well with the pre-existing team to strengthen the team and allow the new hire to get to work and thrive immediately?

In reality, getting released for “not being a good fit” is the last resort to address the problem. To get to the core of it, HR and management need to document why the employee isn’t fitting in and make a case for their termination. To follow proper steps to assess the situation that can benefit the employer and the employee if correctly followed, such as:

• A case has to be made as to why the person is not a good fit; this helps all to understand why the employee isn’t fitting in (additionally, it may even lead to a way to keeping them on board that isn’t a form of termination). It also helps show that their release isn’t discriminatory.
• Discrimination claims can be easily made when it comes to cultural fit.
• Documenting all of the issues is needed to show that the new hire isn’t working out because their work ethic, personality, and things of that nature are not blending well with the current team and causing problems.
• After the employer decides best practices are the way to go. Meaning professional the employer requires to take unbiased steps to handle the situation. Such as:

• • Arrange for a meeting (preferred face-to-face) and providing the terminated employee with a written letter that details the action taken and why it’s happening.
  • Within reason, the employee should be allowed to state what they need to say and make sure you listen. They may have even seen this coming if they don’t fit in and aren’t enjoying working for your organization. On the other hand, they may be blindsided entirely (the assumption here is that you have been working with them on the issues before just up and firing them). Be ready for either response.
  • And remember being released for not being a good fit is different from being fired for rule-breaking or misconduct. It’s not totally the person’s fault that they aren’t a good fit (it’s likely a poor hiring situation). Knowing that it can help to add a few extra benefits to these situations, treating them less like a firing and more like a lay-off event.

Release for “not being a good fit” – The benefits:

Because being a poor fit at a company is a hiring mishap most of the time, those being released for not being a good fit should be offered vital benefits, too. Such as:

1. A severance agreement and payment to protect yourself from potential lawsuits while providing the employee an amount that can help them get through their job transition.
2. Included with the severance agreement, consider offering outplacement services to the employee. As a refresher, outplacement is a service provided to now former employees that can help them get back to working in a new role quicker than going alone.

Someone who was released for not being a good fit can benefit quite a bit from these additions in hopes of them landing a role that is better suited for them. You should want this person to succeed even if they aren’t doing well for your specific team.

Reasons for not being a good fit

As mentioned earlier, there may be many reasons for a new hire not being a good fit for the role after starting a new job and finding out months to a year later that it’s not working out either for the employee or employer. Let’s explore some of the reasons.

1. Cultural fit
2. Personalities differences
3. Role fit
4. Values are misaligned
5. Underutilized skills/or not right skillset
6. Frustration or seeming bored
7. The role isn’t appropriately structured for anyone to succeed
8. The company merged with or acquired another company, and roles have changed for existing employees. Naturally, there should be some repositioning to follow that initial reorganization.
9. Lack of diversity, equity, and inclusion
10. Lack of structure
11. Bad business practices
12. Lacks direction in terms of goals, mission, and objectives
13. Toxic management
14. Workplace Nepotism
15. Bad ethical standards
16. Lack of belonging
17. Lack of trust in leadership
18. Moral conflicts
19. Lack of transparency and communication
20. Hyper-competition, micromanagement, or bullying behaviors.
21. Lack of empathy and flexibility

Cultural fit: perception versus actual meaning

Very frequently, hiring managers think a good cultural fit is someone similar to themselves and others who work at the organization. They may feel a connection to some aspect of a prospective hire’s personality (“I like their sense of humor”), or often they discover some sort of common ground (“we went to the same school” or “we’re from the same town”).

Or maybe the hiring prospect feels like a person with whom the hiring manager would enjoy having a drink at happy hour. It’s very common to hear hiring managers say, “We’re a fun bunch here, and we like to go out for a few drinks after work, so we’re looking for someone with energy for sure.”

However, this type of mindset can:

• Allow unconscious bias or familiarity bias to sway the hiring decision – notably at the expense of hiring the optimal, most qualified individual
• Draw hiring managers toward overly focusing on individuals who think or look like them. This can touch on protected classes, such as gender, age, or race – and if that leads to a hiring decision, that would be discrimination
• Leading to a homogeneous, and overtly conformist workforce

In short – you’re not hiring your newest best friend. You are bringing someone on board who is supposed to help move the organization onward to further success.

Instead, cultural fit is actually about finding someone who meets both of these criteria:

• Aligns with your organization’s mission, vision, values, and professional ethics and has a similar outlook on the company’s trajectory
• Adds something new to the organization that’s currently missing

Although ‘cultural fit’ is a widely used term, it may be misleading and outdated. Because what you’re aiming for with any new hire is cultural impact.

Ask yourself whether any new hire:

1. Has a different perspective
2. Approaches challenges differently
3. Has a new type of experience
4. Will likely result in improvements or enhancements within your organization

Tips for assessing your fit before or during an interview process

During the interview process, to help determine whether your personality and interests match the company is best to start by asking questions, researching the organization, or paying attention to the interviewer’s communication style. Use these tips to properly assess your fit at an organization before and during the interview process:

1. Ask questions about the company culture. To gain insight into whether you believe you could be a good fit for the company, you should ask questions about the employees and overall culture. For example, can you describe the organizational culture? How would you describe the personalities of most team members here?
2. Conduct online research. Research the company’s atmosphere, values, and employee experience. Visit the company’s “about” page to learn more about the perks and benefits they offer employees, review any company testimonials, or read its mission statement.
3. Take a tour of the office. Interviewers may take you on a tour of the office to familiarize yourself with the atmosphere and employees. If you’re not offered a tour, politely request one if you have enough time. You can get a good feel of what the culture is like by scanning the environment. For example, an open office layout with couches and group workspaces can signify a collaborative work style. Personalized desks can also resemble a more laid-back or professional environment. This helps determine if your work style matches the office’s tone, layout, and atmosphere.
4. Focus on the interactions with the employer. Throughout your interview, pay attention to how well you get along with the employer and other employees, especially if they’re your potential team members or managers. This can give you a better idea of what it may be like interacting with them every day. Key elements for you to focus on when talking with employers during the interview include:

1. • Professionalism and courteous attitude: Pay attention to how professional the interviewers act throughout the interview process. Elements to look for include if they greeted you upon entering, shook your hand, and nodded politely while listening to your interview answers.
   • Timeliness: Interviewers can show they respect your schedule by showing up on time to interviews, promptly responding to any questions you may have, and promptly updating you on different stages of the process.
   • Ease of conversation: As you talk with the interviewers, assess how comfortable you feel when speaking to them. A simple and natural conversation may be a strong sign that you can get along well with the employees and potentially fit quickly with the culture.

5. Reach out to current employees. This one might be tricky for some as it requires you to be brave enough to reach out to strangers asking about the potential company, to which you may or may not get a response back to your inquiry.

That being said, it’s always a good idea to get in touch with current employees to learn first-hand about their experiences in the role. You can visit social media sites, connect with these employees online, and send them a message requesting information about the overall employee experience.

You can also visit company review sites such as “Glassdoor” and read any feedback current or past employees have left about the company to give you a bit more insight into what it’s like to work at the company or in specific departments.

Final thoughts

Cultural fit is one of those employee qualities that every company wants, but many don’t entirely understand or know exactly how to achieve desired outcomes. Here, we explained that the term cultural fit could be replaced with cultural impact, because that’s what you should be going for: an employee who aligns with your organization’s values and goals but brings some new strengths to your team.

Remember, ‘cultural fit’ has nothing to do with hiring employees who look or think like you or with whom you share commonalities.

The post It’s Just Not a Fit appeared first on myEAblog.com.

Your Executive forgets to mention plans are changing or fails to copy you on a request, yet they expects you to anticipate changes and adapt to them quickly.

To earn your Executives’ respect and appreciation, you must know your underlying expectations that your Executive will never say.

Here is what your Executive is thinking and what you can do in response:

Be loyal to me: make your Executive feel that you are their most prominent advocate. You believe in their work and the direction of their leadership. When your Executive believes you are loyal, they are more likely to reciprocate in return.

One key component of this rule is never to leak confidential information. Be the gatekeeper and never abuse your power.

Make me look good in EVERYTHING you do: yes, they want to look good in everything you do. For example, in your interactions with external vendors or clients, to internal stakeholders and employees. Keep things organized, communicate in a professional manner, dress professionally, and handle interruption respectfully because everything you do reflects on your Executive.

An excellent example of this rule: disagreeing with your Executive in front of their direct report(s), higher-ups, or the team won’t cast you or your Executive in a good light.

I expect perfection: even though your Executive may not be perfect, they expect you to be. Do that by being ten steps ahead of them. If they are late for meetings, keep them on schedule. If their office is disorganized, you are the neat freak.

One example of this rule: if they forget to review or sign documents or return calls, set reminders for them in their schedule, including blocks of time in their calendar to do those tasks.

I am nervous when I walk into a room/event to speak: be aware that your Executive may be worried about delivering a tough message or trying to solicit audience buy-in for a project or new idea, even when they act self-assured. Look for ways to help and show your support.

Example of how you could help: maybe help gather as many facts, details, or information as possible to support the Executive feel more confident when presenting. Follow up with individuals/resources needed to collect the required information to allow the Executive time to prepare and practice before their speaking engagement.

Yes (does not always mean Yes): your Executive may agree to things/ideas etc., but it does not always mean a confirmed yes. That’s why you need to choose the time and day to discuss the critical items/tasks you would like to accomplish. What was agreeable verbally might be a no when it’s on paper.

One way to manage this situation: gather all the facts, and detail the advantages & disadvantages, costs, benefits, and expected results on paper. Provide a copy to the Executive and book a time to discuss and obtain the ‘yes’ you hoped.

Let’s look at this in a couple of weeks: this means they are not in the mood to deal with the current task, they are looking for a break, and they want you to postpone this for them until they are either in the mood or ready to deal with it.

An example is when the Executive is not up to meeting with someone or wants to plan an Executive dinner. You can help by pushing the dates further out to give the Executive a break. Come up with a creative excuse on behalf of the Executive to buy them time.

Can you get the phone or respond to this email: you are probably thinking, why can’t they answer their own phone when they are in the office? Or how come they don’t want to respond to this email? It’s because they are avoiding either talking to or committing to something or a person.

One way to help: the best action to take is to do as they said. Take the call or respond to the email on their behalf. It’s one of those intangible requirements of the job to protect their space, and you will help them save face.

Let’s do something nice this year for a team event or an Executive event: what they mean is for you to be creative and come up with something to impress and please the audience (costs may not be an issue here). Your Executive may be looking to compete with a past ghost (a tradition or predecessor perhaps), and they feel they need to brand (a.k.a. ‘prove’) themselves as better to top whatever was done in the past!

One thought on this rule: don’t resist or worry about costs. Get creative and present your new ideas to get their approval and agreement before proceeding!

I don’t have an ego: it’s totally the opposite, as many may have an ego at one point or another. After all, confidence and egos are how most of them got to the top! Watch out for when the moments of the ‘over-ego’ arise. Your role is to understand the behavior and identify what’s important to them and what they are fighting for.

Some thoughts: your job is not to point out to the Executive they have an ego at play here. Your job is to support them with what is important to them and help them balance between taming their egos and getting what they want when they want it.

You have done great stuff, but there is always room for improvement: this means you are great, and I am happy with your work, but I want more to be done, and also, I’m not too clear about what you’ve accomplished recently. Help bring clarity to this by providing bullet points of tasks, projects, and items accomplished throughout the year. Most times, the Executive will forget what other tasks an Executive Assistant does, aside from the obvious core duties of calendar management, expenses, and travel booking.

Additional note on this: highlight and identify the big projects you’ve been involved in or led and contributed to their successful completion.

Why don’t you come up with a list of how you see your (EA) role evolve in the future: this means the Executive is putting the ownership on you to improve or develop your role. For the most part, they can’t think of areas of growth, learning, or expansion in mind for your role. This could be due to the fact the Executive lacks a far-sighted picture of the role, especially if the role is viewed as a junior level or the Executive is new to his senior role.

How to manage this: take advantage of the opportunity to make a business case to convince them how your role can evolve in helping them become more productive, balance personal & work schedules, and help support and drive accelerated business operations, specifically in process and efficiencies. Your goal is to show your Executive how you can be a strategic partner and an office management/team leader.

I hope you found these points valuable. Let me know if you have more of your own to add.

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